Feeling really low today, My OH is in the Army and away all week and some weekends, I still live at home with my mum which to me is a good thing as she is my absolute rock, When we started trying i was nervous about our situation but my OH said we could live together off the base if needs be, and up to now he has been so excited, this has since changed and he seems to have given up on finding us anywhere to live together and im staying at home for the forseable future, at least i am surrounded by a strong family unit and his family, so every cloud i suppose......
I am absolutely exhausted and was considering bringing my maternity leave forward, however my other half is very keen on me working as late as possible so i get longer with the baby so his encouraging words are "you can do it babe, i believe in you" He is very relaxed about things getting done and it really frustrates me i am im coming upto 27 weeks and there is still so much to so, especially what will eventually be our little mans room, this was previously a storage room so has taken a lot of sorting, i have done all i can in the room and made really good progress on it, but its the heavy things now and i cant do it, my OH keeps saying he will do it and he just simply doesnt, We agreed he was going to have the first week off of my maternity leave and we can do all the last minute things that need doing.
Anyway, now he is based hes been told i can go and stay at weekends so to save him a trip and i really want to go before i get too big to travel 4 hours on my own and as i really want to see where he is living and working, so i confirmed with my boss i can leave early next friday and i will go and see him.
I text him last night to make sure it was still ok, and he text back that he was sorry but he is off for 2 weeks at the end of July as he is so exhausted and needs some time off, everyone gets like that i completely understand but to tell me i have to carry on plodding on and then he does it anyway and basically everytime i arrange to go and see him there is an excuse last minute for me not to go, also these 2 weeks are instead of the week at the beginning of my maternity leave, he tried to follow it up with "i get some quality time with you" which i know is sweet and im not being ungreatful but i will be in work everyday so i think that is just an excuse, tbh i usually wake up to a text from him first thing i have heard nothing today i think he maybe feeling the same as me and i actually feel at the moment we would be better off not being together, my priority is my little man, and i will always remain friendly with his Dad as we have actually known each other 14 years but i cant get the thought out of my head that its just the fun stuff about being a parent that he is thinking about, and i really dont matter to him much anymore.
The last text he sent was really strange aswell, so ive been lying awake all night thinking about things which makes it worst, i made a joke about marriage at the weekend and he looked at me horrified and said "i dont want to rush things" erm excuse me we have already made the biggest commitment ever. And also now as i have been awake all night i feel terrible not to mention i think i may have caught a bug as i feel sick and suffering from the other end aswell (sorry TMI)
Sorry to moan on, especially since in a blog last week i was singing his praises but was just wondering if this is a normal thing men go through when their partners are pregnant, or am i being over sensitive, also if anyone has any suggestions
Sorry for the long boring blog
x x x