I'm at 9 months-ish now but it's not getting any damn easier. Well maybe a litte, I have good days now but and some bad days aren't non-stop thinking about smoking. I had a while where the urge was gone but now it's doing my head in. Some days I see people smoking and I'm so jealous.
I was really considering stealing a few fags from my flatmate the other day and I'm not the sort who does that sort of thing- I leave his stuff alone. But I tried to rationalize it like maybe I'll just take them, have a few, not like it and put myself off again. Like that's going to happen!
I quit because I was having surgery and smoking is bad for healing. I'm all healed now. I love a pint and a fag on a summer evening. I like having a smoke while I'm at work. I want to start again so so so so so much! I'm really cracking up. I'm trying to hold onto the thought that now I've had my surgery I want to be fit and healthy. I like running faster and being able to do stairs easier but I'm not sure if that's because I've had surgery now and I'm able to exercise so not to do with smoking per se. That really undermines my motivation.
I'm 20, I can't be smoking on and off for most of my life. Then I try to rationalize that with well I otherwise look after myself, it's not like any of my blood relatives have ever had cancer, we all need our vices. Then I think I have a year of uni left so maybe I can just smoke for that.
I want to make a deal with myself that I'll start again but limit it. I thought it'd be easier by now. Quitting barely feels worth the effort after so long of putting up with it.
Really, what do I do? What do you do when the determination/motivation is running try? Does the urge ever really go away?
Sorry for the rant- I half just need to vent somewhere