I Have Had Enough!!

DAY 14

Well made it to day 14 but really have had enough of the crunchies and just my whole situation. So fed up with hub cos when I smoked he complained constantly about the smell even though I went to bottom of garden and sprayed on Charlie Red afterwards. But since I have given up he has not once asked if I am ok - or if I was coping. No instead he is so controlling he has told me I shouldn't come on for forum. Not that he talks to me at all - I am just a functioning robot in my house. And it's alright for him to indulge in loads of expensive stuff for himself and his obsessions but he's blaming me for everything even for things when I am not even there!!! Anyway I told him to bog off and that I will come on here when I want so there with brass nobs on.

Sorry guys my rant is done. I am trying to make some changes to my life which is very hard as no support at all. But feeling the crunchies. Bought some new tunes to try and chill out to as music seems to be the thing for me that helps me get through. I thought it would get better not worse but it is getting worse. Slept a little better last night 3 hours but still not eating. Clothes beginning to fall off now!!!

But I do want a smoke so bad - but gonna be strong. When we went to Tescos I had to pass 2 shops, Tescos and a garage which all sell smokes and I kept thinking just go in and get some, just a couple of puffs but I thought no can,t do it. Even when Matthew had another monty in Tescos screamed 'Mummy you are a stupid idiot and I hate you' because I wouldn't let him put a bag over his head ......oh I wonder why?? and then he pulled a load of hair out. Sorry bad morning - listen to a bit of Hard Fi and feel better.

Sorry to rant but I figured better than buying smokes.

Loves you all

Poppyfairyxxxxx

34 Replies

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  • Don't give in.

    Please!!!!!!!!!

  • Bite sizes popppy bite sizes x x

    One goal at a time make a list and prioritise.

    Telling your hubby that what you do in your time is your decision not his.

    Try not to shout at him or be offensive.

    Using 'I' statements will help enforce your words.

    'I am going on the forum for an hour because I need their support and they need mine'

    It's not a question for him to argue with it is a true statement!

    Don't take the world on your shoulders and deal with everything at once!!

    bite by bite ;)

    ~Buffy

  • Thanks Buffy. I think I will make a list of all I've got to do, not just for now but for the future cos things have gotta change.

    I'm not offensive and I don't shout but I did tell him to Bog off cos he was having a go at me and I couldn't stand it any longer as I have three people constantly on my back and what ever I do is always always wrong. And it has taken me 9 years to realise I am a person to and entitled to a life (no matter how small), instead of just being there to facilitate everyone elses lives.

    Little pieces

    Poppyfairyxxx

  • Good for you poppy ;)

    Nothing will happen overnight but you can change things.

    Trust me ;)

    Those crunchies sound more to me like that feeling of living on edge 24/7

    ~Buffy x x

  • I think that's not what I have realised. That I can fight for my kids for years and all the way to the High Courts etc. but there has been nothing left for me - so I forgot who I was and that basically my function in life was to keep everyone else going. It has been very overwhelming coming on here for me as I couldn't believe people were interested in what I had to say. It has been like being a sleeping beauty (though I am by no means saying I'm a beauty!!) and waking up after 9 years.

    Thanks Buffy Loves you loads

    Poppyfairyxx

  • Dear Poppyfairy

    Im real sorry to hear of your stress's this morning and amazed at your husband's demands to stop coming on the forum when the whole idea is to get support and help to stop smoking.

    Sometimes in life we have to overcome our weakness's in order to become stronger and a better person no matter how hard this may be. Nicotine is our weakness and we are all in this together,Im a great believer in that time is the greatest healer and it will become easier. You'll succeed with the rest of us on the other side, if it takes months of kicking and screaming, so be it, but you will get there.

    My farther, who was a smoker for 45 years, was told to quit smoking when he had a heart attack 15 years ago, and he did, and has never looked back since. The first year of his quit was very difficult but he did not falter and got through in the end, with support and hearing of stories for inspiration.

