struggling

[purplecat223]

A while ago I had this really really intense intrusive thought, which was really distressing and scary. My ocd told me if I wanted the intrusive thought to stop for a couple of seconds and if i didn't want the intrusive thought to come true, I needed to do a compulsion of saying a rude thing about a loved one (which isn't true and I don't think)to myself in private. I gave into the compulsion because the intrusive thought was unbearable and said the thing, as my ocd wouldn't leave me alone until I did. I feel awful because of this compulsion as I would never want to say rude things and it makes me feel really really upset and guilty. Should I feel guilty from this compulsion? ,(I know reassurance seeking is bad).Thankyou for reading.