I'm at six month, I'm a proper non smoker. I don't smoke. I haven't bought any fags. I don't really crave fags anymore. But I've had a couple of slips, and there nearly all because a work colleague who i always used to pop out and smoke with offered them to me. I used to meet her in the morning and we'd have a cig and coffee, and she keeps offering me them.First was when i walked out of my job....It just kind of felt like something to do after you find yourself unemployed and hav etold your idiot boss to feck off.
Second , a few weeks later on holiday. I was drunk and on holiday (two dangerous times for me) and a girl walked past and said "Does anyone want a cigarette? I am trying to get rid of them...."
Well, ummm, that was no. 2.
Now, this past week i've been doing some nights, i'm still working at the idiot place, awaiting results of ridiculous disciplinary, have hacked into mgr emails, seeing they fully intend to give me another disciplinary about untidy hair...god, and have been covering loads of shifts,including a double one that i had no choice but to do, why? because i must just be a sucker, and because i keep going back for more....At this point i can't really kid myself that the writng is not on the wall and i am being managed out- for complaining about the corruption and bullying. Have stepped up jobsearch but nothing forthcoming atm, so wondering whether to stay until am dismissed and attempt a little saving....my cr8p job doesnt pay much, so i don't really have savings..if i could afford to walk out and stay walked out i would.
So as i'm doing nights, i see my cleaner friend again, and she has offered me cigs the past week or so.
i started by having one a while ago, then two a couple of days ago (because one made me want another-i always chainsmoked) , and the yesterday i had another two. I know this is ridiculous, what am i doing? I'm not smoking, i haven't bought ciggies, but somehow without being really aware of it, i've decided i can cope with one here and one there- and i know this is madness but i can't say no! I can see my own junkie head, but i still have done it.
I have to say, i don't really want to buy fags (that would seem odd) and i still consider myself 6 months quit, but i'm in danger of thinking i can be a social smoker....
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Should add that i KNOW this is sooo wrong, and i went through hell to get to this point, and it's easy now, no way do i want to this six months again.....I hardly think of them. So Why am i doing this?
JUDE WHAT ARE YOU THINKING????? You really wonder why you are doing this? Come on, Jude..... you've had a few, now your body wants more. You woke up the nicodemon and he wants to be fed..... the addiction is making you think you can't say no but you can say no..... you have been saying no for 6 months. You really want to lose your quit and all you've managed to achieve?
Damn, Jude.... seriously, you have a choice to make and you better make it very soon.... no more or you will find yourself chain smoking full time again sooner than you think...... no way will you manage as a social smoker and you know it.
You're gonna feel so bad if you make the wrong choice.... no more okay! Oh and avoid that cleaner friend of yours for a while........
Feks sake Jude...step away from the fly wee smokes. Before you know you shall be back smoking full time. You gotta wonder why the girl was trying to give her cigs away at the festival...because she wanted to stop smoking as they are poison as well as limiting her life and choices.
I've blipped...a few times and thought yeah I can be a social smoker, but no, you wake up like shit, those few beers feel so much more than just a few, you're clothes smell and your mouth is crap. Yeah, like I want that for the rest of my days.
But Jude, you worked so hard and in early times you blipped and tripped so often that it was painful seeing you do this to yourself. Then you actually stopped...and stayed stopped...for ages, through ups and downs. You didn't need cigs to help you through the good and the bad...because you knew they wouldn't. So how come you think they will help now? Sack the cigs and pay very close attention to yourself over the next month or two, avoid the triggers situations....well possibly some triggers can't be avoided. But you know what to do....say 'no' and a couple of minutes later you don't need them.
Stick with it for the long haul Jude. Oh and whilst I'm here, exercising with trampoline and your new bigger lady lumps....sack that too!
I know you are having a horrendous time at work and it sounds like its really battered your self esteem but come on, DO NOT LET THIS RUIN YOUR QUIT!!!
Why does this 'pal' keep offering you fags when she knows you have quit? Cos it makes her feel better about smoking when you have one. I have people like that around me. After both my blips the friend/cousin who gave me the fag looked smugly relieved. I also had one girl tell me that Its only natural to still 'need' to smoke when drunk. Its all about making them feel better. Don't let them win. Prove them wrong.
No more smokes. No matter how bad things get. It doesn't change anything. Makes no difference and doesn't make you feel better, just gives you another reason to feel bad. You deserve better.
Lecture over I promise. I really hope you get the job situation sorted, it sounds awful.
Jude you know its wrong anyway, no point really telling you it is.. you already know.
