Feeling sad

I haven't really got a question I'm just getting anxious every time I have to leave the house espicially if I'm by myself, feel rather silly,have been off work again because I started flaring but have to go back in a couple of weeks & I'm dreading it, just having to deal with people who say you look fine I sometimes feel like a phoney & wonder if it's in my head, I no its not but I just can't get my head around this horrible feeling. I've had ra for 4 yrs so thought it would get easier but it dosnt. Sorry for moaning but I had to get that off my chest hope everyone is well gentle hugs Michelle X

12 Replies

  • This is the place to be if you want something off your chest, don't worry we all feel like that sometimes

  • You are not on your own iam going through this at the moment I think it's part of this horrible disease I tell myself I doing what I want this disease is not going to brake my any further than it has I was diagnosed in2013 you have to battle on it hard

  • Have you tried changing your diet? Sorry if I'm asking the obvious but it helped me so much and I've battled this disease for nearly 40 years now! And I've used lots of alternative therapies, and gentle exercise like yoga and swimming. All seems to help with feeling more in control.

  • I don't believe it's moaning to state your truth. My experience with chronic illness is that it doesn't just 'get easier'. I have cycles, moments when it's easier to deal with than others. Having a flare leaves you pretty vulnerable to the the crappier moments. I really, really want to smack people who say 'you look fine'. Looking fine and being fine are not connected! I understand worrying about it being in my head, too, but I'm in awe of the fact that you work. Try to take this time to renew yourself, be kind to your battered body and spirit. Anxiety isn't silly, it's a real response to stress. Gentle hugs back,


  • google Charles Linden - it worked for me x

  • Hi Michelle, It is hard and I'm going through a bad patch at the moment. I've had burning pains in my feet since Feb and now also have a very sore and stiff right ankle. It's bearable if I can get a good night's sleep but that's very hit and miss. It's not in your head. I find work keeps me sane and stops me thinking about my symptoms. I have got very supportive bosses and colleagues, so I'm very lucky, plus I'm limping well at the moment! I've had RA since 2001, the first year was very difficult, constant pain and stiffness then I got prescribed Enbrel which was a miracle. Had to change one of my drugs last year because it was effecting my kidneys and things haven't been right since. I have to believe that it will settle down again and I'm staying as positive as I can. Is there anyone at work you are closer to or who has a condition or illness? Just having 1 sympathetic person can help. Maybe go back and say something like "I'm really glad I'm back at work but I have been having a difficult time, so please bear with me" Hopefully understanding and Support will follow. Thinking of you and sending you positive vibes


  • Thankyou you all for your replys it means so much to me that I come on here & not feel like I'm going to upset anyone, thankyou you all again xxx

  • Some of the meds we get given can give rise to anxiety too. WOrth checking.

    I find myself working out routes and accessibility more and more !

  • Dearest Michelle,

    I totally understand what you're talking about. Firstly, you're NOT a phoney so don't EVER think that way. You are someone with a chronic illness. You didn't ask for it. No one does.

    Having these 'low' periods is normal. Even people who have no medical issues have them. Coming here and saying how you feel will help loads. So please don't hesitate to do so.

    Thinking of you this weekend.

    Cas xx

  • Hi, I think a lot of people with RA get the comment of "you look well", with me included. What people don't know, is how we mask it and just try to get on with things, often at a physical cost! My anxiety is apparent when I have pain and feel unwell, as everything is beyond my control. Although I know this and that does help a little, it does not lift fully for me until I've got some pain control again. My mood is also low at this time. I hope this helps just knowing that you're not alone in feeling this way, and also that it does have its better times. Hope you feel better soon, and please let us know how you get on.

  • I'm getting "You look well!" several times a day at the moment, because I've lost weight and puffiness since my treatment has started. I usually resist saying "Thanks, but I feel sh*t!" Usually. ;)

    Yesterday, I went to the theatre with friends, and the closest we could park (even with a blue badge) was 300m away. That's a long way for me, and it was obvious I was finding it hard. My friend said "I didn't realise you were so bad, what with you looking so well and losing all that weight"... I'm afraid I was a bit snappy, and said "My disability has nothing to do with my weight!" It made me wonder if for the last 4-5 years, friends have been thinking I was a phoney, or that I would have had no problem walking if only I hadn't been fat! 😁 Most people just have no idea, do they?

  • I'm often greeted with "You look well!" my answer is "It's wonderful what drugs can do!" - but it does hurt, I know. It does make you feel as if people think you are faking illness... but you know that you are not, that all that time you were off how awful you felt, how much pain you have, how much treatment you need to get you to function.

    If you can practice some of the scenarios that you are likely to come across - the questions or statements other people are likely to make and the answers you can give, it gives you more confidence to tackle returning to work (which is difficult for everyone when they have been off)>.

    So "Haven't seen you for a while?" reply "I've been ill, but I'm glad to be trying back at work". Don't go into details, most people are not interested in hearing any detail, will switich off and leave you feeling put off. Use "I have an auto-immune disease" rather than Rheumatoid Arthritis, as the mention of arthritis always sets people off on copper bracelets and twinges.

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