I'm into Day Ugh - make that Day 23 & the entire last week has been miserable. Either I've felt emotionally flat - despairing of ever feeling anything positive again or my emotions have been all over the place. I'm cranky & exhausted from the sheer effort of... Not Smoking. I'm sick to death of working so hard on the effort of Not Smoking.
It's winter, days are short & dull anyway & right now, all I can see is an endless string of days where I do nothing but what I have to & focus on... Not Smoking. A few things are keeping me going... the main one right now is stubborness & that's come perilously close to failing more than once. I keep telling myself I don't need to go & buy cigarettes right now; it can wait. The other thing that keeps me going is knowing it HAS to get better. I've read plenty from people here who quit months ago & in some cases, more than a year. I KNOW people who quit years ago & they've all told me this current feeling of hopelessness, of dull despair, passes. It passes, the constant urge to smoke or being consumed by thoughts of smoking fades & that leaves room for more pleasant thoughts.
I hope so because this is NOT fun & even the growing list of physical positives is being drowned in emotional negatives. I don't know if it's the holidays or what. The ridiculous thing is that I know smoking right now would be horrible - I can't imagine chowing down on the contents of an ashtray but that's exactly what it would feel like.
It's as though I'm missing something that doesn't exist... does that make sense?
The option of hibernating until late April or early May sounds delightful at this point.