Day 16

I'm going crazy. For the past 2-3 days I've been having thoughts of smoking-- not urges.

I consider an urge to be the type of feeling you have from day 1 to about day 4, since I have no more nicotine in my system I don't consider them urges... just thoughts.

But oh boy my thoughts are ****ing strong as hell. I really feel like grabbing a pack of smokes or maybe going for a walk and bumming a cigarette....

Then I start to remember what it is like to go without a cigarette for a while and then to smoke one... You feel the nicotine and it whoops your ass. I used to get stuck so-to-speak, when I smoked a cigarette after not having one for a while. The feeling completely steals any energy you just had and 5 minutes after you're back to normal-- not feeling so stuck.

Why am I fiending for a feeling that lasts than 5 minutes?

I feel like a drug addict. Well, quite obviously I am a drug addict... we all are. I think thats what made me want to stop smoking. Where I live there is a good sized population of crack heads and heroin addicts. I see these people from time to time... in fact some people I grew up with turned into these people, addicts. I never did those crazy drugs, but I did smoke... and just like the crack heads & heroin addicts go back to their dealers multiple times a day we go to the corner store at least once a day. Cigarette smokers are the same thing as crack heads and heroin addicts. The only difference is we don't need to steal, rob, kill, or cheat to get our fix... but of course thats just because it is legal- if it were not legal I don't think there would be any difference between us and them.

That was one of the reasons I quit... I don't like to think of myself as a drug addict, and that is what I was-- err still am since I am thinking about smoking.

I also quit because I was tired of coughing up yellow and brown flem with all kinds of other nasty shit.

I was tired of wasting 10 bucks a day on a pack of bullshit that would only get me to tomorrow. Why the **** did I spend 10 bucks a day on a pack of cigarettes? A sandwich, I.E. breakfast or lunch, is 5 ****ing dollars. There were times that I did not eat so I could buy a pack of smokes... WTF was I thinking? **** me.

I hated being lethargic. I hated "needing" a cigarette after completing certain tasks... meals, a joint, a beer, a shit, a shower, sex.

I did not and still do not want to die for breathing smoke 18 times a day.

Well, I've written a lot and am not sure at the moment why I've written what I have. Oh thats right... I've been having "thoughts" lmao. One thing is for sure, writing about how I'm feeling about cigarettes has helped with the thoughts.

I'll push through today and I'll push through tomorrow. Not for anyone else, just me.

11 Replies

  • That has really helped me reading that. TY :)

    Hope you quit goes from strength to strength ;)

  • If it helps at all:

    Even though the nicotine has indeed left your body, the addiction and all the time you smoked has rewired certain parts of your brain to 'want' a smoke as it is the quickest fix to re-inforcing the gateway its made in your head which still craves the nicotine even though the supply of it has left the body.

    Its because it has left the body and that part of the brain is still rewired and seeking nicotine to make it go nuts for a bit that you will be constantly getting thoughts of smoking. Could be a quick flash of an image of a cigarette.. you might be walking down the street and someone is walking in the opposite direction to you and smoking. You gaze not at them.. but directly at the cig they have.. and you don't even realise you have stared at their cigarette until your sense returns.

    Its a complex thing.. but your addiction is currently doing this:








    Oh yeah its trying a pathetic mind game on you... oh and.. looking at the week your in on your quit.. 3rd week?

    Look around the forum.. have a good look.. folk on the 3rd day, 3rd week, and 3rd month... many having a harder time coping on those times more than any other part of their quit.. you are on week 3..

    I still believe in this 3 principle... seen too many folk posting on those times compared to others now, it can't all be just coincidence.

    Stick this week out, get into week 4.. and if the principle works, you should have a better week of it next week.

    This week however is just one of your main trials of the quit, and i am 100% convinced that this is to do with the brain trying to fix itself and rid itself of the rewired part. Hence confusion.. hence why it happens in cycles.

    Good luck, but stay strong. It is soooooooo worth the extra effort.

    The other thing is that the brain will clear out the rewired bit, but while its rewired, some of the more simple tasks in life, all requiring the brain to function a certain way are made more difficult because in order for the brain to process the thoughts, it has to avoid the nicotine rewired bit as that bit only functions when stimulated by nicotine. So some things seem like they are confusing you more than normal. Over time (while you are successfully abstaining from smoking, the brain reclaims the rewired part bit by bit.. and renews its pathways eventually restoring your brains normal function. Once you've gone the full quitting distance though there is one very small node in your brain that will stay dormant. This to everyone reading is referred to as your nicotine demon.. your monster. But.. its quite simply a node .. a single point in your brain that once stimulated by nicotine... will basically rebuild all its rewiring quick as a flash if you feed it. We as ex-smokers need to ensure we do not feed it more nicotine, because this rewiring process happens much quicker than we realise, and you simply cannot defy the law of addiction.. but you can control it, and you can quit. Just don't ever fall into the trap of thinking you can just have 1 and get away with it.. it simply never stops there, you smoke 1.. you wake up your entire addiction that you had before and sometimes make it worse.


