so dissapointed in myself

Hi all

I just had a fag and I can't believe I did that I don't know why I did it, I was so far in my quit on Christmas day it was 2 calendar months. Why did I do it what is wrong with me. I am sorry for carrying on like this but I can't explain why and or how bad I feel for doing it.

Now I need to start over but do I start over from day 1 right now or from tomorrow or do I just carry on from where I was and is it ok to just pretend that it never happened. Please help me for I feel like I am losing it and please be honest with me in what and how I must do this

Thank you all for everything

Carla

44 Replies

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  • Carla

    You have done extremely well to get past the 2 month goalpost and you will have the worst of the struggle over so don't give up on us now.

    The initial enthusiasm for the quit will have wained and a slightly different mentality is needed and you have had a little slip, that's all. We all have these different phases to go through.

    Don't dwell too much on the smoke that you have had, put your energies into getting back to NOT smoking, if you can, and as soon as you can. Your body is free of nicotine now (apart from the 1 cig.) so it should be much easier than your initial quit.

    Don't worry about where you fit in as regards days quit, that can be sorted later. :)

    My very best wishes to you.. :D

    TO Karri:-----

    Aaaaagggghhhh........ :mad:

    If you don't have anything positive to say then silence would be better. This is not your first time to hit someone when they are down, it's not nice to see.

    Aaaaagggghhhh........ :mad:

  • Simmer down folks :)

    Carla, it's a pity you had a cigarette. However, if that's the only one you have then pick yourself up and carry on, move into the new year smoke free, that's all that matters.

    The danger in the 'that's it I've failed' point of view (although I do understand Karri's feelings) is that you just think 'f*** it', throw in the towel after one cigarette and carry on smoking like a chimney. Whereas you could learn and move on from it, after two months of successful quit, if you were determined to.

    What 'room' you post in is neither here nor there. What really matters is that you do your best to understand what's happened and why, realise that it's a mental battle you're fighting, learn from how miserable it made you feel and dont do it again.

    If you have a cigarette tomorrow, then you're a smoker again. If today was the end of it, it was a blip. That's how I'd look at it.

    I really hope you decide to make 2012 the Year of the Pink Lungs.

    H x

  • Keep Calm and Carry On

    This was one cigarette in two months. If that is the sum of your lapse, then it doesn't in any way undo the good you have done other than to upset you...

    As Helen says, learn from it and move on.

    I have often said on here that if I were in this position, I would find it too disheartening to go back to day one. I would not feel like a day one quitter, either physically or mentally.

    I have always found it strange how worked up we can get about this issue, and it worries me that sometimes, we can end up pushing people from asking for support, which is surely the whole point of this forum. Ultimately, this is your quit, and it is for you to decide what "room" you belong in, but don't lose sight of the fact that these are just virtual rooms. What really matters is that you don't smoke.

    Happy new year, Carla. Hold on to your quit and cherish it. This is the best thing that you can do for yourself. xxx

  • I agree with Mrs T and Helen - if you're confident that you won't smoke again, then to go back to Day 1 would be horrendously disheartening ...

    Don't beat yourself up too much - just use the experience to strengthen your resolve. Increased determination can only help your quit - which is what it's all about at the end of the day.

    Sue x

  • Personally although I would feel mad at myself I dont think i would consider my quit to be over if I had just 1 cigarette. Put it behind you and keep going:)

    agreed i think if you consider your quit over with just one cigarette then it just gives you the perfect excuse to carry on smoking if you can learn from this and get straight back on the wagon again and not slip again then it can make your quit stronger because you now know how easy it is to fall in the trap so u will be more wary now

  • Carla I would treat it as a blip 1 cig in 2 months is not a fail, now if you had carried on smoking that would be a different matter, but you haven't.

    When people give in and keep on smoking, to me that is a failure.

    I wish you well it truly does get easier, stick with it, I did and no regrets, oh yes there is one, wish I done it sooner!

    Maria. x

  • Thank you all

    First things first. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY may it be a blessed and happy year for all.

