Separation/Divorce

[Curlybobs]

My children are teenagers and my husband and I are going through a separation that will eventually lead to a divorce after 25 years of marriage. The kids seem to be OK with it but I'm worried that they're not actually, and are just hiding their feelings because they can see that the situation is upsetting for me. Does anyone have similar experience and can offer any advice? Some days I feel completely empowered and like superwoman, other days I feel scared and lonely. How can I help my children navigate this when it's so difficult for me?

[Vikki-Moderator Moderator]

Just wanted to say hello and let you know you're not alone. Hopefully some other people with similar experiences reply soon but in the meantime there are lots of links and helpful information available on the Just One Norfolk website at justonenorfolk.nhs.uk/emoti...

[Abigail4 Administrator]

Hi there, whilst I don't have any similar experiences to share, the Gingerbread website has some really helpful resources for supporting children through parental separation, as well as some parental experiences: gingerbread.org.uk/find-inf...

[Mumof2tweens]

Hi

Sorry to hear this, I can fully empathise how hard it must be having just been through similar. My husband and I separated last year and have children aged 12 and 14 years. I have found the children go through phases of being ok and then less than ok. Giving them space to talk when they need to and understanding when they may take their hurt out on you and start blaming you (mine did that, your may not!). Big events like moving home, birthdays and Christmas are very hard and need lots of planning and negotiations and honesty that they won’t be the same as before but can still be enjoyable. I found telling school helped too and staff can check in or look out for behaviours that may be related to this. Although it is super difficult sometimes I try not to say a thing about my ex or have key conversations with him in front of them and I encourage regular contact. There are free mediation services MIAM (if you qualify for legal aid) that can help negotiate contact and maintenance etc. Best of luck and although it is really hard I do not regret the decision at all and that keeps me going!! X

[Curlybobs in reply to Mumof2tweens]

Thank you so much for your reply. It means a lot. Yes, just trying to navigate the first Christmas. I thought it would be easier seeing as the kids are older but it's still hard.