I'm going through the process to do a non directed donation. I'm healthy, 37, sufficiently financially secure to miss a few weeks of work. I have 2 preteen kids.
My husband doesn't see the need to do this, because it will be added stress for us. Which it obviously will be, but its such a big difference for someone else.
How did you talk to your spouse about donating?
No question this is an uncomfortable discussion to have with your spouse. My donation (9 years ago) was to a family member so the "need" was more apparent to everyone involved. I would imagine that your spouse is just worried about your well-being during the surgery and thereafter. I was fortunate in that I personally knew a few women who had donated kidneys a few years before me and so I had each one join my wife and me for dinner to share their donation journey directly with my wife. It seemed to help but she remained very nervous throughout the process. Bottom line: information is key so I would recommend providing your husband with as much detail that you can about the process. He and you should rest comfortably knowing that the transplant center will not proceed with your donation if they have ANY concern over your health post surgery. I hope this helps. Thank you for your willingness to provide the Gift of Life.
Have you had any pain since giving? And if so. How often?
Thank you
Dear PeaceToall, the only pain that I experienced was for the few days after surgery but the hospital kept the pain tolerable. I was off of all pain medication 5 days after surgery. I did take Tylenol Extra Strength for a week longer. I am 62 years old and have no side effects. I lift weights and ride bikes and feel no different after surgery than before. I hope this helps. Best wishes to you.
Also there is a lot of good information about the donation process on the National Kidney Foundation's website.......... kidney.org/transplantation/...
Hopefully this will help your husband to become more comfortable.
Have him watch Lori Palatnik's video - "Why I Donated My Kidney to a Stranger" - youtube.com/watch?time_cont...
You are doing a wonderful thing for someone else! I hope you are able to do it on your terms.
I donated to my co-workers Mom almost 4 years ago. My wife was very hesitant about the whole thing and she kept reminding me to think about our two kids who were age 5 and 2 at the time. It was definitely a process and she came around when we got to meet my recipient and got to know her as a Mom, Grandmother, wife, sister, etc. It was then that my wife supported my decision. Although it didn't stop her from worrying but at least she was supportive and appreciated what I was doing and why I was doing it. At the end of the day you're just trying to help another human being.
Whenever I got negative reactions from family members I would ask them to put themselves in the other persons shoes. If they needed a kidney I'm sure they would not mind receiving it from a family member, friend, stranger, etc.
I hope this helps.
Hello,
Have you had any problems since giving?
Im 63 and thinking about giving to someone who is 70.
Thank you
I have not had any issues at all after donating. I am turning 40 next month and my recipient is 70.
I was a non-directed donor as well. My wife was never on-board with this completely, even now (4 years later). Her reservations stopped the donation process in its tracks, until we went to therapy. She came to acknowledge that I should be in charge of what I do with my body, as she should be in charge of what she does to hers. That was enough for the psychologist to give me an 'all-clear' to the transplant team, and things proceeded from there. Her fears were: how would being under general anesthesia affect me? What would be the short-term and long-term consequences to my health? So, these were reasonable fears, but eventually she relented. One of the issues for her was that this was never a joint decision--it was more like, 'I have decided to do this, regardless of how you feel about it.' Good luck!
Ive had 3 surgeries already so being under is no concern. I’m thinking about donating to a 70 year old( I’m 63). She is fabulous and an asset to the community. My main concern is needing assurance that life will be fine after. I read here that some have had pain much time after the operation. Have you had any?
Thank you
Ive asked my wife and she says okay but is concerned about future denial of medical coverage. I see here that some have had continuous pain but I assume that’s not the norm? All I’ve read says we can live our life as before but I have a little trepidation but as you say, it saves a life.
There is so much that is individual re: recovery from this operation, so I will tell you my experience, with the caveat that there are other experiences. I was able to leave the hospital the next day. I was walking very soon (within hours) after the surgery was completed. I took a total of 3 opiates in my recovery time, but I did use extra-strength tylenol a few times in addition. I was able to get back to work full-time in three weeks without difficulty-perhaps I could have gone back to my desk job part time earlier. Having one kidney has made me even more vigilant about my health habits--I exercise daily, I adhere to a plant-based diet, I watch my level of stress, I sleep well, I have a good circle of friends. I have not heard one story about medical care denial because of this. Again, however, this is my experience, and I think what is normal is: people tend to spend 2 or three days in the hospital, most people have very little pain and report they are back to normal with a short period of time--so, there are exceptions...I think how you are physically before you go to surgery will play a large part in how you recover. I also think that you must have confidence in your surgeon--how many operations have they performed? One last thing: the most bothersome (but expected) part of recovery was constipation (due to opiates), but this was easily fixed with use of a laxative. Hope this is helpful and best wishes!