    Thank you all for the nice and positive posts. I truelly feel like a dog for having that one fag, but lesson learned. I will NOT do that again believe me the taste etc was awfull. :eek:

    I think i will count my quit on both days the original quit and then my slip-up quit. (That way i can chase myself LOL and no one will be upset with me).;)

    So far for my 1st day of my slip-up quit it went really well, just wondering if i will go through all the withdrawl symtoms again just not as hectic as it was the first time LOL.:)

    I also think that this is going to be a great year for being a non smoker so either way i will not smoke again, i will not make that mistake again:D

    Thanks again for everything

    C

  • hi carla i also fell for the new years eve trap and smoked 5 cigarettes last night:mad:

    Silly really did not enjoy them, it seemed more like i used them as a social prop just to go outside to join the secret smokers club lol

    Lee x

  • Ace_Wisdom and una-g

    Thank you for the post. I know how you feel Lee its that feeling of how could you betray yourself like that, what was i thinking and why the hell did i give in to that stupid fag all it did was make me smell like i just got out of a burning bush fire and left this horrible taste in my mouth. Lee are you also just going to continue or are you starting over?

    Well like i said i will not be doing that again and i do not want to feel so low in my life again. I still cant believe i was so stupid, but ja like they say i will pick myself up and dust off the dust and keep my chin up and walk forward one day at a time.

  • Im mad at myself a little but i know its no good being to hard on myself, main thing is that im not going to continue smoking.

    Think i will do the same as you i shall have 2 quit dates

  • LOL think we just started something.

  • Awww Done and Ace wisdom sorry to hear you smoked a fag/fags yesterday...what a bummer. I too was very tempted last night, I was at a party, had a few beers and my sister and her husband were both smoking and I could smell cigarettes. Why is it they smell so sweet after a few drinks??? Anyway if my mom and dad and husband hadn't have been there (as in it was a party with friends rather than family) I probably would've had a cigarette. Don't beat yourself up too much, lots of people fall for this little nicotine trap and I was teetering on the edge of the trap myself!!!! Argh...the important thing is that you've both got straight back into your quits. If you'd have sat their for a day/few days chuffing away I'd have said restart from Day 1. As you've both only had one or a few cigarettes then I'd say you're entitled to keep your original quit date if you want. It's totally upto you and how you feel about it.

    My uncle only smokes one cigar on New Years Eve.....by some peoples reckoning on this forum he's smoked for 40 years lol! But of course he's a non-smoker...the key is that he's not an addict, he's obviously one of the rare, lucky ones who can take or leave it. Anyways WE are addicts or we wouldn't be on this forum so well done on quitting again so quickly. It would have been easy to say bugger it I may as well carry on smoking. Good luck with your quits you two.

    Lisa XXX

  • Carla

    I'm sending you a cyber hug. I do understand how you feel as I have been there myself and yes it does feel like the end of the world. Believe me it isn't! you've been quit for so long and you had a cig. But you've chosen not to have another one and another one after that. You've chosen to stay quit. What has happened is that you have realised how important your quit is and if anything your resolve has been strengthened.

    As for where you fit in, well I think that is up to you and only you can decide. I think we all know the difference between making a mistake and having a cigarette and going back to the smoking addiction and all that entails. Sometimes it isn't apparent straightaway. When you've another few weeks under your belt it may be easier to see it as a blip than right now when you (may be) worried you'll be tempted to start again.

    Be proud of what you've achieved and don't let smokers judge you or belittle your quit journey.

    This is a forum for people who have QUIT SMOKING to offer SUPPORT, ADVICE and ENCOURAGEMENT to other QUITTERS.

    It is no place for smokers to pass judgement or criticise people who are trying to beat their addiction.

  • Awww Karri, of course everyone is entitled to their opinion. I don't think people had a problem with your opinion or advice however. I think it was the;

    "Smoking is smoking and it doesn't matter whether you are 2 days or 2 months in. There seems to be a tendency on the forum of late for it to be ok and just carry on." (Sorry I can't do that quote thingy).

    It kinda suggests that the people on this very forum shouldn't have the opinion that smoking a cigarette and going back on the wagon can be viewed as a blip. That the forum should have the view that a person should go back to Day 1.

    The people on this forum are the forum so therefore their opinion is equally as valid as yours.

    Well anyway that was my take on it...can't speak for the others.

