Can't quit, won't quit!

My head is frazzled, I'm thinking this is no longer a case of can't quit but more of won't quit although I'm trying I mustn't be fully committed if I can give in at the drop of a hat!

Harsh words more than welcome this time! I really need a kick up the a*rse!

Seriously what's it going to take, my father died I emphysema and my mother of lung cancer both which I witnessed from beginning to end. I've read all the books, bought so many hypnotherapy apps, tried champix, patches, spray, minis, gum and cold turkey.

I'm seriously f**ked off with this but I keep believing the just one more will help!

Am I a lost cause, feel so down in the dumps :(

I wouldn't be surprised if no one replies, I don't deserve it after the many chances you's have given me, sorry

22 Replies

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  • You do want to do it else you wouldn't be here and wouldn't be feeling so bad about it! n think of it as a blip that's all it is!

  • Awwwwww...Mashy!!

    You may not be ready mentally to quit yet, we can't make you quit through tough love, tough words......its' all down to you at the end of the day.

    You have said it yourself really-you have taken every NRT under the sun, so to me that says its not the withdrawl (as nicotine is still in your system) its' all down to the mental torment you are finding difficult to battle......and being aware of that should help-its' all in the head-you win the war on the nico-demons in your head...then you win the battle not to smoke.....

    BIG HUGS-I ADMIRE YOU.......you may be down...but certainly not OUT!!!;)

  • :(

    Sorry to.hear your struggling hun

    :mad:

    That pesky nicodine monster is really got you doubting yourself and your believe in your quit

    The fact you have posted on here instead of just carrying on smoking and thinking you need to carry on smoking means there is apart of you that wants to win this initial battle of quitting

    Please don't give up giving up

    You will find your way by taking it slowly one minute at a time If needed

    Draw up your battle plans and put previous attempts down to experiences learnt

    And please be kind to yourself not angry that nasty demon inside is using any means to try and keep you hooked

    You can do this

    Stay strong

    Sending virtual (((*))) HUGS to you

    X

  • You hit the nail on the head in your first sentence MrsMash, until you are committed to a quit it will never happen.

    No amount of external influences will help you succeed, you have to want to quit for yourself, not for any other reason.

    The turning point for me was when I mentally went from wanting to quit to not wanting to smoke.

    At first I really wanted to quit, but I also missed smoking (or so I thought), so each crave was a real battle, but me wanting to quit helped me see each crave off no matter how bad I felt.

    Eventually, I realised that psychologically I had changed from wanting to quit to not wanting to smoke.

    That was when I knew I had grasped the fact that quitting wasn't giving something up, it was reclaiming my life back. I wasn't depriving myself of anything, I was giving myself better health, wealth and happiness.

    To start with you will need to battle the craves until your brain catches up with your desire, but battle you must and finding excuses everywhere to "allow" yourself to smoke is junky, addict thinking which will lead to relapse after relapse.

    You have to REALLY want it, enough to go through every painful crave that comes your way.

    Do you REALLY want it?

  • Not a lot I can add to everyone else's advice, quitting is a serious business and you have to be in the driving seat, strapped in and ready to go before you will make any inroads into a serious quit. I know I've said this over and over, but I used every reason (EXCUSE) I could think of as to why I just couldn't stop smoking, every day I would have a shower, then have a ciggie as I was drying off (Imagine, I am freezing my butt off outside the back door to have a smoke) I then put on a patch and would manage to go 9-10 hrs without a fag, desperately wanting one, until I got home, I would then smoke two on the trot because I'd had a hard day, not once taking into account the reason I was having a bad day was that I wasn't giving the nicotine monster his required dosage. I would diligently tell the other half that I wasn't going to smoke tomorrow and the whole thing would start again. I even was rushed to A&E as I couldn't physically breathe in May this year, I was hooked up to the nebuliser, given steroids to help my lungs work then an oxygen mask, I went home the following morning and managed to go a whole 48 hours before I had to have a fag. The top and bottom of it was, I was not ready to give up, and it didn't matter that I was waiting to see a consultant as the hospital believed I had COPD, it didn't matter that my father was in hospital having half a lung removed because of cancer. I carried on the same path, blaming the hot weather for making me take 3/4 showers a day so that I couldn't put a patch on. If it wasn't for my surgery nurse twigging exactly what I was doing and telling me straight what I was in store for then I would probably be doing the same now, actually, if it wasn't for the fact that she told me that after two weeks of taking Champix that if I smoked I wouldn't get any satisfaction from it that I didn't try. Now I am so "into" my quit that someone offering me a shedload of money couldn't make me take a puff. I don't know what will "Click" with you but something will, it might even be this slip, I hope so. Have a long chat with yourself, only you will know for certain if you are ready for it now. Wishing you masses of strength and gumption for a final run at it, and big hugs.

