Going thru a 'dip' at the mo...

[nsd_user663_2931]

Wasn't gonna start a thread but I think I will because I want to ask something.

I'm nearly 2 months clear in my quit and all of a sudden I'm kinda wanting to smoke. I'm thinking my crap I have going on in my life has finally caught up with me and is causing this 'dip' in my resolve. Do you think this may be correct???

The thought of actually smoking a fag seems like bliss right now, yet the idea of all that smoke going into my lungs repulses me. If it wasn't for that, I'm pretty damn sure I'd be smoking again right now because I have lost all interest in this quit. I don't care if I smoke. Yet, I must give a damn just a wee bit else I would be smoking again. But I can't 'do' the suffocating my lungs bit though arrghh!

I've been ok mostly. Just stronger thoughts than normal of smoking. When I really think about the act of smoking it repulses me so why the 'attraction' to the idea of smoking? I don't get it. Thing is, it seems the most natural thing in the world right now to smoke a cigarette :confused:

I know others have gone through similar stages. To those that have, how long was it until you felt on top of things again? Thanks.

[nsd_user663_2892]

I still have thoughts like that too, Maddie, but like you, the thought of polluting my lungs and re-introducing nicotine into my system is just so NOT going to happen. I guess our Nicodemon is not quite dead yet (* stubborn b******! Just DIE why don't you???)!!!!

I have a collection of favourite sayings, articles whatever you want to call them that I have saved onto a word doc. Every now and again, I just open that document and read it through. It really helps. Here is just one of my favourites:

Quitting is like losing a lover. Initially, you don't know how to survive. Smoking is the first thing you think of when you wake, then there is that terrible sorrow that it is gone. It pops into your head throughout the day and reminds you of it's attributes over it's flaws. But after time, you learn to live without it, to dismiss it from your thoughts. And, eventually, you wonder what the hell you saw in it in the first place.

Stick in there, Maddie, you know it is so worth it

[nsd_user663_2629]

hey maddy

i dont think you really do want to otherwise you would have done so by now - i prob havent helped sorry - maybe its the weather but EVERYONE seems to be smoking at the moment - i smell fresh smoke i see people smoking and i think 'that was me,' and sort of wish it still was but thats only because it would be easier to smoke than not!! DONT DO IT your brains in warp mode find someone whos had a fag recently it will soon put u off again, Get pregnant that way no pms and deff no smoking :D I know im a genius :cool:

[nsd_user663_2931]

That saying/article sounds like a good ana logy at the moment Barbara.

Although I kinda want a cig right now, like you, I can't bear to put nicotine into my body or inhale those nasty poisonous fumes. Yet, a part of me still wants a fag...but again, can't 'do' the nic or the fumes lol Its a never ending cycle.

I'm not desperate for a cig. I am, however, depending fully on my mindset to see me through this 'dip'. Luckily, my attitude has been a hell of a lot more positive than my last quit and as such I am not climbing the walls wanting a cig...its more a strong thought of something I once did and feel sad at not doing it anymore and your ana logy kinda explains that quite well.

And yes, why doesn't the bs-tard just dieeeeeeeeeeee!!! Completely! Like you, it isn't going to beat me. No can do.

As for buying lots of chocolate John...urrghhhh!! Thats just nasty lol I don't like chocolate 'as a rule'. Occasionally I might eat some but not alot. I wouldn't say no to a nice Pink Champagne(?) apple at the mo though! mmmmmm Gonna have to buy some when I go shopping in a min, I love those apples! Trust 'em to be the priciest also!

[nsd_user663_2931]

Maddy as a friend i would be quite happy to help in that department. Purely to take your mind off the fags mind....i promise i would take no pleasure whatsoever:eek:

LOL Oh I'm sure you wouldn't John :rolleyes:

Edit: Oh, and thats summat else! I'm well broody!!! I'm that desperate that I thought about grabbing any ole bloke off the street a few weeks ago haha!

(that was a joke...)

(the grabbing any bloke off the street bit...)

(...I think)

lol

[nsd_user663_2497]

I'm nearly 2 months clear in my quit and all of a sudden I'm kinda wanting to smoke. I'm thinking my crap I have going on in my life has finally caught up with me and is causing this 'dip' in my resolve. Do you think this may be correct???

