I've recently lost my best friend, a person I so admired and deeply loved. I saw them get eaten away with that ugly a hateful terminal disease called cancer. They cried out loud because of pain and for help while I tried everything to save thier life. I prayed out loud, in my head, in the kitchen, while driving, taking a shower and in my dreams while I took short un restful but attentive them naps. Their death was also a filter of so called friends and loved ones, every single one of them turned their backs on me and them. I cared for them 24-7, no friends, no family, no husband; during and after their death; they were the only person I had, I was there for them, I lived for them, I smiled for them, I worked for them, I breathed for them, they did all that for me first you see, undoubtably.
You see, I want them to see , I wanted them to guide me, I wanted them to be, to be a great mother with me. I've lost my guide, my soul, my heart beat, my eyes to see. I've lost my only angel, my only guardian angel, I've lost my Beautiful Mother like a beautiful bird in fruitful green leafy tree.
No one is here for me, my moms sweet spirit probably could be but I can't see or hear her and my sadness and emptiness maybe won't let me feel her.
I'm a first time mom, full of questions, full of doubts. Feeling lost, feeling incapable, feeling less, the more less I ever felt.
I have a tiny miracle, a seed growing within in me. Scared of not having my moms vast knowledge I turn to thee...
I turn you guys, mums, mommys, moms that are and are to be. I turn thee with my sad but hopeful attempt of poem to be. Hoping that the gift within you, the gift and miracle growing in your bellys, the love in your hearts, the love of a trillion of you equals to the love my mom gave me.
I post and share my thoughts, my questions, my experiences with you. And in turn I leave my soul open to you and the universe hoping for help, for advice, or a kind, "Hey! Hi! Let me share what's going on with me."
Thank you for posting ladies, it's very kind and most helpful indeed. I'm new to this community. Would you please welcome me. Please help me be the best mommy I can be, exactly like my mommy and you mommies to be.
Be Well <3