  • ok,..ill say bit!....not everyone will agree,..but its working for me!

    I have been a very heavy smoker for 30 years!...being a truck driver,..smoking has allways been easy,..no boss over my shoulder,..tax free fags on tap,..i should be dead now,..without a doubt!

    do i want to give up?....honest answer...no!! This is the bit everyone will say i wont suceed,..wrong...cos i am

    I have numerous half hearted attempts behind me,..cold turkey,.fail,..champix..utter disaster..patches..umm...

    this time i have a goal,..(as mentioned in other posts)..but also,..im doing it slightly different.....i cant handle giving up all of it all at once,..been too long,..ive smoked since i was 11,..i cant even remmeber never smoking..(sad i know,..but theres reasons for that too)

    i started this time on patches and mints,..did that for a week,..(took the edge off)...but needed that hit..(i was a wreck)

    i got an efag,..dont use it alot,..a few puffs at the worst moments,..it really works,..i know the battle with nicodemon is being extended,..but i cant handle it all,..all at once. Three weeks in and im over tobacco,..the rolling habit,..my hands are clean,..my breathing is fantasic,..the house n car dont smell,..and my bank account is brilliant!

    this IS working for me,..the nicodemon is on the cards,..reduction on the cards allready,..i will reduce,..when im ready,..on my terms

    dont give up!...seriously,..find your path,..ive found mine!

  • Mrs Mash

    Sounds to me you are now trying to give yourself permission to just keep on smoking. What the hell you had one eh ? So trying to justify smoking for a wee while longer.

    When will you stop then ? When YOU get the lung cancer ? Will you stop then ? Or will it be too late for you then and so you'll use that excuse ?

    Th choice is your. It always was. You can stop now or not. Nothing I say is going to change it. I would hope you have the balls to wise up and crack on though.

    Paul

  • My head is frazzled, I'm thinking this is no longer a case of can't quit but more of won't quit although I'm trying I mustn't be fully committed if I can give in at the drop of a hat!

    Harsh words more than welcome this time! I really need a kick up the a*rse!

    Seriously what's it going to take, my father died I emphysema and my mother of lung cancer both which I witnessed from beginning to end. I've read all the books, bought so many hypnotherapy apps, tried champix, patches, spray, minis, gum and cold turkey.

    I'm seriously f**ked off with this but I keep believing the just one more will help!

    Am I a lost cause, feel so down in the dumps :(

    I wouldn't be surprised if no one replies, I don't deserve it after the many chances you's have given me, sorry

    Mrs Mash,

    I have no idea if I can help. Like you say, you've tried so many methods before. But you WILL crack this eventually. We all have our own way of getting through tough times and you just need to find yours and hold onto it!

    Until you discover what can give you that extra push, here is what helped me at my worst moments: I LITERALLY took my quit a day at a time. I told myself to hang on just one more day. I thought I was doomed to failure and was just waiting for that moment to come when I would pick up a cigarette and smoke it. I got close ... But it never happened. And I'm sure that this is because I just stopped worrying about how long I could "manage" and focused on not smoking for that particular day. Time just started to move onwards and I realised that I was still "doing it", still not smoking. And then I was proud and happy :)

    Good luck hun. Keep fighting!! X

  • Your quit, your way

    I think you should take all the wise advice given here to you and take it away to work out what works with you. I am not very experienced and only one week under my belt, but I think even if you are not ready, keep on trying as practice makes perfect...maybe in one attempt you find the formula that works for you?

    You were amazing over the weekend, went out did not smoke, and that is the worst trigger but it seems that the stress is even stronger than alcohol. You have said that you have tried everything, but what about having everything at once (I don't mean Champix or overdosing) but have patches and then minis, spray, inhalator and an e-cig for good measure dotted around so you will reach for them before a cig? It might not be the best long term solution but if it helps....

    ....anyway don't give up giving up and don't delay it, it was just a blip ;)

  • Mrs M

    Wow, look at the support you have received! Each and every reply was Ab Fab.

    I echo each and everyone varying answer.

