Wow, I have been gone for a bit and there has been all kinds of hi-jinx happening around here :eek:
Lest anybody think I have thrown in the towel, today is day 29 and I am still quit even though this week so far has been a complete ***** show in my part of the universe. There have been lots of great posts in the past two days. I have enjoyed my morning going through them all and I feel just a bit stronger for doing so.
I hope you all will indulge me by continuing to read through to the end of this post. I was unsure about putting this out there but I think it may help someone else so I will share.......
It would appear that I will have lots of free time in the days ahead to be here since as of Monday past I am no longer employed grrrrrrrr :mad: I can't believe I have managed to hang on to this quit through this personal mess I am going through but wow, here I am.
Last year I would have gone right back to smoking so I am pretty proud of myself at the moment.
As I was driving home on Monday afternoon my thoughts were find a shop and buy some ciggies & lots of booze quick (because that is what I do) well used to anyway lol. As some of you know I gave up alcohol in January and waited 4 months to try quitting smoking so I wouldn't be so stressed that I would blow my sobriety trying to do both. Amazing how as addicts all we need is one excuse
I argued with myself the whole 45 minute ride home over it. There were two things I wanted in those moments more than anything else in the world and I tell you, my mind didn't care about anyone or anything else. Not consequences, promises,nothing. I wanted to be really drunk and I wanted a damn smoke because after all poor me life is throwing crap my way so I deserve to be able to have what I want, right?
I sat in the lot of the shop for 20 minutes crying like an idiot, when I suddenly realized that I had to make a choice, I had to draw a line in the sand because otherwise I will fail at everything I ever try, I will lose all the good stuff I do have and every time something bad happens in my life there will be the excuse I need to give myself permission to fail.
I have to say as well that I made a promise to someone here also that I wouldn't give up my sobriety for anything and I hope she reads this because our last conversation was playing through my mind in those moments and I wanted to be able to say I am keeping my promise.
I guess I want everyone to know that your posts matter! When you share your triumphs and struggles, they do help others here in ways that you may never be aware of.
At the end of the day that is what this place is really about and I just want to thank everyone here for helping me to want to be accountable to myself.
Sorry so long, whew I didn't know I would write all that :eek: looking forward to month 2 alcohol & smoke free albeit unemployed