Hi all!! I hope everyone has had a chance to have more good than bad days! I’m on my second biological and living an “almost”. normal life. I truly feel better and function better, but whatever I do there are times I can’t escape the fatigue and the moodiness and grumpiness… Is it me, hormones or just RA is the reason? Sometimes I’m awful to people I love, but I’m sick explaining that when the fog hits my brain I can’t be that magical goddess that solves a problem just with a wink. And I don’t. I just get grumpy and angry and leave whoever expect something of me to deal with it. Do they forget? Do I have to constantly whine? Not that it’s going to happen- over my dead body, not in my nature. But it’s not their fault and it’s not main… Than what do I do?…
I also recently discussed with my husband that I would really want another child (3rd), last one as its last train for me. I had many losses and recently I find myself constantly thinking about that. I’m ready to go through all the craziness (she says), but my husband looked at me with such a horror and plainly said no, than explain why, which pissed me off even more.
So to cut it short - I’m I just evil, grumpy women and if not how to deal with my emotions? Full disclosure- I’m dealing much better than before, but far from being in control… so any advise will be much appreciated
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The fatigue is awful and I suffer with it daily and never goes.
I suppose the husband response is one of maybe fear as he has seen the fatigue fog and moodiness and maybe he is thinking baby hormones and fatigue is like a crazy situation. So from his point of view it could be fear
Maybe you need to try and sort the mood swings if at all possible first. Talk to GP or RA teams they might have ideas of NRAS.
Most days I keep my fatigue moody moments hidden but we are all human and have some days it definitely is harder with the patience issue or not snapping.
Thank you for your quick reply. I don’t know if the mood swings can be fixed at all with RA… how on earth to feel fine when you wake up already tired??? But I’ll see what could be done. The fear for a 3rd baby is because I might loose it again or according to him I might just end up dead… my pregnancies are far from beautiful, but my kids are amazing and in a way I feel ill get one of them back… the once I lost.. I know, crazy… Most of the time I can play along but as he is the only person I can be myself with he gets the ugly part of me too often… Anyway… Will have to research what to do for the save of all of us…
Awww bless. Definitely do the research I know I can be up and be ok and then literally almost pass out with the fatigue and when super bad the mood swings kick in as i have no patience.
It may be worth considering talking to someone together. RELATE isn't just for when a marriage is breaking up it's available to help people through sticky patches too....which ALL relationships go through. Do speak to your GP to ask if there's local couple support that would help you both understand the mood swings etc. and give your hubby (who sounds lovely by the way) some support too. We do have our Here For You telephone support volunteers to help talk things through with if you want nras.org.uk/resource/here-f... You're not alone.
Thank you so much for your kind words, they really got to me… He is lovely…. High school sweetheart and still love each other the same way if not more… But just the thought of it dragging him to talk to someone else about this, regardless if it’s a GP or not, makes me laugh. He is not exactly the sharing type to put it mildly.. I backed off but I can see that he is thinking about it so I’ll just give him some space, let’s hope that will do the trick…
I'd just add talk to your GP as he/she may want to get some blood test done just in case you're assuming its to do with RA but we do get other conditions and thyroid problems can cause the symptoms you describe. Anyway its just a better make sure you've not got something else going on. And thyroid is just an example which can cause real depression, chronic fatigue and a lot of other stuff but it is very easily treated. You're coping with a lot and so please talk to your GP. Some great advice on here but make sure its not a simply physical problem that can be resolved and things may become easier and you'll feel so much better.
My GP didn’t even want to get my hormones checked… “it’s all that stress that you’ve been trough… blah blah blah”. It’s not. I know myself. Luckily, I’m in Bulgaria now and already checked my thyroid and it’s on the low low side of how it’s supposed to be performing. My CRP is 1.3 so I’m good, I’ll be doing a few more, just the lady is on holiday too.. I immediately took some recommended supplements, vitamins and yesterday for the first time didn’t crash in the afternoon… still can’t sleep but one problem at a time.. let’s hope nothing else is going on as I really, really think I had enough…
I’m trying, but this is ruining my relationships with everyone… even now I sent my husband to sleep in the guest room as he falls asleep in 2 minutes where I need around 2 hours… And I really thought the biological will solve all my problems… jokes on me..
Echoing slightly comment above, it does sound as if you have got to a plateau where having some counselling might be really, really good for you. There’s obviously a lot of conflicting emotions battling away, and counselling can really help clarify these and make you feel comfortable with a way forward.