Yes, probably. Every time there is a lapse on these boards, its usually accompanied by the same sentiments you have mentioned. Hell, check the threads, people seem to lapse when they're having a rough time. Not just on here obviously, its the same in real life. I've had a quit like that previously.

Unless your very unlucky the rough time wont last forever, and neither will these feelings. 2nd month is still quite a vulnerable stage in my opinion. As time goes by these feelings WILL diminish. Unfortunately that seems as if its further down the road your still travelling.. but the destination is only worthwhile getting to if the journey makes us that bit stronger along the way.

Keep focused Maddy.

[nsd_user663_2931]

Thanks SV. I'm going to keep focused. When I'm not feeling sorry for myself and getting on with stuff my thoughts of fags diminish and even if I have the odd thought about them they are not too bad to deal with but sometimes, like today and part of yesterday, I found the thoughts quite strong and they scared me a lil because I have found this quit to be easy so far. Maybe this is just a kick up the backside to remind me to not become lazy in my quit and to remember that it still takes some form of determination to remain smoke free? I don't know. Haven't felt I have needed much determination as I have found it easy.

I'm sure these thoughts will pass. I can't let them beat me.

Thanks again. I will get to where you are one day SV. Another few months !! and I'll be right there! Well done you

[nsd_user663_2931]

Passing fancy...Yeah, that just about sums it up. What took me one long paragraph you summed up in two words lol Well, almost!

I found tonight a testing time. I came home to find my dog had trashed one of my kids mattresses and I just cried! I couldn't believe what the lil shit had done! ggrrr After the initial shock of what my dog had done I then had thoughts of having a fag which is the first time in a long time that my thoughts have turned to fags after something stressful. Its just one thing after another lately.

I have to ask, why do you appear to be on the defensive with your very last para, CW? No big deal, like, but it just struck me for a min that you might think I would totally dismiss everything you had to say. Hope I said that right!

[nsd_user663_3248]

Hey Maddy I quit about the same time as you and have found this quit quite easy, BUT every now and then the old strange thought of wouldn't it be nice to have a smoke now???? I think to myself, why am i thinking like this? I would HATE to smoke now. Cant stand the bloody things, they stink, their expensive, their offensive and they kill you :eek:

C/W is right this is still early in our quit and we must keep our guard up.

Still one day at a time

Were just one puff away from a full pack:cool:

Didn't someone up above say that

[austinlegro 11 Years Smoke Free]

Maddy,

Personally i reckon everyone's quit is a simple balance of determination not to smoke vs desire to have a fag.

In the early days of a good quit the determination is much stronger and we get comfort from it. As the weeks and months pass both reduce their strength but determination is always that little bit stronger than desire.

Every now and again and for odd moments the determination leaves us. Typically it's when we're drunk, stressed, annoyed, ecstatic, bored and the further we are from day 1 the less we remember how strong we had to be.

All MY failed quits have been typically at 6, 12, 18 months. If you fail at 3, 6, 9 weeks you haven't honestly got your quit head on..

I can remember some of my failures, "i will have a fag, i'm on holiday" and i remember walking to the shops at 12 months plus to buy a pack of fags because of a really stressful day at work.

For me, this time is the one. I know things now that i didn't know all the other times and one of the biggest of those is, "failure is just a puff away"

As the years pass i'm expecting the desire to be tiny and the determination to be the tiniest bit stronger but we MUST be prepared for that day at some unknown point in the future when the two balance and disaster is a real possibility...

[nsd_user663_3248]

Well said Austin

[nsd_user663_3248]

Hey Maddy, I guess you have every right to go and buy some cigs,. if you feel that bad, smoking will help you get through the bad patch:eek:

Is that what you wanted to hear!

Cos it ain't coming from me girl!

Come on Maddy pick yourself up dust yourself down and hop back on board.

What ever your going through will be ten times worse by smoking, just think how demoralised you will feel.

Please please dont do it.

Promise me you will not smoke today, tomorrow, if you still feel that you want a fag log on here first cos ill be here to give you another bollocking

Concider yourself Bollocked

John get your but in here now

[nsd_user663_2931]

haha Daytona, I consider myself well and truly b'locked and I am too skeered to face your b'locking for a second time so all thoughts of smoking have gone right out of my head :eek:

I don't know whats gone wrong John. I wish I knew. Maybe now isn't the time for me? I don't know. I don't think I am even craving a fag as such. I am just experiencing strong thoughts of an old habit and I am fed up of them. They are getting to me damnit.

