endless TN & soft bowel & just want to die

[ekelks]

So sick of this. Putting papers together for new neuro tomorrow, throwing out stuff, discover 3 giant boxes of the wrong kind of underwear, giant diapers, in living room. my 95 year old dad found them stacked in front of door last night, blocking entrance, i could kill these idiots. so dangerous. plus wrong item. now cannot maneuver scooter to go see new neuro tomorrow. lost my city Access a ride transport car, in my room, haven't showered or gone out in months re TN & gabapentin. Considering cutting throat with box cutter razor blade in a week or so, when someone is here, so my dad won't be alone suffering the shock.

Really know cannot do that to him, was going to wait till the inevitable happens, but really have had it. Just keep thinking about it.

Emailedcare navigator about the error. Left message with answering service equipment company.

Left numerous messages with city transport agency.

Weekend. No one's there. Of course no one is there.

Thanks for reading outburst.

[NorasMom]

I am so sorry. Hopefully your neuro can provide you with a bit of emotional support while you're there. Keep us posted.

[BettysMom]

It sounds like you need a caregiver.

[CatsandCars]

I'm very sorry that you're being pushed to the edge of your endurance. I hear you. And I pray that somehow, things will get better for you. 🙏

[goatgal]

Call both MSAA and NMSS in your region. They may be able to give you resources that will be responsive. And when you feel as desperately hopeless and think of self harm, please, please call the national suicide hot line. Someone will be there to listen because a voice in the darkness always brings a little light into the heart. I hold you in that light.

[Brindisi1]

Prayers for light in your life and some help. Does your dr have social worker or can someone from church help? Sounds like you need hug too

[falalalala]

🙏🙏

[Robsmom]

Breathe! It's always darkest before the dawn. It sounds like you need respite care as well. There are so many resources for you. Yes, please reach out to MSAA, NMSS, Senior Services for your dad, and definitely the social worker at your doctor's office. We'll keep you in prayer and if you need to vent, we're here.

[Tazmanian]

🙏🙏

[ekelks]

Thank you all. Saw new neuro today, scooted there, got some fresh air, and she sent scrips for neurontin 300 + 100 to pharmcy without question, even said it's common in MS patients, just is trying to get me to cut dosage down, so i won't fall, and suggested i see another specialist about the bowel problem. Gastroenterologist. Didn't know they dealt ŵith that. Do have Gurd, did see one years ago. Fresh air and seeing kids playing and people really helped, don't feel as low as last night. Best.

[mrsmike9 in reply to ekelks]

So glad to hear you are feeling better! Things can sometimes snowball and times can just be so hard. Try to get help for your dad and get yourself a break! I helped care for my mom. It's not an easy job at all. Take care of yourself first or you won't be good for anyone.

[Raingrrl]

I’m glad you had a better day ekelks . Please check into the resources others have mentioned so you can line up some support. It’s hard being responsible for yourself plus an elder especially when you have a chronic debilitating disease like M.S.

[MSFlea]

Hugs to you my friend 🧡If you need someone to talk to, please send me a message. I've been there before, not related to MS, but other things, and I will gladly chat with you. Sounds like you had a really rough time, hang in there! And reach out if you need help 🧡

[Goldilockssearching]

very frustrating 😲 hope things turn around for you

[ekelks]

Thank you all. Saw new neurologist and feel better about everything. Will get new aces a ride card within 7-10 days. Will ask primary GP to refer me to a gastroenterologist re the stomach problem, per new neuro. Regimen of gabapentin changed so I don't fall so much and appears to be working. Thank you for being here, for all your good thoughts.