    The moral of the story is it can be done , and it will be done no matter how hard it may be sometimes. We are all stronger, much stronger than we believe. Believe in yourself, sometimes you'll be suprised at what you may find :)

  • Thanks Funky ever so

    Your lovely words have made me cry now. Gosh I'm so emotional at today and I'm just not like that - normally hold everything inside and keep it together. You've been so great to me funky thank you so much. And I will keep going now just take a deep breath and put the scissor sisters on cos that's enough to get anybody revved up and boogying on down for life...

    Biigest Hugs

    Poppyfairyxx

  • Thanks Funky ever so

    Your lovely words have made me cry now. Gosh I'm so emotional at today and I'm just not like that - normally hold everything inside and keep it together. You've been so great to me funky thank you so much. And I will keep going now just take a deep breath and put the scissor sisters on cos that's enough to get anybody revved up and boogying on down for life...

    Biigest Hugs

    Poppyfairyxx

    let it all come out, crying is good sometimes as it will help to be stronger. I sometimes cry and will admitt to that, it takes more of a man to cry but it good for your emotions and to lear your system.

    Where all right behind you Poppyfairy to catch you if you fall, sometimes you may feel yours walls may crumble but we'll be here to build them right back up, bigger and stronger than before.

  • let it all come out, crying is good sometimes as it will help to be stronger. I sometimes cry and will admitt to that, it takes more of a man to cry but it good for your emotions and to lear your system.

    Where all right behind you Poppyfairy to catch you if you fall, sometimes you may feel yours walls may crumble but we'll be here to build them right back up, bigger and stronger than before.

    Round of applause that man!!! :eek:

    Beautiful post!!

  • Thank you so much Funky you've made me feel so much better. I'm just not used to people being so nice to me. Life seems a very confusing place but it can all be unravelled and sorted - there's always solutions - it's just taking the time to make the right ones so I have to be patient and work it through. I know I do.

    A friend of mine has just called and I said to her I've realised I need to get a life - and she said 'thank god Kathryn we've been saying that for years. Right night out with the girls and that's a date', cos I've not been out for 9 years.

    Well I'm playing the Clash which is still as rebellious as when i used to listen to them and see them play 25 years ago. So I'm going to be a little rebel now. Maybe I'll get a mohican again.............

    Loves to you

    Poppyfairyxxx

  • Thank you so much Funky you've made me feel so much better. I'm just not used to people being so nice to me. Life seems a very confusing place but it can all be unravelled and sorted - there's always solutions - it's just taking the time to make the right ones so I have to be patient and work it through. I know I do.

    A friend of mine has just called and I said to her I've realised I need to get a life - and she said 'thank god Kathryn we've been saying that for years. Right night out with the girls and that's a date', cos I've not been out for 9 years.

    Well I'm playing the Clash which is still as rebellious as when i used to listen to them and see them play 25 years ago. So I'm going to be a little rebel now. Maybe I'll get a mohican again.............

    Loves to you

    Poppyfairyxxx

    You go girl, thats the spirit, get yourself out there and let your hair down, we all need me time and your has been a long time coming and looks like its gonna be the biggest party of the century

  • You can come too Funky? I haven't lost my touch with the gel, hairspray and a bit of back combing!!!

    Thanks for making me smile again.

    Poppyfairyxxx

  • poppy.. funny thing time isn't it.. you can give so much to others, thinking it's a resource which is always available, that you suddenly realise, you've got none left for yourself.

    The moment has come for you to take some of that which is yours by right to enjoy and savour.

    I think though that we must insist on having a pic when you've finished with the hairspray and backcombing:D

  • Thanks Steveh, as ever you say the right things to help. And yes I will send a pic down if we go to the Punk Club!!!

    Biiig Huggs

    Poppyfairyxxx

  • My dearest Boudee

    Thank you sooooooooooooo much and you did make me laugh loads and loads and loads. This was what I was going to speak with you about but it all got out of hand this morning when he started again about the forum so I just got upset. I will think about the toothbrush idea as it has now given me other ideas - he wont change at all never has done in 10 years so as it's all my fault I may as well do things to make it my fault!!!! mmmmmm now where did I put those peas that Matthew shoved up his nose????

    Loves you to bits and thanks for making me laugh such a lot...and for not feeling alone.

    Big hugs

    Poppyfairyxxxx

  • Hey Poppy - more power to you!!!