    Fi x

  • Ah, It is so painful to hear others struggle! I am the same Mash, My mum is even starting to get upset about the whole thing not because she particulary wants me to quit, more because IM getting MYSELF in a state about it. Which is no good for the mindset.

    I caved yesterday again, but I know why, My heart was not in it are you perhaps feeling the same? tired of the fight? headbutting the wall 'why cant I do this!?' I think you are.

    My advice? And what i plan on doing? set yourself a new date. In the mean time go back to smoking exactly how you would naturally. and just do it. Somewhere in you is someone who wants to quit, and smoking again will resurface that person and If im right you will get to about 3 days before you quit day and want it to hurry up so you can quit! I did this in my last 'serious' quit and i was really looking foward to quiting in the end :D

    you wont quit because your scared of what might happen to you otherwise, you will quit because you find smoking disgusting and you will miss feeling clean, because you know how that feels now. Try Cold turkey, plunge yourself in it. It sounds like your more of an addict than a habbit smoker, and you wouldnt say to a heroin addict to smoke rather than inject which is what NRT is really.

    Anyways good luck in whatever you do hun xxxx

  • Thank you all

    Thanks everyone for your brilliant support and wise words!

    As you all say as much as I want to quit, I'm not fully there. I'm taking some time out to rethink things and come up with a prepared plan rather than jumping off and falling off again!

    To begin with I've finally started that diary I've been chatting about and signed up to the free smoking course on about.com to help me understand my addiction and why I smoke.

    Any other info you can point me in the direction of to help would be greatly appreciated!!

    Once again, thank you all. I will do this, I will be free! Just need to figure out my way to beat this :confused:

  • Ah, It is so painful to hear others struggle! I am the same Mash, My mum is even starting to get upset about the whole thing not because she particulary wants me to quit, more because IM getting MYSELF in a state about it. Which is no good for the mindset.

    I caved yesterday again, but I know why, My heart was not in it are you perhaps feeling the same? tired of the fight? headbutting the wall 'why cant I do this!?' I think you are.

    My advice? And what i plan on doing? set yourself a new date. In the mean time go back to smoking exactly how you would naturally. and just do it. Somewhere in you is someone who wants to quit, and smoking again will resurface that person and If im right you will get to about 3 days before you quit day and want it to hurry up so you can quit! I did this in my last 'serious' quit and i was really looking foward to quiting in the end :D

    you wont quit because your scared of what might happen to you otherwise, you will quit because you find smoking disgusting and you will miss feeling clean, because you know how that feels now. Try Cold turkey, plunge yourself in it. It sounds like your more of an addict than a habbit smoker, and you wouldnt say to a heroin addict to smoke rather than inject which is what NRT is really.

    Anyways good luck in whatever you do hun xxxx

    Woah WTF, I hate to be rude but how on earth do you "smoke naturally" and how can you advise anyone to go CT when you've never flaming managed it yourself. Also, have you ever heard of methadone? It's the heroin addict's NRT and it had been known to do the trick every now and again. Nikki, you would love to be a non-smoker but aren't yet ready, or willing, to go through the tough stuff, so in the meantime you lap up the sympathy of the unbelievably good natured souls on here who want to believe you mean it "this time" . By all means, keep up the serial quitter cycle yourself but don't encourage others to do something that you're not capable of yourself :mad:

  • Thanks everyone for your brilliant support and wise words!

    As you all say as much as I want to quit, I'm not fully there. I'm taking some time out to rethink things and come up with a prepared plan rather than jumping off and falling off again!

    To begin with I've finally started that diary I've been chatting about and signed up to the free smoking course on about.com to help me understand my addiction and why I smoke.

    Any other info you can point me in the direction of to help would be greatly appreciated!!

    Once again, thank you all. I will do this, I will be free! Just need to figure out my way to beat this :confused:

    MrsMash, to risk sounding like a clichéd psychic, you are at a crossroads in your quit, two choices, take the left fork and get back in the saddle of your quit, or, take the right fork, carry on regardless and in a couple of days/weeks/months start all over again. I personally would be cautious of an online course to "understand" your addiction, to me it's simple, nicotine is addictive, once you're hooked you stay hooked until YOU break the addiction. If you need to join a group, ring NHS direct for a cessation group in your area. You have to have your light bulb moment, until then you could be on this relentless cycle for years. I so hope you can hear pennies dropping and that you grab this thing by the throat and finish it once and for all. Good Luck and big hugs.

