Normalcy - When?

Hi my name is Benny.

It's not easy to consolidate my thoughts to explain the roller coaster of emotions that I am feeling right now. The battle from fantasy of being a victorious non smoker versus the reality of walking into a convenient store and lighting 1 up and freeing myself from this pain. It's weird how I always think nothing is hard enough if you put your mind into it.

This though, isn't the way I thought it would be, it's a bloody living hell.

I can't concentrate, and I do business development for a big organization.

I cancelled a date for the anxiety of being without cigarette kicks in and I told i gotta take my mom to a doctor. LAME.

The depression from this is overwhelmingly fearful.

I need someone to assure me or better pinpoint when it gets easier. I need that finish line, that array of hope, that damn light that we all hope for.

For the record, I smoke only a pack per day (on most days, just 10-12) and I have read some post of people smoking over 30 a day. They were able to do it, easy or not, I do not know. I am just not sure for I do not poise the same confidence or determination that they do.

I miss the normalcy of my physical and emotional being more than the cigarette itself.

6 Replies

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  • Hi Benny

    You don't say how far down the road you are? For me it was a few weeks, maybe a month, before I could concentrate properly and relax a little bit.

    I remember feeling like that - that if only I could just smoke, then I'd feel ok again...then I'd think, well, ok, yes I could buy some tobacco and smoke and it would mean what? That I'd wasted all the effort I'd already put in? That I'd have to start all over again if I wanted to be free? That I'd have another failure chalked up on my record? None of these were appealing! It really will get easier - I went cold turkey after smoking a little bit more than you for 20 years. And yes, the first few weeks were really hard. But at the same time I looked at all the positives ALL the time. I reminded myself what a great thing I was doing, how strong I could be and how much I wanted to be free. I rewarded myself all the time - another day without smoking? Great, have a new book! Have some nice food, whatever floats your boat.

    You're right, you really do just have to put your mind to it - be positive, be certain you're strong enough to not be controlled by a substance, and that every minute you are without a cigarette is a massive achievement which deserves recognition :)

    You're doing fine! Stick with it!

  • Incy I was thinking abt you this morning.

    Without saying much, I hope you are managing ok during the season, which I know it's brings up a lot of suffering for a lot of people.

    I thought of you because I too look at Christmas with a all different meaning.

    Big hug to you and your teenmonster! Happy Christmas.

  • Aw mmaya that's so sweet, thank you xxx

    All is well and positive thinking abounds :) Hugs back to you and yours lovely x

  • Hi Benny, certainly a hell of a ride! For me it was an hourly challenge up until day 47! That's when I realised for the first time that I was not thinking about the cigarettes 24 X 7.

    Normality, well I'm feeling pretty normal now, I can go the all day without thinking abt it... I certainly don't want one...no cravings...

    I haven't forgotten about them though...I think it might take a bit longer than this.

    Stay strong, you will get there, patience and knowledge rather than will power, I really have no will power and I'm still here. :)

  • Quitting's hard Benny until you really get your head round what you're doing.

    What I mean is when you reach the point when you start realizing that by not smoking you're achieving so much and losing nothing. It sometimes takes a while to get to this point but once you do it's pretty much plain sailing and you will realize that you can do all the things you did before just as well, or even better, than you did when you used to smoke.

    Try to accept you quit as a positive thing and see smoking for the controlling habit that we smokers let it become.

    You really are losing nothing and you will discover that you don't need smoking after all.

    Good luck Benny. It will all click into place soon and then you'll wonder why you ever smoked at all.

  • Benny, you posted in day 3, so I think you are in the thick of it. Everyone's quit is different, but I found the first week the worst, the next two somewhat better, then it got progressively better for me. You will not regret sticking with it. Good luck.

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