This is me officially leaving the optimistic 3/4/5.
I scrounged a fag off my mate at work today. And it was absolutely bloody heaven! Then I went and bought 10, and have smoked myself literally sick since then.
The desire to quit hasn't gone completely. Smoking today has totally put me off smoking again. The last one was fookin minging!!!
Thing is that I'm finding juggling being a single dad and working hard. I'm dropping my son off at half seven in the morning, and not being able to pick him up till 6. Sometimes having to ring my mam on the way home to go and pick him up cos the traffic is so bad. I've got a major guilt thing going on there! I'm not getting to spend much quality time with the bairn, and he's getting upset about me leaving him all the time.
I'm looking for a new job closer to home. But....not many IT jobs come up outside of Newcastle anyway, and I really don't want to leave where I am (even though I could easily earn 10 grand a year more), cos I love the place where I work and the lads I work with are just the best!
Then there's another downside to that. There's not that many single dad's around, and in the IT world especially, employers expect you to work as many hours as the job needs (I've been known to work five 20 hour days in a row), so I'm also worried that I'm going to find it hard to find another job. My current employer as a company is crap at supporting staff, but i've got probably the best, and most understanding, team and department managers in the entire world.
So, the upshot is, I've got a lot on my mind and although I was doing really well, something today told me I had to have a fag. Because I enjoyed it I had to have some more! I have no intention of having any more. I've learnt my lesson, and I purposely smoked all 10 as quick as I could to teach myself a lesson! This has nowt to do with cutting down on the NRT either for any cynics out there!!!!
So, back to day 1 tomorrow. Sorry to let you down Rick and MadAngel, but sh!t happens. I wish you both the very best in your continuing quits and I hope I can count on your support through the following days.