Day 6 - Thank God day 5 is over

Hiya folks,

Mood has somewhat lifted. I never want another day like yesterday or ever want to have to experience that feeling again (but im sure ill get a few more unsettling days, lol the storm before the calm.)

Jeepers!!!! Id hate to be suffering with depression cause if that's what it feels like to be sour and glum and feelings of being lost and alone - well not alone exactly, Ive got you folks. ( to be honest, I didn't want to be around anyone to project my feelings of whatever it was yesterday that I was feeling glum about.) I guess feeling down on a full time basis, that in itself would zap some energy. That's a lot of stolen energies and time. Time away from family and friends everytime you light up aswell. Precious precious time. Anyway its the weekend and here I am, a survivor of Day 5. I must add too that my mouth has been in a dry state and ive had a few mouth ulcers. On a plus note though, I can feel its improving and Ive started taking some vitamin supplements to try and combat any deficiencies I might be lacking due to my "smoking days".

Oh does that feel good to say that. Its something that's in the past. My future no longer includes Mr C taking control of my life. I control it. Ha Ha Ha Mr Nicotine bull****ter. what did you ever bring to my life? Nothing but worry and stale smells and and and...a slave to wasting money and time on you. what did you ever create nice in my life? Need I go on folks.

I did a bit of reading about it (mouth ulcers) and so it seems that smoking depletes quite a few vitamins and doesn't allow certain vitamins to do the jobs they are supposed to. Very interesting. Click on the link below or copy and paste this into your search engine. You'll be astonished at some of the facts.

mcvitamins.com/Health%20Opp...

Anyway yesterday after work I went up town to buy a birthday present for my dearest friend, my Mum. Its her 68th birthday and folks I admire her so much. My mum got a scare at the age of 58. She was a heavy smoker and quit when she got pains in her chest. I never ever thought she would be able to since she was a 40 a day smoker. My sister and I paid for her to have some private consultations and some tests done to make sure her heart was ok. She has never looked back and she now celebrates 2 birthdays, the date she gave up smoking (a nice way to look at being reborn.) Ten years off smoking. Whaooooow Mum, well done.

I parked my car near to the Richmond centre and upon exiting the car I saw a cigarette box on the ground. In my anger I stomped on it like it was a rat at my feet. Lol. Next up I was entering the shopping centre and pitying the ones standing outside dragging senselessly on some white stick with a brown end. How blind we all are when smoking. I mean who wants cataracts prematurely. Everytime you see a cigarette and you are about to light up, see it as a doctor in disguise cause eventually you will need a doctor in a white coat. My grandfather had emphysema of the lungs. Smoked away back those cigarettes without filters. Had athsma/emphysema until the end of his life and sat in the house like a hermit cause he didn't have the breath to walk the length of himself. Found by his home help in Belfast he took a turn for the worst and died struggling to breathe. Is that the way we want to end up. Certainly not.

Steven my boyfriend recently heard from John, a pal of his about an acquaintance they both used to know (Joe). Steven got in touch with Joe to see how he was. Joe invited him round to his home a few weeks back. To Stevens horror he witnessed Joe strapped full time to an oxygen tank and has only been like that this last five years (Emphysema) - caused by smoking. Joe is 60 years old. Sure brings it all back regarding my grandfather and his ailments. Steven has witnessed Joe hardly being able to walk from one room to the other without getting breathless and not being able to stand any length of time. Good God, what an existence. Joe is in a wheelchair and rarely goes out. Again, no thanks.. I want a quality of life. I will meet Joe soon. It will be good to hear his story even though its quite a sad outcome and his quality of life is impaired.

I think sometimes about what damage Ive already done to my own lungs. I hope Ive stopped in time to repair any damage or stop any further damage. If we don't have lung function, then how can our bodies function normally cause we need oxygen to be carried by our lungs into the bloodstream to every part of the body. If our arteries have narrowed due to the thickening of our arterial walls then our blood cant pass through the same and do its natural job. Smoking makes our blood thicker and isn't as oxygenated so then our hearts have to work harder pumping and what happens if our hearts become damaged by a stroke due to a clot forming cause the blood has thickened due to smoking -. Hmmm. All very scarey stuff.

Folks Im clean and staying clean. Anyone that's tempted please think twice. Ill suffer my unsettling days rather than suffer the future of a stroke or a lost limb cause lets face it, that would be somewhat more uncomfortable don't ya think :(

Thankyou to everyone who takes the time to read my blog and submit your supporting comments. Best of luck to you all and talk soon.

Paula :p

Breathe free

3 Replies

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  • Really quite shocking reading your post. Feeling a bit down at the mo but as you say, the consequences of not quitting are very much worse.

    So up yours nicotine! You never gave me anything, and i dont need you. Get your stinky ass out of my life and dont return....I'm onto better things you evil b**tard.

    Ha, rant over...feeling better now :)

    Have a great day, smelling great and breathing easy :):D:):D:):D

  • Hi Andy,

    Good for you. You just made me giggle with your rant. Youre right!!!!! Fingers up to vampire Nico. He aint getting any more of my blood.

    Yeah, taking one more risk could be our last at having a quality of life. You and your wife have made a choice just like myself to give up and that's the best decision we've all made by far. Especially for you and your wife for your 4 children and me for my son. A good choice. Give me one incident whereby smoking made you better or improved your quality of life?

    Well I feel good at least with not letting the government tax me twice on one product and boy is that a dear price to pay for something to make you actually feel like sh**. Hmmmmm.

    I don't get it though, why buy and make yourself miserable being out of pocket for something that becomes a nothing. (How stupid have I been) Conspiracy nicotine. I'll get you hooked so the government can put more in their coffers.

    I wonder how many people would burn a fiver or a tenner to make themselves feel good. Now that's silly. How many would cut out the middle action (the actual purchase of the pack) and just set light to the money. None Im afraid. Where does it say on the ciggy pack " I promise the customer that I will make you happy. Aye right!!!!! At least you get something for your money when you purchase so that's a promise alright. Gosh Ive just realised Ive been angry for a long long time. I did that to myself. Good grief. Ive been punishing myself for years.

    Today I feel my chest is clearer and breathing in I feel I can expand my lungs to a greater degree. (Think I'll have a wee sing song later and make use of my lungs instead of harming them) My sinus trouble (which caused me to take to my bed last weekend) has all gone, no pain under my eyes or nasal cavities, no headache, pain at top of jaw/teeth gone, pain in mouth dissipating and left ear popped. My body is repairing itself. . . Fascinating!

    Laters folks

    Paula

    Breathe free and stay safe :)

  • Glad to hear you're feeling better Paula, and that the benefits of quitting are begining to become apparent. That's a very sad story about Joe and your boyfriend must have been terribly upset to see him in such a state. I do a regular stint as a speaker at a pulmonary rehabilitation programme at the local hospital and there's nearly always at least one or two on oxegyn. A colleague of mine, who has COPD and who went through the programme himself, said that more than half the people in his group were still smoking despite having COPD/emphysema. They just couldn't give up.

    It definitely makes you count your lucky stars doesn't it?

    Anyway, on a more cheerful note, by the time you read this you'll have a whole week under you belt and how fantastic is that? Well done Paula, and may the rest of your weekend be happy and crave-free. :)

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