gave in

[nsd_user663_35121]

I feel terrible. I feel better.

Got my e.cig from my work drawer and had a few puffs on it. So nicotine back in my body.

After all my talk last week. What an idiot!!

I found today so difficult. Just not strong enough.

I feel pathetic, to be honest.

I'm not strong.

After all your support and encouragement, I feel I've let you down as well

What to do next? Will not smoke a fag, but will have ecig. See if that works for me

I'm sorry everyone

[nsd_user663_60880]

Aww elizabeth sorry to hear that. But its not a real cigarette - so you're still an ex smoker

I really recommend you try and avoid the ecig as much as possible. You dont want to make the nicotine seem precious to you over the long term if you can help it.

We are all still here for you. Did something happen that made you reach for the e-cig?

[nsd_user663_35121]

Ohh Sami. I feel so low and upset.

I'm so emotional.

It's just a way to suck it back down.

I don't know really. I'm a bit of a mess

[Canwes 1000 Days Smoke Free]

Elizabeth, nip it in the bud, your still on a good path of little or no nicotine so put the ecig down, nice and slow, nobody gets hurt. Good girl, now step away from it.

[Incy_Wincy]

Just big hugs, Elizabeth. You have not given in until you reach for the fags - the e-cig is just a weapon you've used, that's all. I agree with Sami that it's probably best not to start relying on it. But hey, if it helped you get through today, then that's a good thing, surely?

Pick your chin up, and take each moment as it comes tomorrow, you'll be ok, I have faith! I know you feel like a let-down. But in my book you're still doing brilliantly - you're still fighting; the fact you've come here and 'fessed up proves that Here, have my shield of positivity, I'm really busy tomorrow so I won't have time to need it xx

[nsd_user663_35121]

Thank you Sami, Incy and Canwes.

I'm puffing on the damn thing. And feel normal, and wretched at the same time...for being weak.

I may withdraw for a while a get myself together.

Would be hypocritical of me to be here

Thank again for all your support.

And good luck with your continuing quits

Xxxx

[nsd_user663_64024]

Elizabeth it's okay I also reach for my ecig but you know what I would rather have just nicotine in my body than the rest of the stuff that kills us, nicotine only stays in the body for a short while and some people give up while using their ecigs, don't leave the forum because of that I havn,t and I didn't think I was being a hypocrite I just know I need help for the next stage which is giving up the ecigs, I think the forum is not just for successes it's for people who want to quit, whichever way each of us can do it, you are certainly not a failure, all good

[Incy_Wincy]

Don't go away! You're not being hypocritical at all - other people have used e-cigs as a planned part of their quit...

I think it's safer if you stick around, even if only to read and lurk

Please don't feel wretched. I hope you regroup and feel more positive really soon xx

[nsd_user663_35121]

I don't know what I meant really about being hypocritical. Maybe I think if I'm not suffering through lack of nicotine what use can I be?

But you're absolutely right Jilli, this isn't all about success.

Thank you both. You're so kind and thoughtful x

[nsd_user663_64024]

Yeh good girl I want to see a post tomorrow whether you had an ecig or not, I am now using it as part of my quit, and if I have taken the long way round so be it this is hopefully going to be my way and if this doesn't work I'll try another way

[nsd_user663_64024]

The most important thing Elizabeth is not to give up trying that's how we become failures, while we are trying we will succeed maybe not the way some people do but if we are determined enough you and I can do it one way or another, yeh go us 😀😀😀😀😀😀

[nsd_user663_60880]

Addagirl Elizabeth We got your back

[Hercu Valued Contributor]

Hi Elizabeth

We, smokers who have chosen not to smoke anymore, will certainly always feel that there is something missing in our lives.

Maybe I am one of those lucky ones, I haven't anticipated it as a craving, I have accepted it (that "something missing'') as a challenge.to find something that was missing whilst I was addicted to nicotine.

Wow... that is confusing but in short..... I have searched and rediscovered life's little wonders.... Instead of lungs full of tar filled smoke I breathed lungs full of fresh air......... looking at the rising Africa sun without a cloud of smoke covering the picture.........Smell the soil after a little rain shower...... feel the energy I get free from the sun.... be me and not to be self confident because i have a cigarette clutched between my fingers.

Do not blame yourself Elisabeth and no body is weak but keep on searching for the little wonders beyond nicotine.... You will find it.....!!!!!

[nsd_user663_35121]

Oh Hercu, I AM searching for something.

This has happened before, and I'm sure it's nothing new or special or unique, but when I attempt to stop smoking, I cry. And cry and feel lonely and alone.

I am alone, that it true. When I'm smoking I can swallow all these emotions along with the smoke. When I stop smoking, they surge up and overwhelm me.

I have to find a way to be content that does not require drugs. I do want a healthy body and a peaceful mind.

Thank you for your thoughts. You paint a wonderful picture of the beauty of your life.

You have found the place to be. In your heart and mind.

[Hercu Valued Contributor]

Hi Elisabeth

I am very sorry If I was rude to paint my wonderful new discovered life......

You are in such a different position and I am so sorry but i really wanted you to know that after that initial crying and totally lost feeling there IS life out there......

I was there Liz.....on my first week I took a weeks leave to get away from work pressure..

I thought being in nature would ease the "Pain"..... I was sitting on the beach fully equipped to go out on my Kayak and haven't had the guts to go out into the surf...

My brain was telling me ..... take one cigarette and you will be able to bash these waves and be happy again.......

I turned the Nicodemon's offer down and returned to camp feeling useless, good for nothing, piece of garbage..........

Then I started drinking green tee, got myself a herbal supplement to get the brain going again and from there it went better day by day and I was discovering life again....

Definitely one of my biggest rewards in those difficult discovery days was when my 5 year old grand daughter hugged me with the words: You smell so nice Gramps......

It is so nice not to smoke........please stay strong !!!!!!

[nsd_user663_35121]

Dear Hercu

I absolutely did NOT think you were being rude. Quite the contrary.

I appreciate so much that people share their experiences

I think what I was trying to say is that I don't have a partner or children, and quitting smoking seems to emphasise my loneliness.

This sounds like a pathetic excuse, and of course it is, but after a day using the e-cig I feel quite "normal" and quite able to cope with my lonely life.

My plan is not to return to tobacco. Get fitter. Find a lovely boyfriend😊 who doesn't smoke. Keep on trying to find my place in the world.

Have a lovely weekend, Hercu

X

[Hercu Valued Contributor]

No Elizabeth thank you...I did not feel offended but really sorry for you suffering alone.......

Being alone is not a pathetic excuse but making it so much more complicated.

I like your will and quest: Not to return to tobacco..... Get fitter..... Find a lovely (and caring) non smoking boyfriend and your place in the world (It is there... look for it small pieces at a time):cool:

Same to you Elizabeth

X