    Lisa x

  • No probs... Unfortunately, like you say, when you just read the written word there is no intonation and body language/facial expressions to go off. So people can often take offence when none was meant....I just upset someone unintentionally on facebook due to this.

    Everyone knows your heart is in the right place, you've been tremendous help and encouraged loads of people on this site.

    Lisa x

  • Totally agree with Karri - People cannot just smoke a cigarette after being quit for 2 days or 6 months and then say "oh well it was just a blip, I'll carry on with my quit"

    That attitiude is simply giving out the message to other people that if they decide to have a cheeky cigarette then thats ok, surely that is just backward thinking.

    If you smoke you should go back to day 1 - Pure and simple, ths forum should be people telling it how it is not sugar coating it by wrapping people in cotton wool.

  • Oh dear

    :(

    Oh dear, not sure that I agree with you Francob or Karri and have no wish to add fuel to this already very emotive fire......

    But......surely we are all human in nature and as such make mistakes, agree if one blip turned into a blip every weekend/few weeks/months then agree, that person is not quit.

    I actually think we should be encouraging those who have the honesty to say they have had a blip and get them back on the wagon, irrespective in anyone else's mind where they sit on this forum?

    Don't think for a minute anyone has sugar coated anything on this forum, giving up smoking is tough, life changing and at times sh*te, but we're all here for a reason and that is the one common goal we have.

    Positive thinking to everyone out there :D

  • Its very black and white - you either smoke or you don't, if you do then back to day 1 in my opinion.

  • Isn't that a syndrome? And of course you are entitled to your opinion :)

  • Interesting to see how your mind works, so basically if you have a cigarette then you will not consider yourself as failing and would continue with your existing quit. Each to their own I suppose.

    I personally would be more honest with myself and admit that I had failed on that partiuclar occasion and announce myself back in the day 1 room.

  • Always interesting

    Thanks for the insight into how your mind works too Francob....most enlightening :D

  • Hey Done first id like to say how sorry i am to hear about your blip ,smoke whatever yo call it , if i was you i would get back onto your quit asap and move on from your bad feelings of disappointment, how does trhat old song go, pick yourself up dust yourself down and start all over again everything else will fall into place then choose a room with a view.

    Mash x

  • I don’t think there is one person on here who can decide for someone else whether they should stay on the same quit or whether they should go back to day one, we can only voice our opinions and so long as we don’t try too be too judgemental it is then up to the individual to make the choice as I said on Pfabers post, do what you think is the best thing for you to do, not too follow what others believe is there right way unless it’s your right way as well..

  • I totally agree Karri, and don't worry I will give you the support you require, unfortunately this forum is full of weak minded people who make excuses for others, most probably because people who have had long quits have actually smoked during this time but have not been honest to other members.

    Perhaps I will look into Why Quit website as it sounds like it has rules that are aimed at helping people not offering fluffy, cuddly comments that help nobody.

  • Hi Karri

    You have exactly hit the nail on the head:

    I am entitled to a view of how I think my quit should be.

    Each person's quit and journey is their's as an individual and as long as you don't smoke any support whichever way it comes has got to be a positive :D

  • Hi Karri

    You have exactly hit the nail on the head:

    I am entitled to a view of how I think my quit should be.

    Each person's quit and journey is their's as an individual and as long as you don't smoke any support whichever way it comes has got to be a positive :D

    So Sara - A question for you.

    If you smoked say 5 cigarettes today, would you consider yourself as having a failed attempt and put yourself back to Day 1 or just simply class it as a one off blip and continue where you left off?

  • Do be honest Francob, I don't intend to smoke 5 fags a day, hopefully never ever again will I have to go through the hell of the last 52 days.

    I could not say where I would put myself unless I am in that situation, life experiences have taught me not to judge or to put myself in someone else's shoes without their experience.

    All I am saying here, is that support is the key, in all honesty I find your comments unhelpful, antagonistic and self righteous, hey ho, maybe this forum isn't for me either :D

  • i think if someone blips once and learns from it and never smokes again then they may have a stronger quit and should stay on original quit.

    but if someone has to go back to day one they could be so dis- heartened that they will abandon the quit and not return to a quit for months or even years

    so do we think this forum is about judging people and telling them what to do and where they should be

    i came to this forum when i was 9 days quit and i had looked at an awful lot of forums believe me but here was somehow different the support was amazing, people need support and understanding not extra stress to drive them into the arms of the nicodemon

    boo

  • Do be honest Francob, I don't intend to smoke 5 fags a day, hopefully never ever again will I have to go through the hell of the last 52 days.