    I remember my cousin telling me once that if her husband ever dared to tell her she couldn't go out wearing a short skirt, then she would go out wearing a bloody belt!!!

    Or was it, if he dared say she couldn't go out on the weekend, she would go out Friday, Saturday and Sunday!!

    Point is - how dare he tell you what you can and can't do!!!

    Stay strong Pops :D :D

  • *sigh* I did it for 10 years too,

    Just kind of fall into it, then suddenly snap out of it!! 10 years later :rolleyes:

    Some people live it for ever which is kind of sad.

    My bf now wouldn't dare tell me I can't go out!! he's trying to get me out so he has a license to go out!! hehehe

    :p

  • Hiya Buffy

    Feeling better - just played Operation with the kids that's always a good one for visualisation!!!!

    Hope you are ok my little pickle.

    Biiiig Hugggys

    Poppyfairyxxx

  • Just read this one sorry to hear you or having a bad time but i am so happy you did not give in you 2 weeks in now all the hard work is behind you you need to look forward :)

  • hiya poppy

    sorry to hear you've had a rough day! but you'll get through it in the end, (with help from us on here and your BRILL WILLPOWER!)just think all the money you've saved on not buying the fags u can go out, buy yourself a knock out outfit,get glammed up and go out on a big girls night out:D and then come on the forum, tell us all about the great night you had, and rub hubby's nose in it!!:p

    stopping the smoking is bad enough,but to me you're a real inspiration! (honest!! cold turkey!! no i couldn't have done it that way!) i feel like i'm cheating with the champix, cos (i'm not bragging either!) i'm finding it really easy, it's as if i never smoked, and not looked at allan carrs book once, got it out just incase i needed extra support, but i know that comming on here i can get all the extra support i need.........from you guys;)

    be strong poppy~!!! you know you can do this.

    love poskit.xx:cool:

  • Thanks My Whiteboy - and Poskit

    I couldn't have got through without you guys today.

    Big Hugs

    Poppyfairyxxxx

  • Hi poppy,

    Sorry I wasn't about earlier today when you were feeling down, I know what is wrong with hubby, he is jealous coz you are on here and have found some friends who are taking up your time. Of course that means that you have less time to wait on him and pay him attention! Sounds like a great idea that you have a girlie night out, it will do you the world of good. You need to go out and let your hair down sometimes. I was with my ex for 28 years and he never wanted me to go out and enjoy myself, sometimes you have to put yourself first, you can't just give give give all the time, you have a life too!

    Tell him you need to go out and have a break from the reality of being a wife and mum, you deserve it honey.

    Hope your feeling a bit better now,

    Befly x x:D :D

  • Thanks so much Beflyxxx

    Loves you loads cos you always make me smilexxxxxx

    I hope there's a quiz tomorrow and hope to see you there.

    Big Hugs

    Poppyfairyxxx

  • Hi poppy,

    Don't know if I will play if there is a quiz, I might just watch instead.

    I get too stressed with the f5 button and then I want a fag!

    Befly x x:D :D

  • ooooo Befly

    You are the queen of the quiz!!! We can't play without you. I hate the F5 too and I wonder how many times both the laptop and computer will crash.

    Even the computer man who came to fix the computer today cos I broke it a few days ago called me a 'numpty' as I'm so hopeless with all the techy bits'.

    So let us go to the quiz together and if you get stressed with F5 you must tell us so we can have and F5 break and share our booze and nibbles.

    What do you say cos it wouldn't be the same if you weren't in and someone has to try and compete with Funky cos I can't, Shazza's on hols, and judging by last weeks efforts Westy is just gonna go for his game plan of anything goes.

    Big hugs for my Befly

    Poppyfairyxxx

  • Poppy,

    I will try then, I suppose it is a good test of my willpower, I get moaned at coz I get excited and I shout at the laptop and then my son shouts at me!

    It gets worse as the night goes on and the more vodka I drink the more mistakes I make but it is good coz it is my night out and I might not get on here as much when I go back to work next week.

    Big hugs to you poppy,

    Befly x x:D :D

  • Terrible, terrible me!! I am soooo sorry I was not here to catch you while you were falling, but I am here now to pick you up :D

    Hubby's can be sooo cruel when they are jealous of you finding new friends or anything new that takes some of your time away from them. He is so use to you always being there for him every second of everyday and now that you NEED time to yourself to better yourself (health wise), heal yourself, rest yourself, and help yourself, he is freaking out. It sounds as though he is selfish of his own needs and couldn't care less about yours.

    It's okay hun...you are doing the proper thing for you and your children. They will have a healthier Mommy who will live longer and not have to tell the kids that you will play with them in a few minutes due to having to go outside for a smoke before you play.

    Hubby will soon realize that you are not going to give into his childish tantrum of not speaking to you and either give up and become a real man and support what you are doing or he will not give in, stay childish and leave you. In that case...who needs him. If he can not stand by you while you change for the better, I would hate to see what would happen if you became seriously ill (knock wood) and needed him by your side. He would probably be no where in sight. I hope that he soon sees the light and comes to face reality that you are a person too and you deserve to be treated like a 'queen' at least. You raise your children and you seem to be soooo patient at the worst of times. You are fighting with all of your power to quit smoking and you are doing an astonishing job if i say so myself. You never give up trying and fighting your way through each day good or bad. You have given your family your whole life and that is very unhealthy. You need some YOU time in order to continue being sane.

    I have a bone to pick with you!! :mad:

    You are not sleeping properly and I understand that, I am having the same problem but... YOU MUST EAT! You will get very ill if you don't eat. You will be very very weak and unable to function properly. Please eat a small meal everyday and a few small snacks at least. Toast, soup, ice cream, fruit. Anything, anything at all, but please eat something - you must! :(

    Don't ever tell yourself that you are not beautiful because you are a very beautiful person and I don't even know what you look like. Its the inside that counts ~ the outter is just a shell.

    Believe in yourself and believe that you can do anything you put your mind too. You don't need anyone to help you, you can do anything you want to do and you can do it all by yourself (friends along the way are a bonus).

    You are an angel and your children will follow your footsteps ;) Earth would be a happier place if we had more people like you on it!

    Smile Poppy ~ someone cares, even if you think they don't! When you think you are alone...just remember, you aren't!

    175

  • Good Morning Poppy,

    I see you are online! I hope you had a great sleep! What are you havin' for breakfast? :rolleyes:

  • Not all men are bad. There are some nice ones like me about.

  • Ooooo NS4M!!!

    I'm so pleased you're here coz I wanted to thank you for your post - it made me cry babes.

    My hubby has never coped with things at all - he is vey selfish. I have a condition called Chronic Pancreatitus and once I collapsed and he walked out saying he couldn't cope with it. Things like that have happened several times. I think he may have a touch of what the kids have but I can't look after 3 of them.

    Anyway you're so lovely and to have this chance to talk to my mate is no bad thing. Well not eating breakfast yet - still too early will have with the kids when they wake up. But listening to my music and drinking orange juice. I slept 3 hours and then 2 more were tossing and turning all the time and looking at clock. So got up at 4.45am.

    So what are you doing sweety? Are you ok?

    Biiig Huggs for my Buddy

    Poppyfairyxxx

  • West Ham you may be a nice, top, funny geezer but you are still a traitor to THE SISTERS OF FRIENDS!!!!!

    He he he

    Biiig Huggles

    Poppyfairyxxx

  • Sorry Poppy,

    I saw that you were online but when i finished posting you were off again so I just signed out and went to bed. The last two nights sleeps have been amazing. I am doing ok, thanks for asking. Taking care of three of them would consume all of your time and would drive you to drink lol. Take it easy and take care of yourself. ;)

  • Hello my lovely NS4M

    How's you sweety? Woke up at 5 again after going to be very late cos on here getting tipsy with Funky, Westy, Choco, Buffy and Befly in quiz. I'm so tired I might just pop up to bed again to see if I can get anymore sleep.

    Bad Bad day yesterday again but hopefully today will be brighter.

    Hope all is well at your end.

    Loads of hugs and love

    Poppyfairyxxxx

  • Hope you had a great nap. Catch you later tonight my time and early morning yours :D Have a nice day!

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