I just thought I would share what I am feeling right now as Im feeling really positive. Maybe the next time that nic demon comes I will be able to read this post back!
I am choosing not to smoke at the moment, I know I could have one whenever I want one but I actually dont want one. Ive been watching people smoke and realised how horrible I used to look when I was smoking. people used to say I looked like I really enjoyed each fag, which I did at the time, not all of them but certain ones were my favourite. I think I looked like a wrinkly faced old fishwife trying to get the biggest drag possible, sucking my cheeks in to inhale as much smoke as I could. urgh!
I feel free at the moment, free from smoke and free from nicotine and its a great feeling, my lunchtimes were spent smoking and then trying to cover up the smell when I got back in the office. today I had a really nice walk and met up for lunch with my friend.
I now know that smoking is not going to make everything better, I used to light up at the slightest stress, celebration or for any excuse really and when I have given up before the tiniest problem has set me off smoking again. I know thats the addiction that grabs hold of you and never wants to let go.
Now that I understand that I can be strong. I can hold my own against the nic demon, I can even beat the nic demon.
I have given up smoking and dont feel any urge to smoke again. thats not to say I dont get cravings and mood swings and tears and anger, but I know that no matter how hard it gets I can do it, I can get support from here, my fab boyfriend, all the sites etc etc and I can get through it. I will always wait for responses on here when Im craving and by the time ive read, and re read the replies and websites i have the nic demon in a headlock. when Ive got my head straight i knock him down!!! the smelly jacket at my work is a constant reminder of how I used to smell and it often turns my stomach but it helps me to choose not to go back to being a smelly smoker.