  • Hi im new to this site. I noticed you have been through a lot with losses associated with smoking.

    Giving up smoking is mentally hard. I know I use to use smoking as a defence so I was hiding behind my cigarette. The biggest challenge I am facing is when im not smoking the things I tried to hide from are resurfacing a bit like alcoholics.

    All I will say is if you stick at this and maybe while your giving up aswell as support from people on this site maybe have the support of a counsellor too but once you do this the others side is a much better place, You have faced one of your biggest fears and also faced the things you may not want to face. You will be amazed at yourself and how you got there.

    Takes a big person to be honest and can see you want to give up :)

    Can I suggest a book feel the fear and do it anyway susan Jeffers

    I wish you all the luck xx

  • Big hugs to you all, I'm so grateful to have your support!

    Thanks for the offer of the books Kat, I have each of the already and read them all but I think I really need to READ them, think previously I just rushed through them hoping I would have a lightbulb moment and I would never want to smoke again! I think I'm finally getting it that that will NEVER happen, there's no magic switch!

    Hayley I also have feel the fear, haven't read it in a while so maybe a re-read is required!

  • Woah WTF, I hate to be rude but how on earth do you "smoke naturally" and how can you advise anyone to go CT when you've never flaming managed it yourself. Also, have you ever heard of methadone? It's the heroin addict's NRT and it had been known to do the trick every now and again. Nikki, you would love to be a non-smoker but aren't yet ready, or willing, to go through the tough stuff, so in the meantime you lap up the sympathy of the unbelievably good natured souls on here who want to believe you mean it "this time" . By all means, keep up the serial quitter cycle yourself but don't encourage others to do something that you're not capable of yourself :mad:

    LOL! you clearly have no idea yourself hunny, I have two relatives on the methadone programme and its a 'lovely' treatment the government hands out to people BUT most heroin addicts find the hardest part of going clean is actually comming of the methodone! which has its own set of withdrawal problems and is longer than the withdrawal of heroin. which is why no clinic will take them until they are down to atleast 20mls a day so maybe you should should check your facts before flying them about hmm?

    and listen, dont go there i done well on champix too last year I did 3 n half months, i see you have nearly done 3 on your current quit (dont know about your past) but due to havin severe melt down on them i stopped them and went back to the fags. So maybe if I was just like you again and decided to take champix again i would be quit still because they do work, are you taking champix because you found it hard alone maybe????? Im thinking yes and i can tell you its 50% easier to quit on champix than any other mehod as they programme your brain to be a non smoker, thats the flipping point. so maybe before you judge me and my advise you should check your flipping facts.

    Ive got nothing against champix its a wonder drug, but i find it laughable someone whos quit on the biggest cruth out there is judging me for failing on other methods lol sorry but you mate = plank.

  • ...8 months in, I can look back and confirm that it is hard, it does get easier and you will feel better.

    I can also say that the easiest part was that I was doing what I knew deep down I wanted to do. It wasn't because I didn't want to smell, or to save money, or to not have to stand in the rain. I simply did not want to smoke anymore.

    It wasn't because I felt I should, that society told me I should, that family said I should, or wished I would. Or because the doctor said I was killing myself. It really was simply that I didn't want to and I knew that I didn't want to, there was no doubt, the forward path was clear all I had to do was deal with the potholes in the road. Champix helped me a lot with that part, but there are many ways you can smooth your route, but without a clear defined certainty anyone will always struggle...

    I like this lots.

    It always sounds a bit aloof to advise others that you can't quit for your health or to save money or to smell better or to have better skin or to like longer etc etc if you still want to smoke. but that's the bottom line.

    There comes a point, that light-bulb moment, when surrounded by smokers, working in a fag factory and getting free fags, that there is no temptation. There's no fight to resist the tobacco there's just no desire to use the tobacco.

    In Teflon's case the Champix smoothed the way. Some find it's NRT, others, ahem, midget gems, the point being that without the desire not to smoke there's no 'product' available that's going to do it.

    Understanding why we smoke is the first step in quitting.