It won’t do a thing for the fatigue of course. But all these emotions are draining so might help deal with it better.
I would suggest some time for you first, and then if need be some couple’s work.
(Small thing - when problems sleeping I’m always the one who goes to the spare room. That way OH isn’t being rejected, and ejected from his own bed. It’s better for him, and so for us)
we do the same I sleep in a different room if I am having trouble or hubby does if he is having sleep issues. We made it a fair system and works brilliantly for us. No conflict or frustration just move!
Oh I’ve been to counselling… and after let’s say 10 sessions, which I still don’t understand how things work as you are supposed to discover on your own through talking what’s the issue, the lady obviously understood that that’s not going to happen with me and ask me the simple question - do you feel your family complete…. And that was for me, couldn’t come back, that was more than a year ago and the answer is no - I don’t feel my family complete but I was so unwell at that time another pregnancy didn’t even crossed my mind. We have promised to each other that when we are 45 and all is good we will adopt another child - I want my kids to learn kindness and compassion, not to look the other way… but I really really want another one of my own.. I know… I’m selfish…
I do mean this in the best possible way, but from everything you say I think you really need to tell yourself as firmly as you can that another biologic child is not for you.
I don’t know how old your two children are, but they may well be picking up on this to and having thoughts about you wanting something that isn’t them. Do be careful.
Push getting a private hormone test, they may be something chemical that needs attention.
I lost my only pregnancy, and have no biological children of my own. It took a long while but I got over it. You will too, and can have a wonderful life with the family you have now.
Perhaps you are right… I’m not discussing this anymore with my husband but it’s still in my mind. I have a 11 year old son and 3 years old daughter and I can assure you - there is no way for them to feel that they are not enough. I have a very close relationship with my son and my daughter is more daddy’s girl, she’ll be trilled if we would go for another baby, which I’m not so sure for her brother… but anyway, I’m leaving it for now..
You do sound fed up! I found that when I feel like this it helps to write down my feelings and have a short think about them - where they came from, is there anything I can do about them, etc. And sometimes I just have to escape from the world with some fiction that makes me have a weep and release some of that emotion.And finding some things that make me feel better - a book or film that makes me laugh, indulging myself with a treat, etc.
Just something to consider, like the other suggestions about exploring other health issues. I note that you are in your 40s, and something to consider is peri-menopause, as this can affect you between 2 - 10 years before you have your final period (12 month transition into menopause). Some people experience an early peri-menopause before the age 45. Check with your mother the age when she reached natural menopause, this may give you an idea when you may enter menopause. I was peri-menopausal for 8 years from age 45, mood swings, short fuse temper, memory issues, and insomnia were the main disabling psychological symptoms. The physical symptoms were also problematic but would take too long to describe (but do read up on this yourself). I was diagnosed with RA at menopause and I am 60 now and still taking HRT. I feel that all women in there 40s should educate themselves about peri-menopause, as it can be very disabling - go watch Davina McColl’s TV documentary or access good quality websites, e.g., menopause matters. I had an OH wellness screening check at age 45 and was dripping with sweat and clothing visibly wet during my screening and peri-menopause was not picked up by the female nurse. It took me some time to work out what was going on and luckily asked for an appointment with a female GP at my surgery who was menopause aware (important note - not all GPs are aware if they have not undertaken an optional extra training in this). My blood tests were inconclusive (as they would be due to fluctuating levels of hormones), but I was commenced on HRT on my symptom presentation and the immediate effect on my insomnia was the first major improvement. Thankfully, this topic area is now more prominent in the media and women should not have to suffer in silence. Please do note that not all health professionals will have been trained in this topic, so you may have to ask for referral to someone who is aware in your GP surgery.Best wishes, I hope you find a way forward for your current psychological symptoms.
I agree that peri-menopause is a definite possibility. I went on HRT and it was a life-saver. I didn't have hot flushes (probably at too early a stage) but I did have awful mood swings, anxiety, insomnia and various other horrible symptoms. Definitely worth chatting to a menopause-savi GP.
Hi lovely, I was up and down some years ago and they found I had a fibroid which was making me badly anaemic. My emotions were everywhere! Make sure they have checked you for anaemia and also your thyroid which can cause problems too. Have you been checked for fibromyalgia? That can cause extreme fatigue. Good luck and keep us posted, we are always here for you. xx
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