Holidays Don't Help, Do They?

I'm into Day Ugh - make that Day 23 & the entire last week has been miserable. Either I've felt emotionally flat - despairing of ever feeling anything positive again or my emotions have been all over the place. I'm cranky & exhausted from the sheer effort of... Not Smoking. I'm sick to death of working so hard on the effort of Not Smoking.

It's winter, days are short & dull anyway & right now, all I can see is an endless string of days where I do nothing but what I have to & focus on... Not Smoking. A few things are keeping me going... the main one right now is stubborness & that's come perilously close to failing more than once. I keep telling myself I don't need to go & buy cigarettes right now; it can wait. The other thing that keeps me going is knowing it HAS to get better. I've read plenty from people here who quit months ago & in some cases, more than a year. I KNOW people who quit years ago & they've all told me this current feeling of hopelessness, of dull despair, passes. It passes, the constant urge to smoke or being consumed by thoughts of smoking fades & that leaves room for more pleasant thoughts.

I hope so because this is NOT fun & even the growing list of physical positives is being drowned in emotional negatives. I don't know if it's the holidays or what. The ridiculous thing is that I know smoking right now would be horrible - I can't imagine chowing down on the contents of an ashtray but that's exactly what it would feel like.

It's as though I'm missing something that doesn't exist... does that make sense?

The option of hibernating until late April or early May sounds delightful at this point.

5 Replies

  • hang in there

    hang in there as it will get easier. you'll have good days and bad but as time passes it will get much easier. I've been quit for a little over three months now and things are looking up. good luck

  • Don't worry Sue - it will get better, I promise.

    I don't believe long term ex smokers who claim to still suffer - I think they have forgotten just what those early days and weeks were like.

    It is normal to be preoccupied with your quit at this stage - stopping smoking is a big deal and a complex set of habits and associations to break.

    Just hang on in there, and at some stage, things will start to feel a bit lighter and brighter. :)

  • Yep - makes perfect sense to me. I spend most of my time thinking a part of me is sort of missing, and trying to adjust to living without it. Some days the adjustment process works pretty well and I find myself thinking ooooh I haven't thought about a cigarette for, say, half an hour! What I THEN want is a cigarette to celebrate .....

    It's exhausting having to constantly fill the 'hole' in my life with other things... but we're doing it, it WILL get better, so it's just a case of one day at a time. And I try to remember that I had good and bad days, even as a smoker ..


  • I really feel for you as yes I have felt and thought all those things too. You've been told the feelings will pass and I can only reiterate that they will pass and you'll feel BETTER than you did as a smoker because in reality it is smokers who are the ones who constantly think about smoking - oh have I got enough cigs to last, when will I need to buy some more, well I better get some now because might not get the chance later, oh and that will mean going to the cash point as well, oh won't be able to smoke during the training course, will I be allright, wonder when the breaks are, will I have enough time to get out for one ...sound familliar? This constant smokers chatter will soon be gone forever!!!

    Just take it easy right now - its inevitable you'll think a lot about your quit right now and yes actively not smoking is exhausting. Come on the forum and moan, read stuff that will help you understand the addiction and or inspire you and spoil yourself as much as you can :)

  • this current feeling of hopelessness, of dull despair, passes. It passes, the constant urge to smoke or being consumed by thoughts of smoking fades & that leaves room for more pleasant thoughts.

    Couldn't have put it better myself. Absolutely true. Hang in there Sue, you can fight through this!

    Hope you're feeling happier today.

    Helen x

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