the sadness of infertility

[MissMakhu]

Its December people are happy to go home and see family but not me . still not pregnant still don't have a baby and my partner and I been together for 4 years. my in-laws always send hits when they calling us its time to have a grandchild but well am not getting pregnant . my last gynaecologist appointment was a horror story, Flora clinic it was a Nigerian Doctor he just shoved his big hand and told me I had cyst and he was most interested in my profession than my vagina I had medical aid and it paid him fully, same day I ended up in emergency room my body was shaking cold and my heart beat was going crazy I had every nurse in that emergency room attending me from there am scared of gynaecologist. I want a baby but I know something down there is not right am not falling pregnant and on top of it I have depression and anxiety attacks. question am I having a baby for me or for people to shut the heck up? I get sad when I see pregnant women and my best friend just had thee most beautiful baby girl

[Hidden]

Oh that sounds like a horrible experience. So sorry to hear you are going through this. Is there no clinic you can go to where they would do a full fertility mot? First and foremost you need to find out what is happening. Are you ovulating regularly? How long is your luteal phase? When are you trying? What is your amh, tsh etc? Wishing you all the best xxx

[MissMakhu in reply to Hidden]

well I have made few gynaecologist appointment and cancel them cause of fear, I go for my periods every month but they not regular and they very painful . I have miss few days at work cause of them.

[Hidden in reply to MissMakhu]

The best and only thing you can do is to keep your appointment with the gynaecologist. They may check also for endometriosis. If you are having irregular and painful periods then you have to seen them anyway? Please do go xxx

[MissMakhu in reply to Hidden]

Thanks I will definitely go I have no choice, thanks for the encouragement xxx

[Hidden in reply to MissMakhu]

Maybe you could speak separately with your doctor about your anxiety? You need to try to deal with that. Especially as your quest for a baby continues . Big hugs lovely - you can do this xxx

[MissMakhu in reply to Hidden]

thank you soo much , am on depression and anxiety medication .

[Hidden in reply to MissMakhu]

You are doing so well and will get lots of support here too. Ask any questions about tests or procedures that are suggested and someone here will be able to give you honest account of what happens. Hopefully that will alleviate some of the anxiety. Also, have you tried yoga and mindfulness? These can be really powerful xx

[MissMakhu in reply to Hidden]

I have started quite prayer I have been reading How to be happy in unhappy world by Marie Chapian so helping me a lot. just now the fear of going home and being mocked of being childless. I wish people understand God bless us with babies we don't have the power. thank you soo much for being here for me. I was really sad

[Hidden in reply to MissMakhu]

People mocking you for being childless are not very kind people. No wonder you have anxiety. I would expect my family to be supportive, not mocking. Perhaps if you explain how you are feeling they will behave more appropriately with you and offer support rather than ridicule. Xx

[MissMakhu in reply to Hidden]

Hi Camillage

awww is sad, I decided last weekend I had a horror weekend depression took control over me and I wanted to end it but thank God he woke me from the darkest places I was in . I decided I will spend xmas by myself and taking care of myself and finding out what makes me happy. planned few things to do and am buying essential oils and a good self help book , maybe I will cook cause cooking makes me calm. thank you for always replying I feel much better.

[Hidden in reply to MissMakhu]

Oh MissMakhu, you must never give up. You have life for a reason and one day you will be a mother however which way life has planned for you. Big hugs lovely xxx

[Rach2022]

Hi miss makhu,

How long have you guys been trying for? You said the doctor was really interested in your profession - is it relevant? What do you do?

On another note, you asked if you are trying for a baby for you or to shut people up and mentioned issues with depression and anxiety... having a baby is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, far far harder than I realised before he arrived. Pregnancy and childbirth/post-partum period put you through a wringer physically, emotionally and mentally and if you have existing problems can be very challenging. I would make sure you know the answer to the question of who you’re doing this for before you get pregnant, just for your own sanity. Once you are going through all the challenges of motherhood it’s nice to know that you are working and struggling for your own goal.

How do the in laws ask about grandchildren? Is it jokingly or deadly serious! How old are you guys? It may sound silly but they are probably doing it half out of habit... maybe if your partner asked them to stop, they would? We had a lot of that from my parents before we had the baby and it’s a bit irking but more of a hassle than anything. Definitely definitely don’t have a baby purely because of pressure.

Lastly, how does your partner feel in all this? I don’t know where you’re based but in the UK you can get a sperm testing kit for about £25 and check if the swimmers are swimming! If he’s concerned too and willing to help out it might be a good first step if you haven’t done that already as it’s not invasive at all and good to be able to cross that off the list of possible issues. I know you say you just know there’s something wrong with you but as a hyperchondriac myself I have to wonder how you know? Are you sure there’s something wrong? Back to the question above of how long you’ve been trying as that would be an indicator. Having a cyst or two on your ovaries is totally and 100% normal. I definitely have a couple and we got pregnant surprisingly easily. I’m guessing that was all the doctor said in terms of your fertility and unless they’re polycystic (which I’m sure you would have mentioned) it’s not an issue... I suppose what I’m saying is I’m assuming your partner hasn’t been tested and you’ve had one invasive experience that you didn’t enjoy already. Probably time for him to check his stuff is working before you go any further with your own.

Good luck and merry Christmas!

[MissMakhu in reply to Rach2022]

Hi Rach2022

wow soo many questions there but very relevant and I ask myself everyday, African parents they can make you feel less of a woman if you don't have kids, it doesn't even matter to them if you can afford them . I have seen many women who have kids just because! its sad that is why we have soo many kids sleeping hungry its the pressure of the environment women live around, for me to prove am worthy as a women I must have kids. Yes I do want to have a mini me in future I still want to focus on my studies and career. Am 28 and I have not done a lot with my life cause of black tax( need to take care of family ) Yes my partner have never went and check his sperms but I will advice him to do that. Yes I also have fear of what if I get pregnant and my depression and anxiety go crazy on me already I have been through a lot.

wow the is soo much to think off not forgetting our unstable economy.

thank you soo much I have a lot to think off and decide on

happy xmas and prosperity on the new year

[Hidden]

Dear MissMakhu ,

I am so sorry to read all what you have been through.

At HealthUnlocked, we have some great, supportive and caring communities that can give you some light on what to do next. You can find them here: healthunlocked.com/search/c...

I wish you all the best