17th day and dying

Hi All,

It is my 17th day as a non smoker after 23 years with a few breaks in between. I would have posted earlier but I didn't want any positive reinforcement for quitting because I quite simply didn't want to talk about it. I have resigned myself to feeling sick and depressed and somehow that is working. I have been taking Champix, but from my experience with quitting cold turkey in the past, I can say that the Champix doesn't really seem to be helping the withdrawals. The first few days I felt like curling up in a ball on the floor in the fetal position. I didn't want to eat or talk on the phone, or work, or drive. After a few days the hard core cravings subsided a bit but I was left with difficult moments, when I would forget that I had quit and I would be looking for my cigarettes and then I would remember I had quit and then I would want to curl up in a ball again. I am at the point where I am feeling the positive effects of not smoking like improved breathing, teeth stains are starting to fade, sense of smell returning, not leaving a lung in the sink every morning, vehicle doesn't smell, not as preoccupied with the usual "where's my lighter, where's my smokes, do I have enough, do I have to buy some, no driving around the block an extra 5 times before I get to work to squeeze in my 7th smoke before I get to work" I have been feeling some what relaxed or something, hard to explain. I have been coughing up this black stuff though a few times a day. It just comes out of the blue and I gotta say that it is freakin my out a little bit. I think it is just a lifetime of tar and nicotine trying to get out of my lungs. Maybe thats why it is so hard to quit! I'm sure it must still be getting absorbed into the blood stream! Anyway with all the positive stuff aside, I still want to smoke my brains out! I want to be told by the doctor that I have some kind of terminal disease so I can start smoking again because it won't matter (just joking but it does rattle through my mind from time to time). I am mostly sittng at my desk or at home and just kind of day dreaming, unless there is something strong enough to grab my attention I have completely lost my focus. I am not completely part of the real world again and I feel like I am waiting for something, kind of like those few days before you go on vacation and you are useless at work. I don't intend to smoke no matter how bad it gets because I know it will take more than 1 smoke to make me feel better and I have had enough of smoking. I am going to fight these cravings to the death because I want to have a better quality of life. I don't want to die from smoking but in the back of my mind where the creatures of pleasure and habit live I can't think of one good reason for quitting. I am noticing all the 110 year old people that are still smoking as I drive around and I think to myself (if there still alive WTF). I could actually smell a cigarette, driving on the highway at 100km/hr as someone sped passed me with their arm out the window. Maybe it was just my brain playing tricks on me but just the same!! I could smell it, and believe me it smelled good. I will drop in from time to time to rant about how I feel even if knowbody reads what I have to say just so I can get a few things off my chest instead of putting smoke in my chest.

15 Replies

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  • Winston, you sound EXACTLY like me at day 17. I tell you if this had lasted, I would so be smoking by now again. I had a hard time just like you described until about day 28..... then things started being much, much easier. Everyone is different but one thing is the same for all..... it gets easier. Life will go back to normal for you. I did the same..... resigned myself to misery.... it was a good surprise to wake up one day and not being miserable anymore..... we all have our tough days here and there but I guarantee you, if you continue to just stick it out you will see that what I tell you is true!

    Hang in there! You can do this ;)

  • You have met week 3 i think here. Quite a number of folk have said day 3, week 3 and month 3 (the 3's) are the worst.. get over them you beat the main 3 challenges of a quit.

    Well i had a bad day 3, a really rough start on week 3 which only got better because i was given a few hints as to how to deal with a few problems i was experiencing, and in a week and a day's time i'll be in my month 3.. oh joy :)

    But.. i will welcome any and all difficulty with open arms, because whatever this withdrawal process has to throw at me, i conquer it.

    The trick is to get through it, learn more about what the nicotine addiction is.. and how folk cope with the withdrawal.

    Get strong, stay strong, come out the other side ready for more. Eventually it just gets easy.

  • Hi Winston,

    Sorry that you are feeling that bad about quitting. I havent been as bad as that at all.

    Maybe taking up swimming or jogging my give you some focus and help you to remain off the ciggies? Perhaps aim for a 5K run and train for it?