As a guy I have to say your husband is totally right you don't have to do this. As a donor myself since you have considered doing this you really need and want to donate. Please check out this video by Abigail Marsh who studies rare populations of people. youtube.com/watch?v=uq6T6TAu74 I think you and your spouse will find out a lot about yourself. I was lucky. My wife and I are both volunteers and also serve the community as elected officials so when I mentioned I wanted to help someone I didn't really know it was very hard to argue against saving a life. There was the usual concern and the "what ifs" but a year out my spouse thinks it was actually a "pretty cool" thing I did for someone. I still don't know about the person who actually has my body part but the person I did it for I will see next week at a picnic and she's glad to be alive. As for concerns, there are plenty especially at your young age and they have to do with lifestyle and diet. The honest doctors will tell you what most people don't want to hear. You need to exercise, you need to absolutely lose the salt and most if not all animal proteins. Lots of fruits and veggies. Best wishes for your journey.
Thank you all! I go on the 10th to talk to all the Drs and get final approval. I have sent him all your links and the video (which I loved!!). He seems to have come to terms with it. We'll see how he feels as it becomes more 'real.'
We had a good talk about this last night.... in response to his sister telling me she thought i was 'supremely selfish to do this to my family.' which hurt. I have actually gotten a lot of negative feedback. what the heck is wrong with people?
On Thursday I'll be asking for solid numbers on complications with the donation process, which i know are possible, but seriously. supremely selfish? I wish I could Men in Black zap that 10 minute conversation from my mind. I've replayed it nonstop since she said it.
I think most of us have had the same experience. I too had a hard time with the negative comments from people especially from the ones I wouldn't have expected so I stop mentioning what I was doing. Once you donate those very same negative people (the real selfish ones) will tell you how great you are. I can't figure this out at all but it really made me angry to hear people ask "why do it " when all another person wants to do is live. Some people can't get beyond "what in it for me" state of mind. You're a role model something your family will come to appreciate.
Lauren, this is wonderful. A politician here in my state is also doing a altruistic donor. 10 years ago her best friend needed one. The friends mom stepped up to donate so she(politician) didn't ever do it. Now 10 yrs later she wants to. Also, she is hoping the media will encourage others to. As I said prior, its a high success rate procedure. Thanks for your generosity. My husband is near getting a paired exchange. His aunt is just finishing testing. Its exciting and nerve wracking. Do you know by the time they get to the hospital day testing, is it a high probability that they will cross the finish line and be cleared to donate?
At the time I donated, I was single. But, I had the stress of telling my family, which I thought would really send them over the edge because I thought they would not be supportive. I found that be being extremely transparent helped. I created a folder and put every bit of information I could find on kidney donation and gave it to my mother. Facts, data, stories (both good and bad) scientific research and figures from UNOS, etc... By supplying her with all this info, she really had no leg to give me pushback. All her concerns could be answered in that folder. Perhaps ask your husband to give you a list of specific questions and concerns he has, then sit down with him and give him your answers? Transparency helps alleviate fears. Good luck!
Dear Lauren-
While the decision to donate is deeply personal, it will impact the family dynamic in many ways. Fear was a driver in my situation. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the impact on my health.
My bride, who is a nurse, was amazing in my donation. Don't get me wrong. I was tired, grumpy and a general pain in the butt the first 3 days but that's my general disposition when I don't feel well.
30 days post op, I was back playing competitive soccer. The unexpected emotions and feelings I experienced post op when I saw my friend 8 hours post op after my first walk was an experience I will never forget. It made it all worthwhile.
If you husband has any questions, have him contact me.
Cheers-
Bless your hearth!
Donating in 3 weeks!!
Donated a kidney 3 days ago
New to altruistic kidney donation
Considering living kidney donation
Eplet matching and donation
