The BIG decision

Hello all, hope you are having a fab smoke free day :D

As alot of you know i crashed, naughty silly Helz!!!! but i have been reading up lots, and feel ready to start again....for good....i have tried to understand why i fell off the wagon, why i felt that having a cigarette would help me...i said i felt out of control, but have talked this through with my OH and my Mum (who i am pleased to say has quit again..go mum!) and have come to realise that the comfort and control i was seeking both this time and last time was related to an entirely different problem which i have battled with in the past and am still battling with now...i suffer from depression (been on happy pills from the doctor for a while, refused to take them for ages but got worse) the previous times i have needed to feel this "control" were after having my son and then going back to work too early, when my first period of depression started (post natal) after a while i wasn't coping with it and went back to smoking as it made me feel like Helz again, it was a comfort and something to hide behind when things were too tough. The other time was when my boys dad left me (my little one was 2 1/2) didn't have time to deal with my feelings about it..had to get a new job (he was abusive and forced me to leave the one i had shortly before dumping us) find a house, and a nursery and concentrate on taking care of my boy...i stopped eating and found myself smoking (its no wonder i got down!!!) anyway...back to the point!! This time i missed my boy, i missed my work and i forgot to take my happy pill 2days running (silly girl!!) so i felt low....and what did i do??? i had a fag stupid looney that i am!!!!!!! sooo mad with myself! so the conclusion is...DON'T FORGET TO TAKE MY TABLETS!!!!!! AND GET THE HELL BACK TO WORK!!! feeling really positive and there are no fags in the house so trying to quit now and staying happy :D some people need champix...i need prozac..oh well life could be worse! wish me luck people!!! no more fags! xxxxxx

11 Replies

  • Helen

    Depression is horrible, my wife has had post natal depression twice and it was like she was an automaton, functioning rather than living. She is over it now, but you have my sympathies.

    I think that quitting smoking exacerbates depression, I know that although I don't suffer with depression I have had some pretty low moods during this quit.

    Take the meds and good luck with the new quit.

    Best wishes


  • Thanks Nic :)x

  • Hi Helen - just want to wish you the very best with your quit. Don't forget to come on here as well as taking your pills.

    Oh and BTW you can come off the nawty step now:D:D

  • Good for you

    You poor thing, sounds like you've been haveing a hard time, well done for getting to the root of things and good luck with smoke free Helz, you can do it :)


  • I have suffered from depression and anxiety for the whole time I have been

    quit and am on lexapro and klonapin for nerves.I think the smoking was my medicine before and when I quit I needed something.

    Good luck on your quit.

  • The only experience I have with depression is watching my Mrs go through it. She has had it on and off ever since the little one came along and takes some mild medication to control it and stop it becoming a problem.

    Thankfully, I have never had anything like it - although I am pretty low at the moment, I know it will pass as my leg improves and I get mobile enough to avoid sitting thinking (about smoking and other things) constantly.

    If a Doctor has prescribed happy pills, don't forget to take them - I know from experience with my OH that forgetting is worse than never starting as the sudden drop in levels has a big effect. Do whatever you need to do to remember - tatoos on the inside of eyelids included!

    Good luck Helz.

  • thanks guys :Dx

  • Helen,

    Wishing you good luck. I am sure that now you have "got your head around it" and realised why you fell off the wagon you will now succeed.

    Best wishes


  • Hi Helen, best of British for this quit. I too have suffered from depression in the past and believe me, it DOES affect your quit. All you can do is never doubt the decision you made to quit, hopefully you will understand that statement soon!

    Just see it through no matter what! Good Luck :D:D:D

  • (((Hug))) Helen

    It takes a lot of guts to come on here and bare your soul.

    We are all here for you. Knowing and understanding WHY you smoked is half the battle.

    Go, girl! It's great that your Mum has stopped too - Go, Helen's Mum :D:D:D

  • Hi Helen, glad that you managed to pinpoint the reasons for your returning to smoking. I can sympathise with the depression, I too had postnatal depression and when I finished the treatment, thinking I was fine without the pills, within 3 months I realised that I still needed them!

    Things do get easier and I don't appear to have any rareties from my parents, must just be me!:rolleyes:

    Good luck with your new quit and your new job for Monday!

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