Advice please,

I'd like to ask for a bit of advice.

I think I may have OCD, but I do not feel like I can talk to anyone about it.

I don't feel like I can go to a doctor, because my parents wouldn't take me seriously if I told them and would most likely think I was being a hypochondriac. Here's my situation:

It started with me not wanted to step on the cracks on the pavement. It made me angry that I didn't want to step on them. I felt so angry that I couldn't control where I placed my feet. Then, however, whatever 'it' is started to develop. I was forever counting in my head, to three. 1...2...3... Over and over for how many steps I've done. Every time I changed the surface I walk on it, I have to have walked on that surface at least three times.

Then it got worse. Then it had to be three, but if I did it six times, I had to go up to nine times. That sentence probably didn't make sense, so I'll phrase it again.

I am walking along a street, avoiding the pavement cracks, I make sure that I count to three and then I need to get on the bus. I've currently counted to six. Before I get on the bus, I have to make three more steps to make it feel 'right'. And if I did ten steps, I had to do it up to 27, because three times 9 is 27.

It wasted lots of my time and made me feel stressed, as if I did 28, I had to do whatever 27x3 is.

I've been getting so annoyed about the counting I try to think of something else but I can't. I've grown to hate numbers, hate maths, and have a deep hatred of other humans beings because they can think so straightforwardly. It's hard to explain.

Now, however, I've been having trouble sleeping. As soon as the thought of needing to go to the toilet comes into my head, I cannot relax until I've been to the toilet. I don't know why, even if I don't need the toilet, I go so it feels 'right'. And then there is constant fear in my head. I have to check the cupboard as in my mind there is a face that I keep thinking will appear every time I open a door. It scares me a lot. But if I don't check, I get scared I will get killed in the night. And then, almost every ten minutes, I have to switch my light on to check there's no one in my room. I also get scared that if I keep my door closed at night I will suffocate from the large amount of CO2 in my room.

I also have to wash my hands every time my hands have sweated a bit, eg after exercise. I also have to wash them thoroughly if a get a smudge of mud on them.

I also wake up in the middle of the night and need to brush my teeth because I get scared my teeth will fall out if I don't. I also have to check I've closed the window properly even if I checked a minute ago.

It makes me so angry all the time and I don't know what's wrong with me. Is this OCD or is it something else?


2 Replies

  • Not being a clinical psychologist I'm hesitant to offer any definite diagnosis but what you describe certainly sounds like OCD and indeed reminds me of my own experiences. I don't want to pry into your age but I get the impression you're still in school? I know how isolated and alone these problems can make you feel at that age and I also recognize the frustration and anger they can cause. You really mustn't think that this is an burden you have to carry alone. Your parents may well be more sympathetic than you think even if they don't fully understand at first. Do you think you might be able to arrange a visit to a GP? That would be the best way to find the appropriate support.

  • It's taking over your life and it shouldn't. The earlier the diagnostics the better. The quicker to reverse the process. Don't delay, see Dr today! My parents left it too long for diagnostics and feel like it wouldn't have got this worse if it hadn't been delayed. I advise everyone to speak to Dr or nurse about it and get help before it ruins your life!

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