Thanks for your wishes everyone. I'm off out for a bit to try and clear my head a bit. Have a nice day all

[nsd_user663_2931]

Wow thanks for posting that Cw. It made perfect logical sense. When I hit the part where 'ed' said 'just over the next hill' the second time, it hit me what the moral of the story was and it made something click inside my head.

We have to remain strong in our quits and to not let the habit take over.

Last night, when I was in such a tormented state about going to the garage to grab some fags (it was late) I had this horrid battle going on inside my head. Impulse made me feel like I wanted a fag but even at the very worst of it, I KNEW that by having a cig wasn't going to solve anything. I knew that so why did I still feel like I wanted a cig and to hell with the quit? I don't understand it.

The logical part of my mind was right there with me throughout and thankfully stopped me doing something stupid. Isn't it weird though? That all rational thought can go out of the window and your mind becomes completely illogical? Well, for the most part when you're going through a strong 'thought'. One of the main things that stopped me last night was the thought of letting my kids down and also the vision of that nasty smoke swirling round in my lungs. If it wasn't for those two things, I don't think I'd be smoke free today. Damn I came very close to relapsing again last night and earlier today.

I do hope I am over the worst of it. Sad thing is, I don't want to smoke. So if I do relapse in the next few days then I am going to be absolutely gutted.

Anyway, thanks again for posting that piece. I really related to it. It has helped.

Thanks.

[nsd_user663_2892]

Chin up, Maddie, you KNOW you will get over this "bad patch", and we're all here to give you a legover any time you are stuck...... (you know what I mean! ;))

Onwards and upwards!

[Dellabella]

Hi Maddy

I have been in your shoes time and time again, but apart from two puffs along the way, haven't fallen off the wagon yet!! I don't think I actually will as keep remembering the video of that nasty smoke filling up my lungs, you know the one with the palmolive bottle... What I would really want to know is why am I still thinking about something I don't want!!! It really doesn't make sense does it???

You are a very strong woman Maddy and your posts and funny wit have kept me going many a time on here. I'm sure its a passing thought for you like it is for many of us travelling along this quitting road, keep strong, you can do it.

Just a thought though, I am definately more inclined to want one at a certain point in the month!!!! Have been keeping a log and it seems to happen then...

Did you watch britain has got talent, perhaps we will see you on there next year with your dog doing tricks!!!

Take care x

[nsd_user663_2931]

Did you watch britain has got talent, perhaps we will see you on there next year with your dog doing tricks!!!

Take care x

Hmmm My dog is too dumb to do tricks :rolleyes: Awww No, she's getting there. Just got back from the lake actually after doing some training with her. She's not helping either lately...this week alone she has chewed up my son's mattress, chewed up the banister pretty bad, chewed the edge right off one of my kitchen counter supports and ripped up a corner of the carpet :mad: I feel I have been well and truly 'tried' this week, what with everything else!

I hear you re the 'certain point of the month' thing. I feel it more then too (assuming we're talking about the same thing lol). I definitely think that has something to do with it and do you know that this 'bad patch' started at 'that point' of the month. I felt like this last time at 'that point' of the month also but it was only mild and it wore off within a couple of days. I definitely think there is something in that. Very good point you raised there.

Glad to hear you're doing ok now Della. I know you too have had your downs as well as your ups. I don't know why we still think about something we don't want either. Its all very strange.

Anyway, thanks for your support and also Barbara (aka nutta)

[nsd_user663_2931]

Wow John, is there no end to your selflessness? You should be hailed the 'Hero of our times'. Well I for one am impressed by your Goodwill and selfless legovers, which, btw, stands you apart from any other man that walks this planet :rolleyes:

[nsd_user663_2892]

John - I just knew you were a gentleman at heart

How very kind of you to offer to help Maddie out like this :rolleyes:

Maddie, you know I meant no innuendo whatsoever when I mentioned "legovers", don't you (*polishes halo)

[nsd_user663_2892]

*my halo is already too shiny for words*

:eek: I'm dazzled! :eek:

(*Barbara reaches for sunglasses! ;))

[nsd_user663_2826]

innuendo?

*my halo is already too shiny for words*

It must be all that "polishing" you've been doing john...... :eek: