Remembering your donor.

[Ziggydoodah]

I am live on the transplant list. I was just wondering what members have done to honor or remember their amazing donors? Did you write a letter to their family? Do you have a special piece of jewellery with the date, you received your new kidney? Or do you silently thank them everyday and live the best dam life possible.

[Jamok]

Hi Z,

I think it is a personal experience for everyone and all of the above sounds wonderful!

I am nearing 9 months with my new kidney. I wrote a letter of gratitude with an option to connect to my little kidney bean’s family. Gift of Hope delivered it via email a couple of weeks ago but I haven’t heard back as of yet. Since I received my kidney from a 9 yr old who died in an explosion, and there was a house fire/explosion involving a family with kids in the news about a week before my transplant, I am pretty confident who my kidney came from. This sounds strange, but I think knowing this has helped me and my body with accepting her. I talk to her and thank her all the time as if she’s my baby in the womb. I celebrated her 10th birthday with cupcakes and my husband and I sang happy birthday. I really feel her presence with me. I know this all sounds pretty woo woo but a part of her did not die. She is still alive inside of me. I think acknowledging this not only on a physical level but also on an emotional and even spiritual one helps with acceptance. And yeah I’m gonna live the best Damn life I can to honor her!

By the way, Tiffany’s has a little gold kidney bean necklace. I received one from my husband.

Take care,

J

[Ziggydoodah in reply to Jamok]

Oh Jamok that had me in tears. What a lovely way to keep her memory alive. You were very lucky to have received such a precious gift, from one so young. However I can't help but think, she chose you. You sound such a lovely person, I'm sure she knew you would care for it and respect and love it. It is almost like you are her kidney mother. Wishing you and your little bean, lots of happy times and good health xx

[Bax509 in reply to Jamok]

Bittersweet story and a lovely way to remember & honor her. Just wanted to point out there is at least one creator on Etsy.com who focuses on kidney transplant items. I purchased a silver "kidney" charm on a key chain for my donor (live of course) on our 1st year anniversary.

[LibraEmpath]

I place my hands over my transplant incision & tell her how much I’m grateful for her. I thank her for giving me life again. Immediately after waking up from my transplant surgery I gently placed my hand over her & repeated “Kate I’m so grateful for you “. Through the donor program I received a letter from her family.. her name was Kate! There’s a lot more to the story, but through the transplant I received her spirit , her spiritual gifts and so much more. This is only my experience & my way of honoring Kate & her sacrifice.

[Ziggydoodah in reply to LibraEmpath]

Thank you so much for replying LibraEmpath. Like Jamok you have a very strong bond with your amazing donor. I am fascinated by both your replies and the fact you both feel something spiritual. I am a huge believer in the afterlife etc. I recognise you have posted something deeply personal but I am extremely grateful. Wishing you all the best xx

[LibraEmpath in reply to Ziggydoodah]

You’re so sweet. Yes, I definitely feel that it’s a spiritual experience. Although I will say this , and this is only my opinion.. Start manifesting your kidney transplant , day dream about it, begin to affirm your transplant.

Ex: “I’m so happy & grateful for my kidney transplant. Grateful for the life placed within my body .”

[Ziggydoodah in reply to LibraEmpath]

I will. Thank you for the excellent advice. I'm already planning things I want to do. It already feels as if I will living life for both me and my donor. Take care x

[PuggyWuggy]

I wrote a letter to the family of my (deceased) kidney and pancreas donor a few years after my transplant, but I honor the donor by taking the very best possible care of myself that I can. I feel that as long as I am alive, he too, is alive in a way.

[Ziggydoodah in reply to PuggyWuggy]

Yes I agree Puggy. You have been given the gift of life. Its only right, people respect and care for that special gift. Yes that's the way I see it. A part of them is still alive. So live the best life possible. Thank you for sharing your experience. By the way are you a pug owner?

[PuggyWuggy in reply to Ziggydoodah]

Hi Ziggy..., My first two dogs were both pugs. My third is a chihuahua/pug (now 17 years old!) My fourth, who passed 2 years ago from epilepsy, was a pug. I now have a Chi/min pin/dachshund mix along with the 17 year old. Great name by the way!

[Ziggydoodah in reply to PuggyWuggy]

A chihuahua/pug I can't even imagine how cute that little one was 🥰🥰..We looked after a pug when it's owner was on holiday. We did that for 5 years, then last Christmas I received a text. He was too old and too much effort. They didn't want him back. He has been with us since. Up at 6am for freezing cold morning walks and we adore everything about him. He is called Ziggy and our pet name for him is Ziggydoodah 😁😁😁. Nice to know you are a big dog lover too. Take care x

[PuggyWuggy in reply to Ziggydoodah]

I hate when people give up their pets because they ar "too old"! Bless you for taking him. Congrats on getting on the transplant list! 👍 I hope you won't have to wait too long. Good Luck!! 🫰😀

[LavenderRabbit in reply to Ziggydoodah]

There is something wrong with a person who could have a dog for that long and then give it up because it is old.