  • Hi all

    I am new to this but I too am feeling awful..been on champix for 16 days and have been smoke free for six. I am keeping positive but i am having a lot of tickling in hands and feet and other withdrawal feelings for hours on end..i thought they were meant to be just a few minutes long. The champix seemed to help me stop but seems ineffective with the withdrawal symptoms...i will not smoke but just wondering how long before these awful feelings pass. I decided to stop while on holiday, which has helped as I can relax but I have a very stressful job which I return to at the beginning of September and I am worried about coping with the difficult moments.

    it has been great reading your threads and well done to all of you n x

  • Hi Winston :)

    Sorry you're feeling so bad just now but it does get easier Promise and already you're in week three

    The coughing is normal for lots of us although I never had it keep it going

    Hi Noreen :)

    Well done on 6/7 days quit that's great all the things you're feeling just now are normal when quitting and will soon pass

    Below is my standard welcome and advice post which I try and give all new members

    Welcome to the forum and well done on the decision to quit possibly one of the most important you will ever make and you will be losing nothing but you will regain control of your life and that has to be good

    You will find all the help and support you need on here as we all help each other just like a family we are here for you every step of the way cheering the good days and sympathiseing with the bad but the good far outweigh the bad

    Read the posts on here you will find a lot of tips and advice and in the signatures of a lot you will find links to other sites just click on them Here are 2 I find very good to start you off whyquit.com and woofmang.com Read, read and then read some more as the more you read and learn about why you smoked and about your addiction the easier your quit will be

    Post often to let us know how you're doing, to rant, rave have a moan whatever you like pretty much anything goes on here OK

    Marg

  • Hi All,

    Thanks for the support. I was having a really bad day and it turned into a bad weekend. My wife and I sat at opposite ends of the house (she quit too). I feel pretty good today with the normal cravings and the usual haziness. My big problem now is making it up to my wife for being cranky and ruining the weekend. I hope my marriage survives us quiting smoking.

  • Hi Winston :)

    Sorry you had such a rough weekend but glad you're feeling better today but week three is tough for some of us and it's almost over for you now and it will start to get easier for you

    Aplogise to your wife and explain why you were so cranky but remember how you felt so if your wife hits a rough patch you'll know how she feels

    Why not buy her a little present ie flowers, chocs or anything else that she likes a bottle of her favourite perfume would be good

    Love

    Marg

  • Thanks Marg, I will do something nice like that for her. Its funny how my wife and I each know that if only one of us quit we could never do it and when we are having a rough day we take it out on each other. I can't wait to feel normal again. One of the rough things is that we used to stay up late and talk to each other having one smoke after another. We could always count on each other to have one more smoke. Now that that is gone we haven't really been too social with each other.

  • Hi Winston :D

    That feeling of closeness [for want of a better word] will return you both have to adjust to not smoking and it takes a little while to do this

    Also your bodies are healing from the abuse you gave them while smoking

    Your bodies will heal and you'll both be normal again only better Promise just be patient

    As for the taking it out on each other I think we all do that to those we love best when we're cranky

    Love

    Marg

  • Thanks Marg, You are very wise.

  • Hi Winston :D

    You're welcome and if I was able to help I'm very pleased and happy to have done so

    Love

    Marg

  • Winston, just read your replies etc just now.

    Doesn't this just go to further strengthen the reason to quit though, now that you've seen this bit with the moodiness, you'll both reach a better point in quitting where you are able to look back at this bit and never want to go through this again.. either of you.

    The present idea is good, but talking and just perhaps acknowledging that you are both going through some withdrawal symptoms from nicotine here.. and that no matter what is said you always love the lady.

    Thats what its about really, and once you've both come through this, i'm sure things will seem so mucht the better.

  • Thanks, Jase I think I am coming to realize that. Not that I haven't been through it before but its like you have to give your head a shake once in a while.

  • must be nearly 3 weeks now for you is it Winston?

  • Winston,

    When i get a bit moody, i've taken to cold water splashing my face at the bathroom sink.. its something to do, and it kinda snaps you out of the thoughts i'm having too. Just one of many distractions really.

    You just need to keep in mind that with 2 folk quitting you will either be 1 person in a bad mood, both in a bad mood, or both in a good mood.. when both are in a bad mood, thats the highest out of sync moment you will get .. at that point, one of you 'must' back off/down.. and ideally give each other space when that happens.

    When your both on a good vibe again, enjoy each others company.. and don't forget to congratulate each other on another day done.

    This is all for the best .. no reason to dig at each other though when non of its actually meant.

    love will conquer all.. just that confusing addiction getting in the way tha's all.

    you'll do it winston.. you have to.

    J

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