Tiny Story based on real events, by me. (jase) at Christmas last year. I was a fool, and the guilt and sorrow that consumed me on boxing day i cannot even begin to put to words. 7-8 months it took me to think about quitting again, don't ever let my experience become yours. Once quit, stay quit and never listen to your nicodemon (gollum) when he tells you one will be ok.. it just won't be) you take one.. you accept your entire addiction back again. its that simple.
Picture if you will a situation like on lord of the rings...
Well the rest for me was history... 7 to 8 months i entertained my gollum,.. him constantly telling me it was ok and that cigaretteses were OUR friend...
Til july the 11th came (6 days after my daughters 2nd birthday as it happens), i decide enough is enough and that i would cast my addiction, and indeed my gollum into the fires of mount doom.
I have now been free of Gollum, my addiction and indeed all that went with it for 7 weeks. Yes Gollum has indeed somehow returned a number of times since.. but i even though i am the smeagol in this dual personality that smoking addiction creates.. i managed to silence Gollum, and cast him back into the fire of mount doom many, many times... he will not get his preciousss.. i want my life back.. and my time is now.
I hope the above shows you just how easily the addiction can restart, how your gollum (nicodemon) can convince you that just one is ok, that one smoke in 8 months can be controllable, and fine.. and you only need that one right? Well, certainly in my case, and probably in every one of you, its exactly the same.
One is never ok.. and its not 'your preciousssss'... they are pure evil, they have a magic that is far more harmful than 'the one ring'.. they consume you, they make you become Gollum.. and the hold they have on you is far greater than you are led to believe when gollums voice first starts to tell you its ok..
Don't listen to gollum, and never take another puff of a cigarette, cigar or heck.. if you are into that stuff.. even a toke on a spliff..
NOT ANOTHER PUFF.. EVER!
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do you know thats wierd - i was watching the lord of the rings trilogy the other day (yeah i had a bit of spare time!) and was thinking the same association.
they do turn you into that little miserable consumed lesser version of yourself. and once you are back in its grasps, you do do all those dispicable things that you wouldnt normally do to get your precious smoke.
its power over you is strong. and not one that i can control.
so im with you. never again. not anything ever. its the only way.
You just made me dig out my box set extended edition. Running it nicely on my 2nd monitor while working on my main monitor.. cheers can't believe after the last pc rebuild i hadn't re-enabled my dvd
Excellent post Jase, really agree with the smeagol/gollum thing.
You're last post about pc, has just made me check out my usb portal, which wasn't attached. Have been recharging MP3 for last few days. Have had such trouble with the MP3 that the company sent me another (which doesn't work) and the a diiferent company which sells the chargers, has sent 2 electrical chargers both of which just make the MP3 players hot - in a scary way. So had basically kissed the first but tempramental MP3 good bye only to realise it was because the MP3 wasn't connected to usb (the only way to charge). Do I feel very stupid - yes - like one of those people who phones for help on pc only to find out the plug isn't switched on!!!!!:mad:
I used to be a tech support guy on the phone and id ask people questions like is it actually attached and you'd be amazed at the responses.
Some people genuinely thought that things just worked by proximity I think!
then you'd get the other side of the people who would virtually bite your face off for even daring to ask them. How could you assume they could be so stupid!!
the thing is, it was normally the ones that got the most offended that it normally ended up were the ones doing the most "school boy" errors.
Well i do work in desktop support (similar but i do alot of floor walking and taking laptops/pc's to bits too), but sometimes folk say 'i need my pc to be able to see that printer over there'.. normally on a boring day i'll just map them the network printer, on the days i'm feeling a bit silly, i start to disconnect their pc and when they ask wtf i'm doing, i simply tell them i'm moving their pc nearer the printer so it can see it (as a joke), always good for a giggle that one
I used to be a tech support guy on the phone and id ask people questions like is it actually attached and you'd be amazed at the responses.
Some people genuinely thought that things just worked by proximity I think!
then you'd get the other side of the people who would virtually bite your face off for even daring to ask them. How could you assume they could be so stupid!!
the thing is, it was normally the ones that got the most offended that it normally ended up were the ones doing the most "school boy" errors.
Hangs head in shame, though run was easier in the stonking rain earlier when I was able to plug in and zone out to the Prod. Somehow the pain feels less when my ear drums are reverberating to something other than traffic and the *slam* of water on the pavement.
Well i do work in desktop support (similar but i do alot of floor walking and taking laptops/pc's to bits too), but sometimes folk say 'i need my pc to be able to see that printer over there'.. normally on a boring day i'll just map them the network printer, on the days i'm feeling a bit silly, i start to disconnect their pc and when they ask wtf i'm doing, i simply tell them i'm moving their pc nearer the printer so it can see it (as a joke), always good for a giggle that one
Fantastic post, and absolutely true of all addicts to all substances.
There will always be a tiny part of me that wants to smoke - however, with practice and diligence I can keep that part subdued.
However, one puff and it is not only awake - but almost instantly back to full strength trying to drag me down again.
Stuart - Free and Healing for Eleven Months, Nineteen Days, 13 Hours and 24 Minutes (354 days), while extending my life expectancy 30 Days and 18 Hours, by avoiding the use of 8864 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me £2,563.40.
Never another puff - Choose life, health and above all.... freedom from the slavery of addiction.
Great post Jase. I can relate to this. It explains the addiction so well. Hitting the 7/8 week mark, although not craving for a smoke at all, is the desire to 'try just one'
Its funny how we ex-smokers will entertain the thought of 'just one', and amazingly it is mostly a seed that is planted in your mind and it grows... at first its a passing thought, then you start to think about it and quite like the idea.. the next you are actually even considering it.
Its the junkie in us really.. looking for a justifiable excuse to have one... ohhhh just one.. just a little one.. can't harm can it?
The truth is.. yes it does harm.. just one started the addiction, and just one will destroy your quit.. it was just one many years ago that got you hooked in the first place. There is not one of us here that can have just one and it not affect us severely. We only kid ourselves if be believed that.
I'm pleased to say that during christmas and new year (just gone for 2009/2010), I didn't listen to the voice of Gollum .. in fact, the entire scenario that broke my quit in 2008 didn't even arise.. got through it very easily in fact. Its about not making silly mistakes twice.
Look after your quit, its a source of much pride in something that many find very difficult to do, so the longer you go, and the better you educate yourself the bigger that pride becomes.
Keep going smokey bear, what you are doing by staying free of the addiction is worth any and all of the false positives you once thought were true of smoking and much much more.
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