Hey, so on the smoking side im doing well, still no smokes since my lapse, not RElapse :D, but lapse :eek:, so 9 weeks since i was addicated to smoking! very happy about that but more to the point...
So i did post about feeling depressed a few weeks ago i think (memory is terriable at the moment) but let me just say ive been to hell and back this weekend and i blame champix.
It started about 6 weeks ago actualy, before bed once the light was turned off i found myself just thinking about death, not scuicide, but the fact it will one day happen, i would go 'eh shut up' then go sleep. It got more and more frequent to every night, and it become noticeable to me. anyways, i really thought i was getting depressed maybe. so one night, getting annoyed and concerned now! i realised oh shit! this started when i started champix. my smoking nurse adviced me if i get any dodgy thoughts stop immediately. so i did, and well it got alot worse!
litterally the last 4 days all i done was think about dying, 24/7, obsessionally! looking it up online all sorts, crying, panicking, getting nothing done. been on the phone to nhs direct (still not smoked btw), crying to my mum about my dads death (which i think is where that seed has come from) but the scary thing is, there was times in the last few days i felt so bad i did think dying would be a better solution (not like me at all) although i quickly told myself to shut up and reminded myself it was the pills not me.
so anyways, may be the champix, may not be, who knows. all i know is im never taking a drug for the brain again! not worth it!