Husbands.....where would we be without them?

[ButterflySue]

Having a bit of a ‘down day’ after a crap 17 months!! I know that there are loads of people worse than me, but I was really feeling sorry for myself...Tears were flowing & I’m saying, those immortal words; “I just want to be normal!”... Hubby’s reply, “But you’ve never been normal, that’s always been part of your intrigue!!!”....☺️😔🤗...of course this made me smile! We’ve been married for 44 years & I’ve had RA for 26 of those. He knows me so well!! 😉😊

[Shalf]

Hi Sue, sorry your having a down day. Alot of people feeling that way and think the weather has a huge influence on how we feel. Your husband sounds a lovely man. A sense of humour is always good.I don't have a husband but do have a male friend who makes me laugh out loud with his one liners 😁. Take care and hugs your way X

[ButterflySue in reply to Shalf]

Thank you...think there’s often humour to every situation! 🤗x

[janny55]

Ha ha ha awww funny you should say that I was diagnosed at the end of July and I myself was in tears feeling sorry for myself, when my 27 year old son said , mum you have never been normal🤪 to which I burst out laughing 😆😁 x

[Elswick]

After 26 yrs you still suffer OMG how do you cope my husband is really good to been married for 46 yrs been together since we were 14 don’t no how I would cope only had RA for 18 months had enough now feel some times I am just a burden so reading yours made me think twice would you say it has got easier ??? Tc

[ButterflySue in reply to Elswick]

Hi, I’ve been lucky with Rheumatologists & medication over the years. I was diagnosed early stages & the RA has been kept under control!

The last 17months have been very stressful with family problems back in the U.K.! Stress has always affected my RA...living in Spain sometimes has it’s disadvantages!! I worry more not being nearer!

I think it does get easier because you learn to adjust. But I’m very strong willed & won’t ‘give in’, sometimes to my disadvantage & Hubby’s annoyance!! It would help if my head & body would work together!! Head thinks I’m so much younger & fitter....body disagrees!!

I too often think I’m a burden, but Hubby’s always saying “It could easily be the other way round” & I know that if it was, I wouldn’t think that he was a burden!

Take care xx

[Ruth12345]

Hi. I agree about how good husbands can be. Ive had RD coming up 2 years and been married 40years next month. My oh drives me nuts at times and im sure I drive him nuts at times, but he has been good thru all this. Golly I do admire yourself and those of you who had/have RD when much younger, its challenging enough now. Getting to understand the ups and downs of this, its like living in slow motion at times. Take care.

[ButterflySue in reply to Ruth12345]

Hi, I know about the ‘driving each other nuts!!’ It’s so frustrating not being able to do more & I’m nowhere near as bad as lots of people!! Hubby gets annoyed when I overdue things on a ‘good day’. I’m still determined not to give in to it, but sometimes this works against me!!

I don’t post on here very often, but read it every day. It’s so reassuring to know that others understand what you’re going through & there’s a wealth of information to read!! Take care.x

[Ruth12345 in reply to ButterflySue]

I must admit if anything gets to me it the guilt I feel to the family, daily. I decided a while ago if I can get awzy with saying im ok without getting caught out thats what I do every day, just have to make sure face doesnt tell tales on me. 😅😅

[GranAmie in reply to Ruth12345]

try 'getting there' ... then you eliminate guilt and feel a touch of optimism . big hugs

[ButterflySue in reply to GranAmie]

Good idea!...😉x

[Ruth12345 in reply to GranAmie]

Sounds good. ☺

[Gameo]

I will go the other way my wife is my right hand without her l would be nothing l feel guilty when l see her doing things around the home that l either done myself or we done these things together she says nothing and gets on with it we have been married for 48 years and l thought at the time l meet her one in a million and l was right

[ButterflySue in reply to Gameo]

It doesn’t make the guilt go away, but I’m sure that you’d do the same for her if it was the other way around! 🙂

[sylvi in reply to Gameo]