    I could not say where I would put myself unless I am in that situation, life experiences have taught me not to judge or to put myself in someone else's shoes without their experience.

    All I am saying here, is that support is the key, in all honesty I find your comments unhelpful, antagonistic and self righteous, hey ho, maybe this forum isn't for me either :D

    LOL, you sound like my girlfriend - funny you have the same name.

  • Here is the address for the why quit website if anyone wants a look, I joined at the beginning of my quit and I am still a member, which site helped me stay quit, this one whyquit.com/ or our very own NSD site, no comparison it was this one, if the other one is that great how come the membership is so much lower than this forum, and if anyone thinks it’s so great why aren’t they members there instead of being members here???

    The rules and guidelines are strict so anyone thinking that a slip is not allowed then that site is for them as there is no pussy footing around, one cig and you are out.

    There it is again, that word choice, it’s all down to having a site where choice is an option, if you want the option stay here if you dont then its a fondfarewell from those who do.

  • Cool, thanks - I shall check it out.

  • Karri I give you credit for having inteligence and for not trying to put words that are not there onto my posts, no what I am saying is that here you are given support when you have a slip, which you should know about and there the boot would be the only option.

    I think that booting someone when they are down does not encourage a strong quit, having to rejoin every time you manage a week or two would be so demoralising wouldnt it, i was lucky I didnt have one but if I had I would not have rejoined that site, and yes I was honest all through my quit I never so much as held a cig let alone smoked one, and I was also lucky enough to have been able to do it CT

  • It kinda makes me laugh when people are talking about blips about smoking....at least people are being honest and saying they have had a fag. I'm sure some members of the whyquit forum have smoked but not admitted to it. It's all down to the honesty of the members...and I bet a dollar that people aren't always honest.

    If I had smoked a fag/had a drag on one etc, I myself would go back to day 1 as I feel I would be cheating myself....however I can recognise that not everyone has the same thought processes as myself. Some people find it truly demoralising to get so far and end up back at day 1 by simply having one drag on a fag. I would rather that person treat it as a blip and stay smoke-free than become so demoralised and go back to smoking 20 a day.

    Yes it probably does piss people off that there are people in the penthouse that have had a fag or two on the way...but come on folks that's life. This is your own quit if you are comfortable with saying you've reached the penthouse even though you've had the odd one or two then who are we to judge? Personally, I don't give a monkeys armpit...when I say I've reached the penthouse....by my own rules of my own quit then I have done it!

    Lisa x

  • Thanks Karri, some of my comments were also said tongue in cheek and thanks for the vote of confidence, 2 years is great as my first quit only lasted 11 months and trust me that was for me as hard as it gets.

    I agree with you there Lisa there are probably quite a few on the why quit site who have erm blipped but not been honest, but whats the point in that as you are only cheating yourself no one else.

    I think whatever you see as being ok for you is fine, no one is in your head so you are the only one you have to answer too.

  • ha ha ha....I agree Jamangie. You said what I wanted to say in a few lines lol!

  • I think I have my chatty head on tonight as I am trying to keep my hands occupied as I am feeling not so strong with my quit today.

    Hee Hee the quit being food LOL this diet is only one day old and is killing me as I want to eat my choccys I got for my Birthday yesterday, a 2lb box of Cadburys and a 1 lb box of them lovely foreign ones , how cruel can people be.

    Sorry Done for mucking up your thread xxx

  • Ha ha Done, I don't think you thought that cig you smoked would be so controversial!!! Well, I for one hope you are feeling better again and that you are carrying on OK.

    Well you have had "opinions" galore. I hope you have gathered from this that there is no better judge than yourself...it is your quit, your call, your health, your life.

    A lot of forums (such as Why Quit) have very firm rules on whether you are allowed to slip up and continue with quit or if you have to go back to square 1 and I even believe that Why Quit bans you from being a member for life... you have one chance only. If you fail you are sentenced to smoking forever!!!!

