Wow, twenty plus years on this journey and I am tired. Is this what getting old is all about, or can I blame ms. Both I think, life goes on and on. WHERE SHOULD I PUSH MYSELF TODAY, WHERE THIS WEEK? There is never a reason to surrender, I am sure if I make the effort I can do this. A secret here, "YOU" my ms sibling, are most likely better than me. If "YOU" can do life maybe I can as well.
Yes, "YOU" can do it, then so can I.
Royce (your ms writer and Brother)
sometimes we lead, sometimes we follow, but we are all on this ms journey, together
Written by
RoyceNewton
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Dear brother, you are a leader. YOU post almost every day. And it's usually something positive and inspiring. YOU get to have an off day. YOU don't have to push yourself all day every day. Don't forget to breathe. 😃 YOU are going to be ok.
I'm more or less twice your age, so with me, some of it is age. But on those days when I struggle to do even the easiest, most routine tasks (wash my face, brush my teeth, put on my socks, etc.) and find myself just sitting with a blank mind, something else is going on. I haven't blamed MS because I wasn't feeling pain, or spasticity, or headache, or the fatigue that overwork or heat brings on, at those moments I was just inert.. Then I read a post that described six (6!) types of fatigue that we MS folks can experience...which clarified those inert moments. The writer listed the six types as social, emotional, physical, pain, mental, chronic illness which helped me realize that there were causes for those moments when I come to a full, mindless stop. The explanation given was that damage to the central nervous system leads to primary fatigue (limited amounts of energy) and that other factors related to the described effects of MS create a secondary fatigue. The way I understand this is: the damage seen in MRIs makes my CNS use more energy for every day tasks than others require for the same tasks. This depletion is primary. Then, because MS affects the transmission of nerve impulses, I use more energy in stressful situations, secondary. In short: I have less energy than those without MS, and when I use my store of it, I run out more quickly. And then, add in age which causes a gradual and slow breakdown of everyone's nervous system. So now, I see that thinking about your post and composing my response is drawing down my energy reserve (though I don't feel it that way at the moment, it may show up later in the day.) I hope this makes as much sense to you as it does to me.
Though it doesn't feel the same as the physical energy needed to walk, run and so forth, as you compose your thoughtful posts, your mind is hard at work choosing a topic, finding the right words to express your ideas, calling up those aspects of composition that we take for granted (sentence construction, spelling): in doing this hard work, you are drawing from that store of energy...of which you and I have a limited amount. Take care, my friend, be well.
YOU, RoyceNewton, are allowed to have down days. Even the healthiest people take time off and just relax. It helps the body & mind to regenerate. Half the time I don't know if it's the age or MS that causes some of my problems. I'm thinking it's a combination of both. I guess it really doesn't matter, MS progresses and age happens, I have no choice in the matter. But WE ALL have a choice on the attitude WE have about it. WE are in this thing together, supporting each other, listening, & caring about each other. YOU, RoyceNewton, do a very good job of keeping up the spirits with your posts. They are informative and encouraging to ALL of us. YOU, RoyceNewton, remind us almost daily that WE are in this together. Thanks for being here.
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