I have the guilt as well as my hubby does everything in the house now bless him. We have been married 35yrs just turned,i have had ra for for 16 of those years. I never expected my dh hubby to take care of me as he is 12yrs older than me,i always said i would take care of him when he retired and got old,now i can't. I do what i can to aid him,but its not much in the scheme of things,but i love him dearly and i know he loves me and this will keep us going through the rest of our lives.xxxx

[Hattie23]

Heavens. Thought I'd written that! Had RA 26 yrs and married 43 yrs. I yes I had the same down day yesterday saying the same thing. I often say why can't I have a normal week.... My husband is a comedian too and just puts up with me and makes me laugh. So he took me to king of thieves yesterday. But it was awful that made us both laugh! Hope today is kinder to you. Xx

[ButterflySue in reply to Hattie23]

Thank you xxx 😊

[sylvi]

You have your crappy day darling we all have them me inparticular. Like you i have had a crap year one way or another. Hugs darling tomorrow is another day well thats how i look at it.xxxx

[ButterflySue in reply to sylvi]

I know you have I’ve been reading about it, poor you. Much worse than me..Hugs back..xxx

[sylvi in reply to ButterflySue]

Darling your hard times are no worse than mine we are in this together sweetheart,yes i have had it tough,but so have you my darling.xxxx

[ButterflySue in reply to sylvi]

😘

[Uga35570]

Yes I know how you feel some days you are so down everything and anything had turn on the tears. Just have to think tomorrow is another day. We've been married for 49 years in a few days and my husband is my rock through all the ups and downs. We too live in spain love it but can feel a bit vulnerable at times seems a long way back to uk! Keep strong xx

[ButterflySue in reply to Uga35570]

Thanks for your reply. I still miss the Family after living here for 16 years!!! But , we moved here because of my RA & the weather certainly helps! The medical care is first class too. On our visits back to the UK my joints won’t let me ‘join in’ as much as I want to, so you can’t have it all unfortunately!! Where are you living in Spain & how long have you lived here?? xx

[Caza]

Well, what can I say. Think you are all so fortunate. My husband makes absolutely no allowances at all & gets very impatient/angry with me when I just can’t do my fair share of work. I could go on & on but won’t but I’m sure I’m not alone in saying my nearest & dearest just doesn’t have a clue 😞

[ButterflySue in reply to Caza]

I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s hard enough coping with the symptoms, without any other stress aggravating everything. You do find out who your ‘real friends’ are though.......& it’s often very few!

I think sometimes partners are frustrated, because they don’t know how to deal with it & can’t make it all better for you. Sending hugs. x

[Gnarli in reply to Caza]

Oh dear Caza. I'm so sorry to hear that and I feel for you. I had one like that once, pre RD, and it made life difficult. Hugs

[Amy65]

I have been married 35 was married at 18 .I took RA in 1997 21 years ago could not have coped with out hubby he knows when I'm in pain or over done it .he hates when people ask how am I and I say ok .he thinks I should tell people but it's when u do tell people they say u look so well wish they could see and feel pain .we all have good and bad days x amy

[brads27]

I have said my wife is an alien for years,were Coming up to 44 years.

[helenlw7]

Love it! It would me my husband’s response too. We’ve been married forty years!

[GranAmie]

seriously thinking of spain, so where are u and uga? bio-similars available there? Mainland or islands? xx

[Hidden]

What a gorgeous thing to say - a definite keeper, your hubby! Sometimes a good bawl helps - I often find that 24hrs later, I’m feeling more optimistic, must be something to do with letting stuff go, I reckon. Hope your feeling more upbeat now

[Hessie5]

That just made me laugh out loud! 😂Thank you for the therapy and hope you are having a better time 😊

[Rubyroo1]

We all have those times - I have had a couple of meltdowns. My Hubbie is very good just cuddles me and tells me we will get there in the end ! He also tells me I have never been normal ! My last meltdown was in the bath - I managed to climb in, but couldn’t sit down and was just stuck turning in circles trying to work out how to get down - now I can laugh about how silly I must have looked - just like a cat chasing it’s tail, but at that time all I could do was cry. He helped me get down and back up in the end, yes I do feel a burden or guilty at times too, but if the situation was reversed I would help him as he does me ......