Mood has somewhat lifted. I never want another day like yesterday or ever want to have to experience that feeling again (but im sure ill get a few more unsettling days, lol the storm before the calm.)
Jeepers!!!! Id hate to be suffering with depression cause if that's what it feels like to be sour and glum and feelings of being lost and alone - well not alone exactly, Ive got you folks. ( to be honest, I didn't want to be around anyone to project my feelings of whatever it was yesterday that I was feeling glum about.) I guess feeling down on a full time basis, that in itself would zap some energy. That's a lot of stolen energies and time. Time away from family and friends everytime you light up aswell. Precious precious time. Anyway its the weekend and here I am, a survivor of Day 5. I must add too that my mouth has been in a dry state and ive had a few mouth ulcers. On a plus note though, I can feel its improving and Ive started taking some vitamin supplements to try and combat any deficiencies I might be lacking due to my "smoking days".
Oh does that feel good to say that. Its something that's in the past. My future no longer includes Mr C taking control of my life. I control it. Ha Ha Ha Mr Nicotine bull****ter. what did you ever bring to my life? Nothing but worry and stale smells and and and...a slave to wasting money and time on you. what did you ever create nice in my life? Need I go on folks.
I did a bit of reading about it (mouth ulcers) and so it seems that smoking depletes quite a few vitamins and doesn't allow certain vitamins to do the jobs they are supposed to. Very interesting. Click on the link below or copy and paste this into your search engine. You'll be astonished at some of the facts.
Anyway yesterday after work I went up town to buy a birthday present for my dearest friend, my Mum. Its her 68th birthday and folks I admire her so much. My mum got a scare at the age of 58. She was a heavy smoker and quit when she got pains in her chest. I never ever thought she would be able to since she was a 40 a day smoker. My sister and I paid for her to have some private consultations and some tests done to make sure her heart was ok. She has never looked back and she now celebrates 2 birthdays, the date she gave up smoking (a nice way to look at being reborn.) Ten years off smoking. Whaooooow Mum, well done.
I parked my car near to the Richmond centre and upon exiting the car I saw a cigarette box on the ground. In my anger I stomped on it like it was a rat at my feet. Lol. Next up I was entering the shopping centre and pitying the ones standing outside dragging senselessly on some white stick with a brown end. How blind we all are when smoking. I mean who wants cataracts prematurely. Everytime you see a cigarette and you are about to light up, see it as a doctor in disguise cause eventually you will need a doctor in a white coat. My grandfather had emphysema of the lungs. Smoked away back those cigarettes without filters. Had athsma/emphysema until the end of his life and sat in the house like a hermit cause he didn't have the breath to walk the length of himself. Found by his home help in Belfast he took a turn for the worst and died struggling to breathe. Is that the way we want to end up. Certainly not.
Steven my boyfriend recently heard from John, a pal of his about an acquaintance they both used to know (Joe). Steven got in touch with Joe to see how he was. Joe invited him round to his home a few weeks back. To Stevens horror he witnessed Joe strapped full time to an oxygen tank and has only been like that this last five years (Emphysema) - caused by smoking. Joe is 60 years old. Sure brings it all back regarding my grandfather and his ailments. Steven has witnessed Joe hardly being able to walk from one room to the other without getting breathless and not being able to stand any length of time. Good God, what an existence. Joe is in a wheelchair and rarely goes out. Again, no thanks.. I want a quality of life. I will meet Joe soon. It will be good to hear his story even though its quite a sad outcome and his quality of life is impaired.
I think sometimes about what damage Ive already done to my own lungs. I hope Ive stopped in time to repair any damage or stop any further damage. If we don't have lung function, then how can our bodies function normally cause we need oxygen to be carried by our lungs into the bloodstream to every part of the body. If our arteries have narrowed due to the thickening of our arterial walls then our blood cant pass through the same and do its natural job. Smoking makes our blood thicker and isn't as oxygenated so then our hearts have to work harder pumping and what happens if our hearts become damaged by a stroke due to a clot forming cause the blood has thickened due to smoking -. Hmmm. All very scarey stuff.
Folks Im clean and staying clean. Anyone that's tempted please think twice. Ill suffer my unsettling days rather than suffer the future of a stroke or a lost limb cause lets face it, that would be somewhat more uncomfortable don't ya think
Thankyou to everyone who takes the time to read my blog and submit your supporting comments. Best of luck to you all and talk soon.