2nd attempt - no support at home

Hi there,

I quit 7 weeks ago, my husband was working away and i just thought i don't want to do this anymore, after 20 years of about 20 cigarettes a day. I started with patches and e-cigarette. 3 weeks into those i thought, i don't want these anymore either so stopped, cold turkey. No one told me i was doing well but i thought all was going well, until the last week. My mother-in-law and brother-in-law are the most un-supportive, selfish people i know. In truth they havn't changed a bit, i have, i wasn't smoking and so rather than have a fag and forget about their nastiness (which i might add is unreal, i could write an eastenders plot with these in-laws) the frustration, bewilderment and anger has been building up until i blew. I have been exercising 3 times a week and loving it for the first time in my life and although i knew i was a bit grumpy i didn't think i was that bad.

My husband won't stop smoking in the house and feel he isn't any support either, he just put a fag in my face and told me to smoke it before i did something terrible out of anger........i am so cross with myself for allowing them to bully me into it again and yet he now tells me i don't have to smoke!!!!!! I am so confused and i just want some support.

I have never been prouder of myself than i was for quitting, so here we go again - 2nd attempt but can anyone help with the anger, it is only my in-laws that make me angry - the other 99% of the time i'm a really happy shiny person!

9 Replies

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  • Hi Digga, I'm sorry you are feeling so desperate at the moment. TBH I'm wondering whether your issues are smoking or home life. If your husband's only reaction to your anger with your inlaws is to "shove" a fag in your face I would be very doubtful that only the inlaws are bullies. Have you no friends or family your side to back you up at all?

  • Hi lovely,

    Thanks for the reply.

    No you are right, my home life is the issue but none of them can see it because it's normal for them to live like they do, so they blame me and giving up smoking. I nearly left on sunday, thats when they shoved a fag in my face and told me to calm down. It's so frustrating that after 20 years of giving to the family in every way, there is no support for me. I know i was grumpy and i really didn't want my daughter to see me like that but at 12 she understands how hard giving up is - she's the only one in the house. Both my mother and father frequently say that they couldn't live around the inlaws and they don't know how i do it, without fags neither do i! I have to crack it, i won't let it beat me or allow them to control me, maybe take up a contact sport like boxercise! I think just having support from you lovely lot here will help me loads, venting!

  • Vent as much as you want, that is what we are here for. IMHO I would attack the quit as something that is just for you, after all, they can't take away something only you can control - and think how proud your daughter will be. Get back to the quack and get on a programme that works for you, I would recommend that you see any programme all the way through to the end, too many of us have fallen foul to thinking we've nailed it, come straight off the NRT and then fall off the wagon. I think taking up any activity that involves you getting out and meeting other people is a fantastic idea as well, then the hubby and inlaws will be a smaller part of your life making it easier to ignore their cruel jibes - Believe in you, you are worth more than becoming a statistic. Be strong & good luck :)

  • Oh, Digga.....poor you, re the inlaws. :( But.....there are only a few of them and there are loads of us, so they are well outnumbered. Also, the inlaws (outlaws?:D) might not care whether or not you smoke, but I'll tell you something......your daughter cares and so do we. :)

    So, as Jenninegs said......get yourself onto a programme of some sort. Get in touch with your local stop-smoking adviser at your county council, or your doctor's surgery, for advice re the best way of quitting for you, in your particular circumstances. They can discuss the options which will be available to you.

    Your daughter is far more precious than your inlaws and she is firmly on your side.......the two of you together are so strong, much stronger than your weak-willed inlaws. Keep a picture of her in your mind for when the going gets tough and celebrate with her when things go well.

    Keep coming here for support or for a rant or a scream or to record your progress. Read the whole forum of peoples' experiences.......happy:), sad:(, frustrated:confused:, angry:mad:, joyous:D .......all the feelings that can be encountered during a quit.

    You can do this if you really want to and if you set your mind to it, despite the provocation from your inlaws....rise above it, keep your daughter in your mind, get whatever help you can from your local stop-smoking service, keep coming here and quietly and privately adopt the moral high ground as far as the inlaws are concerned.

    Sorry for the long post.....sometimes there is so much I want to say!

    Val

  • What about getting some nic-gum and popping half a chick-let in when you feel yourself becoming irate around the outlaws. It worked for me.

    If they wont leave the house to smoke, go into another room or for a walk. However, I think they should go outside to support you in your quit.

  • next time he throws a cigarette in your face tell him he can stick it up his backside along with his head!!

    OMG just did a Bruno! I couldn't have put it better myself :D

  • We all really feel for you and will be here to support you. You just stick to your guns though! If NRT helps you then use it - but maybe stick to it for a bit longer this time. I used an e cig and it helped me a lot!!!!

    Perhaps you could have a heart to heart with your hubby and explain that you are going to stop and even though you aren't asking him to do the same, you would really appreciate his support. Perhaps he could restrict his smoking to outside or at least one small room in the house? He is probably just either jealous that you are able to stop while he is still addicted or he doesn't want to lose his smoking partner in crime!

    Fingers crossed for you and a huge virtual hug on the way!!!

    Sarah

  • Thank you so much peeps, you are all just what i need!!!! Picking up patches at midday, went to the gp yesterday.........my daughter is more important than any of them. it's so frustrating trying to explain to people who havn't even tried how hard it can be, but i must admit i only found it hard at times, depending n who was winding me up!

    POSITIVE day today.........i will quit, i will beat the monster and i will not become one :D

    I will defo stay connected to you lovely lot because you understand!

    Thank you xxxx

  • what an utter B*stid!!!!.....what kind of a partner is that?

    do it for yourself!...and ya kiddy!......its a real shame you have to put up with his smoke,..god,..im a month clean,..and a wiff of fag does me in sometimes!

    stay strong,....we are all here!

    chin up!

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