You really do have to consider the implications of this 'now n again' allowance you've been trying to convince yourself is ok though.
I can only offer you the wealth of my own experience from all my failed quits to tell you that having one smoke here or there doesn't work.. once you start making new rules of allowance your demon will gain that 'heh told you so stance' and you definitely don't want that.. these odd cigs are his glimmer of hope for getting you back, and my failed quits shown me that you cannot.. absolutely cannot fool your addiction.
heck one of my failed quits nosedived because i allowed myself a single smoke which i asked for off a relative that was helping me move house.. next thing i knew i'd managed to convince myself to slip out and buy a packet of 10 with of course the intention of only smoking 1 of them and keeping the other 9 for all the other rare occasions.
trouble was.. that packet of 10 was smoked over the next few days and beyond that was back up to my old habit and worse.
Simply put jude.. stop what you are doing, and grab your quit again. don't fall for the lies again, you know where that path leads.
I'm at six month, I'm a proper non smoker. I don't smoke. I haven't bought any fags. I don't really crave fags anymore. But I've had a couple of slips, and there nearly all because a work colleague who i always used to pop out and smoke with offered them to me. I used to meet her in the morning and we'd have a cig and coffee, and she keeps offering me them.First was when i walked out of my job....It just kind of felt like something to do after you find yourself unemployed and hav etold your idiot boss to feck off.
Second , a few weeks later on holiday. I was drunk and on holiday (two dangerous times for me) and a girl walked past and said "Does anyone want a cigarette? I am trying to get rid of them...."
Well, ummm, that was no. 2.
Now, this past week i've been doing some nights, i'm still working at the idiot place, awaiting results of ridiculous disciplinary, have hacked into mgr emails, seeing they fully intend to give me another disciplinary about untidy hair...god, and have been covering loads of shifts,including a double one that i had no choice but to do, why? because i must just be a sucker, and because i keep going back for more....At this point i can't really kid myself that the writng is not on the wall and i am being managed out- for complaining about the corruption and bullying. Have stepped up jobsearch but nothing forthcoming atm, so wondering whether to stay until am dismissed and attempt a little saving....my cr8p job doesnt pay much, so i don't really have savings..if i could afford to walk out and stay walked out i would.
So as i'm doing nights, i see my cleaner friend again, and she has offered me cigs the past week or so.
i started by having one a while ago, then two a couple of days ago (because one made me want another-i always chainsmoked) , and the yesterday i had another two. I know this is ridiculous, what am i doing? I'm not smoking, i haven't bought ciggies, but somehow without being really aware of it, i've decided i can cope with one here and one there- and i know this is madness but i can't say no! I can see my own junkie head, but i still have done it.
I have to say, i don't really want to buy fags (that would seem odd) and i still consider myself 6 months quit, but i'm in danger of thinking i can be a social smoker....
Hi Jude
Ok really sorry you are still having a crap time of everything and i truly hope it all turns arounds for the good for you i mean that , but Jude your scared of becoming a social smoker ?, sorry wtf is that ? there is no such thing as a social smoker only a smoker, doesn't matter how we all paint it quitting means quitting slips i can understand to a point having two three or four is not good and yes you are in danger of chain smoking again, you have had some great advice from people on here and they are right you have to avoid that so called friend of yours who keep offering you these fags. The last six months Jude you have been brilliant, positive supportive posting some great posts and generally getting through your quit whilst knee deep in sh1t at work, dont ruin it now Jude you are a very strong lady said it before i would have walked out months ago, hang in there Jude you know you dont want to smoke that is obvious, smoking or not smoking the crap job will still be there. Come on Jude finger out get yourself back on track with this quit sorry this wonderful 6 months quit you are in.
Hi Jude, before I make my comments I will say if you want me to remove it afterwards I will.
The Choices you have
1: Become a smoker again, this will be your choice, no one else can decide for you, you can come on here and say oops I have smoked again and every one will rally round saying, Oh no Jude don’t do this etc etc and you will go away and do exactly what you want to do i.e. smoke, as if to say I don’t care what you all post I will smoke any way.
2: Stay a none Smoker, realise that you have spent six months as a none smoker and have decided that you are going to say NO, not just to this person, as it could be any one offering you cigs or even you borrowing them, not buying cigarettes does not make you a none smoker, but it does make you into a word I will not use but you will know it any way, you need to say no to the nicotine and mean it.
