Try to engage in something that they are interested in and failing that have meals together so the opportunity to keep talking is always there. Try to normalise the difficult times as not unusual for teenagers.
My sister gave me a good tip- to anticipate for them. The teenage brain doesn’t look down the line of events at consequences and the best tip was to put situations into the 3rd person ie talk about a girl in the newspaper who did something unfortunate etc Never get personal!
It really is a challenging time. You can’t tell them what to do but I do think they follow your example. So do the things like keeping tidy and being kind to people yourself and eventually it will rub off a bit. Also do stuff for yourself a bit as they will respect that and it will keep you sane!
The best thing I heard was on Women’s Hour. It said mothers shouldn’t worry about teenagers because they grow out of it by 20!