  • LOL! you clearly have no idea yourself hunny, I have two relatives on the methadone programme and its a 'lovely' treatment the government hands out to people BUT most heroin addicts find the hardest part of going clean is actually comming of the methodone! which has its own set of withdrawal problems and is longer than the withdrawal of heroin. which is why no clinic will take them until they are down to atleast 20mls a day so maybe you should should check your facts before flying them about hmm?

    and listen, dont go there i done well on champix too last year I did 3 n half months, i see you have nearly done 3 on your current quit (dont know about your past) but due to havin severe melt down on them i stopped them and went back to the fags. So maybe if I was just like you again and decided to take champix again i would be quit still because they do work, are you taking champix because you found it hard alone maybe????? Im thinking yes and i can tell you its 50% easier to quit on champix than any other mehod as they programme your brain to be a non smoker, thats the flipping point. so maybe before you judge me and my advise you should check your flipping facts.

    Ive got nothing against champix its a wonder drug, but i find it laughable someone whos quit on the biggest cruth out there is judging me for failing on other methods lol sorry but you mate = plank.

    Yeah, you're right, I'm a plank for actually believing in myself, I do not want to smoke. I have not taken Champix for two weeks, before that I was on half a dose due to nausea and dizziness. You may have had a wonderful three and a half months on them before your melt down but it hasn't all been plain sailing and I admit that I probably wouldn't have done as well without them, I too could and did use every excuse under the sun to keep smoking. I am not actually judging you on you quitting ability but on your advising someone to "smoke naturally"???? and then to go cold turkey when you can't. I may be a plank and using the biggest crutch out there but if I manage to stay smoke free does that make my quit less worthwhile than your 20 month (so far) epic struggle?

  • Don't beat yourself up over this. Been there many times :mad: The only advice that I can give is to take it slowly, I go for getting thru each craving, not the hours, days, etc.

    I also am using a vapour e-cigg, as well as patches, sounds daft, but I find that when its a bad craving I have a few puffs, and I feel refreshed.:eek: :D Hope you start your quit again, just remember its not a race to the end, just keep aiming for the end :)

  • Yeah, you're right, I'm a plank for actually believing in myself, I do not want to smoke. I have not taken Champix for two weeks, before that I was on half a dose due to nausea and dizziness. You may have had a wonderful three and a half months on them before your melt down but it hasn't all been plain sailing and I admit that I probably wouldn't have done as well without them, I too could and did use every excuse under the sun to keep smoking. I am not actually judging you on you quitting ability but on your advising someone to "smoke naturally"???? and then to go cold turkey when you can't. I may be a plank and using the biggest crutch out there but if I manage to stay smoke free does that make my quit less worthwhile than your 20 month (so far) epic struggle?

    omg is just gets worse doesnt it. i failed the champix quit in september last year so 12/13 months ago so please stop tossing around information because it just makes you sound desperate in your attempt to justify being an arsehole. You have also missed the point, I am not saying your quit is less worth while, I am saying that maybe you should have an understanding of how HARD it is to quit espeacially as you have turned to Champix for good reason, lets face it no one takes psychoactive drugs unless its the worse of two evils and they have exhaused other options. I havent got that option, so doesnt really put us on a level playing field does it.

    'Smoking naturally' i assume you think I mean its natural to smoke. Again NO. I mean without thinking about quiting for now, how she would smoke....naturally? eg in her normal habbitat with her normal routine, would you like it in a verb? 'to act naturally' jeez. To remind ones self of how one doesnt like to smoke? one may call it aversion therapy...not unheard of way to treat addiction :rolleyes:

    Jeez. I wont reply to you again not worth wasting a brain cell on.

  • omg is just gets worse doesnt it. i failed the champix quit in september last year so 12/13 months ago so please stop tossing around information because it just makes you sound desperate in your attempt to justify being an arsehole. You have also missed the point, I am not saying your quit is less worth while, I am saying that maybe you should have an understanding of how HARD it is to quit espeacially as you have turned to Champix for good reason, lets face it no one takes psychoactive drugs unless its the worse of two evils and they have exhaused other options. I havent got that option, so doesnt really put us on a level playing field does it.

    'Smoking naturally' i assume you think I mean its natural to smoke. Again NO. I mean without thinking about quiting for now, how she would smoke....naturally? eg in her normal habbitat with her normal routine, would you like it in a verb? 'to act naturally' jeez. To remind ones self of how one doesnt like to smoke? one may call it aversion therapy...not unheard of way to treat addiction :rolleyes:

    Jeez. I wont reply to you again not worth wasting a brain cell on.

    Cool, save the brain cell for another day. At the risk of compounding my arsehole status, I took the 20 months from your join date of Jan 2012 - shown at the top of every post, apologies if that is incorrect.

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