We all face problems in life every day, and if we use these problems as our reasons to smoke then we may as well give up and smoke again, all of us are surrounded by problems every day of our lives and have to just get through them, I am sure you are stronger than you think you are, so hold your head up make the decision and stick to it, there are no half measures when you decide to quit smoking, yes or no are the only options.
There will be some on here that say I am too hard and should be more sympathetic to struggling quitters, I am I am also quitting and know how hard it is to stay smoke free but there are others dealing with some major problems and don’t mention it on the forum but stay smoke free regardless, so I want Jude to stay quit and sometimes tough love is to me the only way, so sorry if my post offends any one especially Jude but it’s how I feel.
we have done this before havent we ..a few fags here & there ...wot happened ........I became a full time smoker again & so did you ....Only you can stop yourself & you can.....good luck
Hi Jude .....ALL of my previous quits failed because I thought I could just have the odd one . Allow Nico demon back into your life and you will struggle , you DONT NEED em and you DONT WANT em :eek:
Can't really add anything new to what has already been said, but just wanted you to know that although a few of us don't post as often as we did, most of us are still here for you if and when needed.
Hey Jude....I kinda know what you are going through (workwise that is)....I
work for an idiot as well (we call him Admiral ****)....super micro-manager, but I didn't let him get to me...looking around elsewhere, and spoke to upper
management.
Anyways....yeah I'd ask your 'friend' to not offer any more if she could, I know misery loves company...but remember:
The fact that you've posted says it all. You don't want to go back to it. You know you can't be a social smoker. I can't add to any of the advice given here, just hold out another hand of friendship and support and say to you that its just not worth going back to and tormenting yourself with a puff here and one there will not make anything any better.
Oh.....I don't really know what i was thinking, am thinking, today.....I have self destruct button. I wait til things get easy, i "forget" how hard it was to get to six months,and how i always said if i got here it would be easy.... and then i feck it up again.
I did in effect , "get away" with the first one. It takes more than one. But If i never had the first one, i wouldn't be thinking i could get away with it again......Actually, did i "get away" or did i just think i did.
I noticed this morning-i was hideously disappointed cos my smoking buddy was not in today. It's my perfect excuse isn't it? I know i'll see her, i know she has cigarettes, and she's only too happy to give me one. I know this from previous struggles. I know who'll give me a ciggie if i ask them and who will tell me no.....
Myself and a guy who's given up will sit in the pub and sniff everyones rolling tobacco. ...disconcerting for the smokers i guess to have these two people sticking their noses into your baccy. Two of these people will say to me, Jude, do you want one? when i don't want one, i just want to smell it.....
thank you all x. You do have permission to tell me off, it's ok....... I understand that you don't want me to go back to smoking again. And neither do i.....:rolleyes:
Mixed emotions is so hard to deal with I know and at the mo you are the preverbial smoker who has stopped smoking but still desperately wants to smoke and doesnt know why.
Blade and I have just been having a similar discussion as to how we feel after quit and my answer was
Not sure really, wouldn’t say it’s great as it is now no longer the cigs being the mainstay in our lives its now the lack of them that’s become more important.
We are told that psychologically we shouldn’t have one main focus in our lives and yet the one we have got rid of has been replaced by something far stronger as far as I can see so how can that be healthy for us, not smoking has become an obsession for me.
I want more from life than that, maybe I have an obsessive nature and others don’t miss it the same way I do?
But you have proved to me that we all or most of us miss it the same, big time just that some can deal with it better and if we could bottle the will power we would be multi millionaires, just keep telling yourself why you quit in the first place and you will get through.
Jams, i felt that too, but i am being very stupid, because i did reach a point of hardly thinking of them.Yes, ocasionally i would, but it was handlable. That is where i always wanted to be!
And now, i have forgotten all that. And tried to get myself back to an old place where i think they are good again.
Even when you get to the place of not thinking about them and yearning about one, which honestly will happen to you. You can get complacent and forget the addiction. I had a fag like i might have a crisp if someone offered me one, really forgetting that it could make me obsess on them
Trust me Jude I have no were near stopped thinking about them, in fact I think about them more now than before, but I just know I want ever smoke again, like I said I have an obsessive nature and when I say I will not do this again, I never do and there have been a couple of times in my life that I have proved this.
When I was 21 I got incredibly drunk and said I would never have more than 3 small glasses of wine and that I would never ever touch spirit again, and guess what I have never not once drank spirits, we went to a friend’s the other night for a BBQ and there was no wine and everyone else was merry and I drank water all night, some would say sad cow, I would say next time bring my own wine
So I know I will never smoke again, ok if someone develops a 100% safe ciggie I would consider smoking again
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