Firstly, I have found an exceptional blog. Donna Trussell is a 10 YEAR SURVIVOR of grade 3 OC (yay), plus she is funny and clever!!
I have added a link to one of her posts from 2008 about "what not to say" (to people with cancer).
My own pet peeve is when people tell me that I will "beat it because I am strong". Yes, I am strong, but this is not like a diet where willpower, eating well and exercise will get you the result. I know people mean to be encouraging, and this is why I keep quiet and don't crush them with my mega-strong grip, but the reason it gets to me is the inference that people who get a recurrence or die from cancer were "not strong enough". It is a real insult to my OC (and other) sisters who have tried every treatment, are very strong, have the best attitude and would sell their souls to the devil to spend more time with their families, but still succumb.
Also, Don't even get me started on the ones that thinks the drug companies are suppressing "the big cure"!!! Over to Donna, and what are your things you don't want to hear?
Ruby, I so agree with you those comments make me so angry, its as if the people who have died of any form of cancer wasn't strong enough, didn't fight enouch etc. etc.. yet we are all here fighting the fight doing our best and putting on a brave face. heres to doing our best ! Love Sue x
I agree with you too Ruby. Like the cancers all are different and so are our ways of coping and fighting and LIVING.
Love Another SUE!!x
Meant to say I love that last comment of Donna's " you look so good". How many times have I heard that especially when underneath the make up I feel like ....!
ditto to soapsuds,I'm always being told 'you look really well' ? x
Ruby,
My feelings exactly..... I loved the link thank you......you have even got me commenting again ....after all the comments on diet and positive thinking on here... I thought I would never join in again.... and I loved the last comment of Donna's great stuff. Best wishes Gwyneth
So good to have a grumble and not have to be "positive" all the time.
I was not positive every waking moment before so why would I be now I wonder.
Worst comment to me was "Just remember there are lots of people worse off than you" Fortunately I was too speechless to say something I would have regretted.
Laughed out loud at the ...looking good comment. We are all obviously walking adverts for looking wonderful and glowing with wellbeing. We wish. So just keep smiling!
My best comment when I told someone that I had cancer was, "Oh, really? I've not been feeling too good myself lately." And if one more person tells me to keep my chin up when I think I already am chinning up, I will scream. As to "You're looking good," well, I don't mind that, imagine feeling bad and looking awful to boot. Although of course, the fact that one may look well makes it harder to face the reality. This is especially true when loved ones are struggling to come to terms with one's cancer after having been in denial initially.
Worst one was my Mother In Law. She was given a pallative care nurse and they suggested some day visits to a hospice - she is 75 and has a heart condition. "I am not going to visit a hospice...I don't have the Big C". All that was missing was the inferred "like her....i.e. pointing at me".
Also I have to explain to people I look well because chemo is not in my system yet, but that means for me the cancer is out of control. When I look cr*p, like a ghost then probably the chemo has kicked in and now I stand a chance of getting it under control.....
I'm afraid reading this excellent stuff has given me the rather wicked fantasy of saying to the next person who tells me I look well "You know, you look really well too, do you think you should have a blood test?"!
Aren't people so bliddy hopeless when their tongue doesn't engage with their brain. Honest , I could thwack em over the head with a blunt instrument ,a bit like John Cleese when he clobbers his broken down car ,in that famous scene from Fawlty Towers ...
We know people mean well , but if we were to retort to every so called comment with" You haven't got a f###ing clue, have you " we would have very few friends and family left .
Our face portrays the image of our health, and if , like me ,you get up every day and adorn that face to the best of it's ability , look in the mirror and say " yip , you look good the day girl ", then why shouldn't others agree.
So when someone says ," you look great ", take that compliment , but mentally thwack em over the bonce with half a tree and say ( thwack with each word )" thankyou..very...much.. you ..don't.. look.. too.. bad ..yourself.. mate ". teehee !!
xxxxx
Twixt recipes, lifestyle, diet and exercise, advice lines and our terrible senses of humour, we surely have a fantastic publication!! See there is a lot to smile about and cheer us up when we are down.
Actually pre-my own cancer I worked voluntary and tirelessly running groups and help lines for a non-life thretening disease known to many as ME or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome alongside Fibromyalgia.
This blog is the exact same discussion us fibes had over and over again - however, I have in my time whitnessed a few of them who said maybe if they had been diagnosed with CANCER in stead of one of these dibilitatiing conditions we`d get more sympathy.
As if cancer is not debilitating! I have to say I soon set them on the right track after being a first hand whitness of my own mother slowly being taken away from us with her OC at the tender age of 47. In fact she only just made her 47th birthday.
Now I have the pleasure of telling these small minded people that, yes indeed chronic illness is terrible and it gains no attention or sympathy however, wishing one had cancer instead is appalling. I also tell them to be careful what they wish for as cancer sufferers also get told they look well.
Yesterday, a true friend told me
"Now, don`t get me wrong you do look great but can`t anyone see how totally exhausted you look", ha ho - someone is taking notice, thanks Lesley at last someone gets me!!!!!!!!
My Mother-in-law asked me if I was going to take up golf this spring - just because hubby retires next week, ho ho! As f------ if !!!!!!! I have a debilitating life wrecking disease that no f----- understands and now I have cancer. Winderful golf, sounds great doesn`t it.
I also lost a friend to cancer a couple of years ago, she was a friend of the family and my brother in law told everyone after his visit that she was giving up (more to the point she was very, very seriously ill) she sadly passed away the very next morning, in fact she didn`t even make sun light.
The same brother in law told my husband I should have made an effort to attend my mother-in-laws 80th birthday bash after I had spent the whole day having 5 1/2 hours of chemotherapy. This is coming upo to one year ago, the brothers still do not speak, crazy stuff!!!!!!
Shall we all get together and write our own book?
Love you ladies, we are a huge inspiration to one another - we are the bravest girls on this planet right now and I love you dearly xxxxxx
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