HI. I'm an 18 yo male medical student. I cannot shake the feeling that I'm bisexual. I'm not against the idea on any idealistic grounds , if I could wake up tomorrow and know for certain that I was then that would be fine. The issue is that I know I'm not attracted to men sexually. Despite this i get intrusive thoughts of that nature and a fear of: how my memory is failing me because it keeps coming back no matter how many times I "resolve" the issue and how a changed perception of me will affect future relationships.
I have had same-sex encounters in the past albeit under the influence of a lot of alcohol each time.
I have felt the need to keep "checking" and "testing" myself for multiple years now (potentially related to the aforementioned incidences) but only recently after starting studying and with increased stress levels have I noticed a (not overwhelming but real) feeling of the need to wash, particularly my hands, after an obsessive episode. I often feel more comfortable saying the Lord's Prayer whilst doing this.
At what point should i consider seeing a GP? How will this affect my future career and the GMC's assessment of 'Fitness to practice'?
#HOCD #Stress # OCD
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Domanom2
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Everything you are describing is ocd..Thinking over in your head-ruminating- is the ocd making you do that..Because so what if your bi-sexual!..
You say you have been testing and checking this for years but now under more stress it has come to the foreground, and is taking over..and that is what happens with ocd. It can be milder that we manage it, sometimes unaware. Or we accommodate it thinking we can live with it, until it has grown bigger where what was one thing- checking if you're bi-sexual..is also then having thoughts about it more and more..and having to wash your hands..feeling the need to pray,and so on and so on.......
Each time you act on a thought to check,wash etc, that is a compulsion..Each time you think about doing the action that too is a compulsion..You must stop all these as that is what the enemy ocd wants you to do,and each time you give in, the ocd gains more strength..Instead go for a walk,watch a movie,do something else!
I am not in the medical profession but can only feel that having an illness yourself-ocd is an illness-will have no bearing on your career.Help and support may be more easily available to you.
There is much you can do to help your self. Just two are,reading a great book called Brain lock that you can buy off Amazon, and CBT exercises on YouTube by Katie d'Ath..
The sooner you start taking control over the ocd ,will mean it has less control over you.
Also..You are likely to feel anxious when you feel the urges to check,wash, etc and run things over in your mind.. and that is why we give into these urges, because we are tricked to think it will make it ok and ease our anxiety if we check,wash etc..But it just has more of a hold over us and we then continue to do it more and are stuck in the cycle...But if you dont give in to the urges and ride through the anxiety-as difficult as it is- you will find that the urge to do it will lessen and so too will the ocd grip.x
I once thought I Was bi-sexual. I didn't know what to tell everyone else. I Talked To God About It, And It turns Out, I'm not bi-sexual, I just like men with woman parts. I kind of laugh about It Now. I Got Only A Boyfriend, And We Are Thinking Of Getting Married At The End Of The Year, Next Year, Or So, We're Waiting Until Then To do anything sexual. The Lord Helps Me With My Urges. I Just Gave Him All My Feelings, One Day... And He Sorted Out My Feelings And Thoughts About Sex, so I Could Rest Easily On That One. I Was About 24, with high level of sexual hormones, before I Gave My Problem To The Lord. My Peak Was 28. I'm 29 Now, Almost 30, And Have Still Kept Committed To 'not fornicating', I feel a bit hormonal these days, but Have It managed. I went through a huge wash everything, including especially My Hands, stage, when I Went Vegan. But Since just Fasting For Me And A Few Non-Vegan Friends And Not for the vegetarians I was fasting for before, I Only Wash My Hands Before I Eat, Or After I touch something really gross. Fasting Makes Me Too Tired To Get Up And Do Heaps Of Laundry And Wash My Hands All The Time, Especially on olanzapine. ... I'm More Obsessed About Praying Right. Makes Praying difficult for Me. I Pray Some Prayers Are Automatic, One Of Them Is The Lord's Prayer ... I personally forgive all who sin against Me, twice A Day, And Then Pray, That The Rest Of The Time It's Automatic. I Prayed Recently Some Prayers, That Took Me A Lot Of The Night. But I Felt Much Better The Next Day, And Found, Even On .2 Sleep, (Two Shut Eyes, Where I'd See A Quick Vision And Wake Up, Right After) I Could Still Do A Lot And Feel Fine During The Day. And Today, I Just Feel Good. I Got A Real Good Night's Sleep. Please Tell Me How You're Getting On. I Prayed You'd Feel Better. I Get OCD in spells, over different things, If I Keep My Eyes On Jesus, My Day Tends To Go Better, And I Don't get at stressed, so OCD is manageable. I hope This helps.
P.S. I don't know if You're particularly Religious or Faith Oriented, But if You Are, The Same Lord, Who's Prayer You've Been Saying, Can Give You More Faith, This Tends To Reduce OCD And Increase Peace, At Least For Me. You need not do Anything more than Ask. Have A Great Day, And A Great Week, Happy New Year's. To Each, The Lord Gives A Measure Of Faith.
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