  • I totally agree about feeling like an addict. I put FAGS (LOL) before pretty much everything else inc. food.In the end i couldn't see much difference between me and a heroin addict, we're both addicted to a drug.

    I had that addict mentality a bit too. I had to have it no matter what. I was also so darn unhealthy always pranging my brain up with nicotine or caffeine and eating rubbish- I never felt happy or well. Nothing made me feel goood really, i didn't enjoy smoking, i was just doing it cos i had to.

    I wanted to get my own dopamine levels back functioning normally again and i wanted to feel happy about life, not having a fag. I don't want to rely on something every half hour, to make myself feel "good" when i could feel good naturally and enjoy life a lot more.

    I read an interesting article comparing cigarettes to crack cocaine. It's the very short lived upper high that is very fast acting, reaches the brain instantly but disappears quickly, leaving you coming down and wanting more. The quicker acting and more short lived the drug , the more addictive it is apparently.

  • Hey Steve,

    nice post..... you have a good understanding of this whole smoking thing and you seem to have the right attitude! Those are two of the biggest factors that will make your quit a successful one.

    Keep taking one day at a time and very, very soon, things will get easier. Your body (and mind) are still adjusting.... in time those thoughts will fade more and more and the freedom you gain is worth every troublesome thought of smokes! Great job! :)

  • I've reported the waojoke4727 post as its advertising world of warcraft gold. Pah, i've got over 200,000 gold saved up on that game, why would i want to buy more lol

  • I've reported the waojoke4727 post as its advertising world of warcraft gold. Pah, i've got over 200,000 gold saved up on that game, why would i want to buy more lol

    The spam has been removed.

    It is sufficient to report such posts, there is no need to reply. Otherwise when we delete the spam posts, replies like this get left behind and don't make much sense:p

  • replies like this get left behind and don't make much sense:p

    Mod3...arch-troller :)

  • Good news everyone, I'm still smoke free.

    I'm not sure what day I'm on exactly and I really don't care to look at the calender on my computer and start counting days.

    I can tell you that October 11th is my birthday and on my birthday I will have been smoke free for 50 days!

    Just thinking about 50 days is amazing... I never ever thought I could make it this far. I used to tell people that in order for me to quit cigarettes I'd need to be dropped off on a deserted island in the middle of no where for a month or two with no access to tobacco.... LOOKS LIKE I WAS WRONG!

    I have to say I do still have urges for cigarettes HOWEVER!!! They are not like the old urges... how? well the old urges would last for 5+ minutes and they were terrible, I would sweat and grind my teeth and get figgity and angry... the urges I feel like are literally split second urges. I get these urges occasionally after sex and sometimes when I get extremely frustrated though I have noticed that I do not get frustrated as frequently as I did when I smoked on a regular basis. I don't want to deter anyone when I say that I still have urges, just be aware that it takes a long time for the urges to dissipate but they DO dissipate.

    Everyone stay strong and don't let ANYONE get in your way. I almost gave up on this quit a million times. Some idiot moron would get me upset and I would say "**** this I'm going to smoke" but immediately after having that thought I would say to myself "NO **** THAT SHIT I'M NOT LETTING THIS ASSHOLE BE THE REASON I CAN'T QUIT". My best advice is to redirect your thoughts and if you think in a way that can jeopardize your quit then THINK AGAIN BITCH! lol

    Stay strong everyone.... and for these world of warcraft fags ugh wtf u morons go do something productive with your life like MAKE MONEY... and when I say make money I don't mean march your animated character to an enemies village and steal gold... that gold isn't real money morons.

  • BostonSteve...

    Awesome news, 50 days is a terrific boost for you both mind and body seeing the benefits, which is pretty evident from your post.

    Still loads more benefits coming your way though m8y, i can only say for the next 25-30 days , but yeah still more yet.. just keeps getting better.

    I haven't even had a pang for a smoke this week, not even a passing thought.. nothing.. so if you get to this point, it will be even better than you've described.. good luck, carry on and keep fighting the good fight!


  • The spam has been removed.

    It is sufficient to report such posts, there is no need to reply. Otherwise when we delete the spam posts, replies like this get left behind and don't make much sense:p

    You shoulda just deleted the extra posting ;) bish-bash-bosh. job done :)

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