[Ziggydoodah in reply to LavenderRabbit]

I agree LavenderRabbit. He is such a gentle little soul but their loss is our gain. He is loved and gets loads of attention, something he wasn't getting in his old home x

[WYOAnne NKF Ambassador]

Within a couple of months of my transplant I did send a letter of Thanks to my donor's family. She sent me a letter back and included a picture of her son, Ryan, who was my 16 year old deceased donor. I am a volunteer and public speaker with the Donor Alliance of WY/CO. When I speak, the picture of Ryan comes along. So when I talk about my HERO, I show the picture. For me it was important to meet Ryan's parents. In 2020, I was able to meet them. It was very emotional, as you can imagine. My transplant was in 1999, so I have stayed in touch with them. sending postcards from our trips we have taken. I have always let them know how well I am doing, thanks to Ryan

[Ziggydoodah in reply to WYOAnne]

Wow Anne that must be amazing to have that connection and to have an actual.photograph. You are doing such valuable work. You have build up such a beautiful relationship. I'm sure you have brought a lot of comfort to Ryan's parents. Love the postcards being sent from different locations. Keep up the great work and take care xx

[LeslieK]

live the best damn life!

[Ziggydoodah in reply to LeslieK]

100% agree Leslie xx

[Darlenia]

My hubby's donor was deceased for a while before being found (kidneys can survive for a fair number of hours) and also had a fungal condition, etc. We think he had no fixed address. But we are eternally grateful for his gift. And we celebrate the life he allowed my hubby to have. Not a day goes by without us remembering him.

[Ziggydoodah in reply to Darlenia]

I did not know that about the kidneys Darlenia. No matter how the donor died, he gave the ultimate gift to your husband. I'm glad you both remember him. You are good people and appreciate what you have been given. Take care xx

[WYOAnne NKF Ambassador in reply to Darlenia]

You can contact your husband's transplant center, and they can forward your letter of thanks to your donor's family. Then it is up to them if they want to contact you. For me, my donor family responded to me within 3 weeks of my letter of thanks. Now I can send a card, email or even text Ryan's Mom.

[Jayhawker]

I, too, sent a letter to my deceased donor’s family. My donor was about 40 years of age. It was an unexpected death and happened about a week before Thanksgiving. I sent my first letter to my donor’s family last Thanksgiving, about a week after the surgery, and sent a second letter last week on Thanksgiving. I’ll do that annually for the rest of my life. I also thank God on a daily basis for Cindy, my kidney.

The other thing I began this year is sending a thank you baked goods basket to the surgical floor of the hospital. They did such an amazing job! While they are great with kidney and liver transplants, they are quite well known for their heart transplants. They not only know what they’re doing but work seamlessly as a team, including the nurses aides, to provide excellent medical care. So, they are also always in my thoughts and prayers.

Jayhawker

[Ziggydoodah in reply to Jayhawker]

Such a nice gesture Jayhawker. I always remember a boy, I went to school with, died in a bad car accident in 1988. One of his friends sent flowers on the anniversary to his mother. He is still doing it. His mum said she knows someone is still thinking of her son, even when others don't remember. Yes I agree regarding the medical staff too. All the best to you and Cindy xx

[ShyeLoverDoctor]

I was transplanted June 11. The hospital would only tell me “it was a younger donor.” It took me until mid September to write (I just didn’t know what to say even though I was given examples) a letter expressing my sympathy and how grateful I was and how much it meant to my friends and family as well and that I would love to hear back from them but understood if they didn’t want to get in touch. Nothing in response. I live in the US (maybe not everyone reading this does) so when Thanksgiving came around, I sent them another letter saying I was thinking of them and again my sympathy and saying how hard I imagined it must be to have this holiday without their loved one. I will maybe send a holiday card but I will ask my transplant coordinator first if she thinks it’s OK. I don’t want to be sending them letters if it is upsetting to them, etc. THey said we can write as many letters as we want but if it’s not welcome, I don’t want to be bothering them.

[Panda9122021]

I am new to this group, so just saw your post. My transplant was from a deceased relative. Of course, I express my gratitude to his family often. I know they received a letter from one other organ recipient and it touched their hearts to the point that they framed the letter and put it with their memorials of their son. I think they would love to hear from the person again to see how the person is doing, and also to hear from others who received gifts of life. It helps with their grieving to know something good came from their loss. I hope you will send a kind word when the time comes.