    Frankly, I think its a bit silly. We're not playing snakes and ladders. We are quitting smoking to lead better, healthier lives. Its not a game, its real life. Its better to slip up once or even twice and carry on a quit than to be dismissed as a failure surely

    To those who disagree with this (sorry Carla, hijacked your thread):

    Its ok to have the opinion that a cigarette smoked means go back to posting in the day one slot. I don't necessarily agree but don't have a problem with anyone saying this in good faith. I do have a problem with demoralising people who are already demoralised. AND I would like to reiterate it is real life, you do not know the issues these quitters are facing; some may be facing serious, maybe life threatening illness. Who cares if they sneaked the odd cig, its really irrelevant.

    Francob

    Why you are even on this forum? You say you found quitting easy so you don't need support. You certainly aren't giving anyone else any support; the reverse is the case. You seem to go out of your way to try and annoy, belittle others and cause controversy on the forum. With your saved money surely you afford to go out and banter with "real life" people now.

  • Wow

    Hi all

    Thanks for all the posts and Happy New Year to all hope its going to be great.

    I honestly did not think my confession would get everyone so "worked up". LOL Everyone's opinions have been noted and to be honest i hear what you are saying and in some i agree and in others i dont. The reason i asked "where do i fit in" was because at that stage i felt like such a dissipointment and failure that i could hardly look at myself.

    If i think about it carefully i have to start over day 1 (day 4 now) cause its not fair to those whom have not had 1 ciggie etc, on the other hand i felt like i just needed someone to tell me that its ok you made a mistake dont do it again, I feel like starting over makes me nervous and i dont feel so upbeat about it. I dont know if any of this is making any sense to you.

    I had 1 cig and that was it i didnt try it again after that and will not do something that stupid again but ja here i am and i will be here till i feel like i have beaten this nicotine addiction. Sorry if i got any of you upset and or angry that was not the idea, please dont "fight" with each other over this

    I have started over, at day 4 now but i will not forget where i was (feels like i lost a part of me).

    Hope you all have a great day

    C;)

  • Una-g

    Thank you so very much i need a friend right now. Feel little scared and not so motivated to do this again but will do it cause i can and will and want to do this.

  • Awww Done, you silly bugger. You've been doing great (well awesome really), don't let one ciggie ruin all this determination. Look do you want any of the shitty things associated with smoking......NO! So keep on trucking my friend. And we'll do it. I'm so proud of you for being able to have one fag and get back to quitting, that takes a lot of motivation and determination in itself.

    Lisa x

  • Lisa

    Thank you Lisa and thanks for the kind words. I just feel off cause i feel like i have been left behind ( thanks to my stupidity) i can see all of u way infront and now i have to run to catch up or i will not see u again. LOL It just sucks having to do it over again its counter productive and i hate doing things twice LOL.

    I can tell you this ... i will not have a ciggie again LOL.

    :D

  • Done, all I can do is reiterate what Lisa has said, it takes more determination I think to get straight back onto the quit wagon, so much easier to say oh sod it, I'll carry on smoking and give up again another time.

    Well done you, massive support coming your way

    :D

  • Hi Done, I am sorry that you feel you need to go back to day one after smoking just one cig, I had four chocs last night does that mean my diet is forfeited and I need to put the 5 lb back on I lost so I can start the diet again, No bloody way, it is your choice and we will stick by you no matter which direction you go in, nopw if you had brought a packet and smoked them all over a couple of days I would maybe have seen it a different way but one is like a lesson learnt, as for the person who PMd me, hand on heart I have not smoked, and if I had then I would admit it.

    Have fun all and you havent upset any one who has a brain Done xx

  • A blip is a blip, no big deal..... after a few years smoke free, it doesn't matter if you had a blip or not cause it won't matter. A blip can be a very powerful reinforcer for some..... I had a fag in my second week.... while smoking it I saw myself as the addict I really was and I was mad at myself, mad enough to keep going with my quit, mad enough to want to get free. The danger with blips is of course that one can turn into many and well then your quit is gone. As long as you keep going, Done, you have your quit..... it's not about the days/weeks you accumulate, it's learning that you don't have to smoke, it's realizing that life is way, way better smoke free. That's really the point of it all anyways. Well done, Done ;)

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