Moaning on yet again................ I adore my other half but enough is enough

Hello,

Feeling really low today, My OH is in the Army and away all week and some weekends, I still live at home with my mum which to me is a good thing as she is my absolute rock, When we started trying i was nervous about our situation but my OH said we could live together off the base if needs be, and up to now he has been so excited, this has since changed and he seems to have given up on finding us anywhere to live together and im staying at home for the forseable future, at least i am surrounded by a strong family unit and his family, so every cloud i suppose......

I am absolutely exhausted and was considering bringing my maternity leave forward, however my other half is very keen on me working as late as possible so i get longer with the baby so his encouraging words are "you can do it babe, i believe in you" He is very relaxed about things getting done and it really frustrates me i am im coming upto 27 weeks and there is still so much to so, especially what will eventually be our little mans room, this was previously a storage room so has taken a lot of sorting, i have done all i can in the room and made really good progress on it, but its the heavy things now and i cant do it, my OH keeps saying he will do it and he just simply doesnt, We agreed he was going to have the first week off of my maternity leave and we can do all the last minute things that need doing.

Anyway, now he is based hes been told i can go and stay at weekends so to save him a trip and i really want to go before i get too big to travel 4 hours on my own and as i really want to see where he is living and working, so i confirmed with my boss i can leave early next friday and i will go and see him.

I text him last night to make sure it was still ok, and he text back that he was sorry but he is off for 2 weeks at the end of July as he is so exhausted and needs some time off, everyone gets like that i completely understand but to tell me i have to carry on plodding on and then he does it anyway and basically everytime i arrange to go and see him there is an excuse last minute for me not to go, also these 2 weeks are instead of the week at the beginning of my maternity leave, he tried to follow it up with "i get some quality time with you" which i know is sweet and im not being ungreatful but i will be in work everyday so i think that is just an excuse, tbh i usually wake up to a text from him first thing i have heard nothing today i think he maybe feeling the same as me and i actually feel at the moment we would be better off not being together, my priority is my little man, and i will always remain friendly with his Dad as we have actually known each other 14 years but i cant get the thought out of my head that its just the fun stuff about being a parent that he is thinking about, and i really dont matter to him much anymore.

The last text he sent was really strange aswell, so ive been lying awake all night thinking about things which makes it worst, i made a joke about marriage at the weekend and he looked at me horrified and said "i dont want to rush things" erm excuse me we have already made the biggest commitment ever. And also now as i have been awake all night i feel terrible not to mention i think i may have caught a bug as i feel sick and suffering from the other end aswell (sorry TMI)

Sorry to moan on, especially since in a blog last week i was singing his praises but was just wondering if this is a normal thing men go through when their partners are pregnant, or am i being over sensitive, also if anyone has any suggestions

Sorry for the long boring blog

x x x

8 Replies

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  • I don't think u are in the wrong I think he needs to man up and accept his responsibilities. ..ie supposed to be having this baby together but it doesn't sound like it... it sounds like he is trying keep his life and his life with u seperate, well sorry mate toughu should say it's all or nothing. ..u can't run away from things, u

    n need to have a serious chat with him and tell him

    straight. .. don't let him tell u how things are going to be u need take a stand... all him what his intentions are and then at leastu know whereu stand and u can make a decision hanging on to him waiting for him to c make the effort is going to be really hard and upsetting for u cos to me it doesn't sound like he is making much effort at all and ur be better off on ur own at least ur know where u are with ur self. . Give him the chance to sort himself out,have a chat and then stand back and watch his actions and if he still is acting this way then I'm sorry but across speak a thousand words. .. sorry I've been whereu have and it makes me so mad these bloody men carry on the way they do cos they think u need them so they can treat u how they want er no u deserve to be treated with love and respect xx Sorry if text is all over the place my bloody phone! ...u have to be strong for ur little one x

  • what you have written is basically what my best friend said to my face last night, and the more and more i think about it the more im starting to realise i think its just going to be me and my little man in the future as heartbreaking as it sounds i really do love him but i seem to be spending most of my time worrying about what hes thinking and i should be focused on the other man in my life.

    Thankyou for your comment, after receiving advice and guidence from you before i really value your opinion

    x x x

  • Thing is ur spend so much energy on trying to make things work with him it will drain you..he should be the one puttin in effort, I'd stop texting him now and wait for him to contact you and when he does tell him straight that ur main focus is the baby and it should be his but if its not then don't waste your time... I learnt this lesson years after I should have and wasted too much time and energy and it is sad and hard but out the other side u feel so much bloody better glad you have good family and friends your be fine always here xx

  • God, I bet your head is all over the place. I don't understand men I really don't.

    It is like he is just trying to keep everything separate. If he really wanted to spend time with you he should be moving heaven & earth to spend even a few hours with you.

    If I was you and this is only in my opinion if I was in your shoes I would stop texting/calling him and see what happens and let him make the next move so you are not chasing after him all the time, he should want to know how you/baby are etc. if he is decent and caring enough.

  • Thankyou for your comments ladies think im gonna take the advice you both put forward and stop chasing after him and stop the texts ect i would like to hope he will realise he is very close to loosing what we have and what we could have and that gives him a kick up the bum

    My main focus now and always will be is my little baby :)

    x x x

  • Not boring at all, and you are entitled to feel a bit grumpy I reckon. Those OHs are not very good at making you feel loved sometimes when you most need it. Or at least mine is. Any overt expression of positive emotion dried up after the first year, but he has his funny little ways of showing he cares. You just have to look for them!

    You need to get tons of sleep, it definitely keeps the hormonal emotions at bay. Easier said than done, I know... I was never a good sleeper and am prone to the 4am cogitation. Never helpful as your thought patterns tend to be circular and overly depressive. I've taken to listening to radio 4 dramas to block out the inner monologue - how terribly Middle Aged!

    You know your other half and this may not be right for hjm, but if he's like my one I reckon try to use the weekend to sleep sleep sleep, don't put any pressure on yourself to get things done, just pamper yourself. If you still feel the same way then talk to him again about mat leave the other side of a good kip, not when you are feeling all fraught or it could all come tumbling out in the wrong way.

    And i wouldn't get into a marriage conversation other than to say I was bloody joking, as he's got a lot to deal with already becoming a dad without adding more pressure.

    Look after yourself. Hope you get some sleep and feel better! Xxx

  • Thankyou, and the idea of sleep, sleep, sleep sounds amazing at the moment :), maybe i will try talking to him face to face next time i see him as i think sometimes it comes out wrong on a text

    x x x

  • Hell yes, my texts do anyway! Hope you feel better and he pulls his head out of his ar$e, if you'll pardon my French.

    xxx

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