I thought I would think differently about this addiction after several months. But nothing really changed much. People compare smoking with wearing tight shoes, so when you smoke a cigarette it feels like taking the shoe off. I truly never felt like that. I ENJOYED smoking fully. Not every cigarette, but at least 80% of them still gave me a buzz in the head, that great feeling. Maybe it's different for others who have smoked longer than me, I don't know. I just know that when I quit I still had that buzz feeling and the morning fag still sometimes gave me that light headed feeling.
I am well aware that this is all due to drug addiction, but I have to admit that I loved those ups and downs. I don't have anything to look forward to ~15-20 times per day now.
People say you start to discover yourself and change after you quit. This is so true. But I don't really like the new me! This new me guy is both boring and bored himself. He lacks confidence. He often feels lonely since he quit, even though his social circle didn't change much. Drinking and hanging out with friends is not nearly as fun as it was before.
I spend a lot of time during those nights thinking about fags and always have massive craves the next day. So I really don't look forward to going out, seeing my friends etc. I used to enjoy several drinks 1-2 times/week and really savored those moments while drinking, smoking and having fun with friends. Now all of that is just a shadow of what it used to be.
Don't even get me started on situations where you are by yourself at a social event. NOT having a fag at those particular times is the worst. I recently went my gf's cousin wedding and several other occasions which kinda caught me off guard. At least with a fag I entertained myself somehow, now I just sit there like an idiot. You'll ask "Well, how do other people who not smoke and sit by themselves look like"? They look (and I bet feel) bored as s**t.
Still feel like "something is missing" in every situation I used to smoke, even after almost 5 months. Nothing is really completely satisfying.
Actually feel SCARED to do/plan a couple of serious live events because I don't know how I will manage to do it without fags. It just wouldn't be right, I couldn't enjoy it fully etc.
Sometimes I just feel like saying "Screw it, I'll take my chances with potential diseases" and start smoking again. I already do everything "right" in my life, and fags were my only "sin". Not a religious person at all, but you get the point.