Please help 😔

I have been suffering with paranoia about HIV for about a year now. I have recognised it as OCD and severe anxiety and am on antidepressants to try and sort part of the problem. I believe this to have been triggered by various things such as work stress.

The problem is this: I am scared to be happy and enjoy what would seem like a perfect life because nothingg can be perfect can it? I am a newly wed to an amazing man, I have a gorgeous family and a great job. So I have created this problem that I have HIV to bring myself down to a crashing false reality. This is from my past where I believed everything was great with a guy I was seeing when in actual fact he was cheating on my for months and everyone seemed to know about it apart from me.

I have had LOADS of HIV tests that have all come back negative but my brain refuses to believe them. I've now creted another scenario to make me get another test done. I've imagined that I've seen a syringe on a night out 7 weeks ago and imagined that I've come into contact with it. I KNOW how crazy this is but feel compelled to believe it!

Has anyone every had HIV OCD specifically?

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2 Replies

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  • So far I haven't had this particular one, but OCD follows a familiar pattern and I too have imagined that I've done something I know I haven't. Try not to have all those tests - the more you do, the more you think you need them. It is hard to build trust after having been cheated on, and I am assuming that the particular problem with imagining you have HIV comes from that. In fact, the chances of being infected with a stray syringe are small, but that doesn't necessarily help - try to get some proper help from a CBT therapist. Perhaps talk to your husband about your trust issues.

  • Hi there yes I've suffered this way prev but then it left and Ocd effects me on diff ways now. But I remember having that fear from I was a child right up to my late twenties , you just have to come to a place where you believe the negative results are true, o c d is the doubting illness so we constantly doubt the actual truth that is in front of us. I used to think I seen syringes to, o c d is fear based and wants you to live in fear, make a decision to not let it ruin your life anymore, if you feared something else it would be that that u think u seen, it's your mind doing tricks on u. Can u talk to ur hubby about how u feel? His reassurance will help u I'm sure as my husbands helped me, God bless you

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