Hello, my name is Kim. I was dx 04/2018. Doing pretty well. Mainly depressed. So, now for the venting. I have concrete steps to get outside my apartment. I asked the landlord for a handrail because of my overwhelming ataxia and having a fear of falling more than I already have. He told me, “if I had MS, I know what I would do. The best thing you can do is kill yourself and get out of everyone’s hair.” That shocked and depressed me. Then he refused my handrail. Sometimes I don’t know what to do. Supportive words would be appreciated.
Just need to vent. : Hello, my name is Kim... - My MSAA Community
Just need to vent.
Written by
KPhoenix
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Read more about...
91 Replies
•
I can’t begin to imagine a human being saying such a terrible thing! Is there any chance you could find another place to live?
You are valuable, so please don’t let one completely insensitive person try to make you feel otherwise.
I am looking, but things are tough right now. Keep me in your thoughts please. Thank you for your comment.
carolek572CommunityAmbassador
That is the meanest thing that I have ever heard of someone saying to someone. Can you get out of this toxic environment? You are a precious human being and as such, you should not tolerate this. Can you ask assistance from family and friends? Don’t accept this as your new normal, KPhoenix 
Thanks so much for your comment. Trying to get out. Not easy. Wish me luck.
I will send you positive thoughts, KPhoenix Take care of yourself and please let us know of any developments
that is and an ADA violation and you should report him ASAP. you requested reasonable accommodations and he has to comply.
I agree with rjoneslaw ! Also, I thought it was law that all steps have a railing - inside and out? I would definately report him! or look for another place to live. I'm sorry you have a heartless landlord 
Gentle hugs.
Jessie
Look for another place and report the landlord. It’s the only way some of these people understand! You may even be able to get out of your lease due to medical needs!
That's what I was thinking that it is a law that you have to have handrails on all steps. I would definitely report him even if I did move out. That is a very horrible person instead of being supportive saying things like that is cruel. He should be horsewhipped for saying things like that. His day will come then he'll learn what it's like.
Also under the ADA they have to do the dwelling as well and not charge for it.
Also it would be wise to consult with an attorney to find out what other things you may need as well
While you're at it if there isn't handicap parking get that as well
Thank you for your comment. I am working on it. Some people think they’re untouchable, ya know?
How heartless. Sorry but I don't know what your recourse would be to force him to install a a handrail. Possibly the town building inspector. In the meantime, please be careful. Keep us posted if you have any success. Stay strong.
I think I would seek legal counsel. Unfortunately I think people treat females differently and I don’t think he would make that comment to a man because that comment might get him a fist in the mouth. Sorry you have to deal with this person and a threat of legal action would probably get what you need. Stay strong and positive.
I'm a woman and he would have gotten a knuckle sandwich at minimum had he said that to me.😠
As rjoneslaw said he is in violation of Federal ADA law by refusing to install hand rails. He may be in violation of building codes as well in your state. Many states require hand rails installed along concrete steps/stairs for public buildings and apartment buildings. Report him not only to the ADA but also the local better business bureau. What he said to you is so wrong in so many ways. The local better business bureau can also give you some advice on what your options are for recourse in how you were treated. If they don't give you satisfactory answers seek out a lawyer who specializes in civil liberties. The ADA might also have some really good advice for you in that area as well. The national MS Society also has a resource center that you can call for advice and local resources available to help in dealing with your cruel landlord. Don't take that kind of crapiola from anyone. You deserve much better treatment and respect than what you got from that fleabag !@#$!@#$ loser.
How unprofessional of your landlord...I would move, if possible. Plz don’t ever absorb such ignorance....people like that would behave in the same manner with anyone...sadly, they’re miserable...so, don’t take it personally. But, I am sorry you went through all that...must’ve been truly upsetting...there may be some type of ADA violation here...maybe call...blessings 🌺
Thank you for your comment. Trying to move. Hopefully soon.
That was a horrible thing to say, my thoughts are not very Christian towards him, in fact I am appalled that a human being would have the nerve to say that to anybody. You are well above him, report him and let the authorities sort him out. In the meantime know that your life matters, you are valuable and I am sure that all our 5000 + members are behind you. Big hug 🤗 if possible look at moving, Blessings Jimeka 😊
CalfeeChickCommunityAmbassador
I most certainly agree with everyone's comments above and you most definitely have the right to a rant. I agree so much with @Jimeka !! You have over 5000 members here that are supportive of you. People can be so cruel and thoughtless. I hope you are able to report him to the ADA and get some relief. We are here for you.😊😊
Thank you for your comment. I haven’t felt this cared for since my dx. This group is the best.
Thank you for your comment. KPhoenix In addition to all of us, there is so much information available to you. When I was first having symptoms and no diagnosis, I found this site and have been here ever since. Sure, I check out other sites for research and new information, But this is the place to be. I hope we can give you some peace of mind and confidence to "Chat" with us. Glad you are here!!
That’s a mean and dangerous thing to say any person. You can report to your town/city housing authorities. Ask the MSSA or NMSS for suggestions to this matter. I am glad that you weren’t so depressed that you considered to take him on his suggestion, “kill oneself”. Remember, he said that is what he would do if he had MS. People are Ignorant that people with MS or other serious illnesses, can have productive, wonderful, meaningful lives. Yes, it is a violation of ADA act. How it may apply on public and private property may be different. You are worthy and entitled to be treated with respect and dignity. You are not be a burden and deserve to be loved and common decency. You have more to offer than you know. And if he would get a handrail, it would be in one step further keeping you safe and productive.
Side note: if you do suffer from depression or low self-esteem, do get help with someone who has expertise in the condition.
Pardon my French, but your landlord is a dick. What a despicable person. Have you tried to contact/find local ADA help? It varies from state to state, but your landlord is required to make reasonable accommodations. I’m very sorry this happened to you. Depression happens to a lot of us, but this guy didn’t help. Just a very unkind, inhuman person. Don’t give up yet, on getting the handrail...
Holy crap, what a heartless POS.
I’m sure you should stop caring what this winner thinks and stop hearing what he said.
You were not asking for his advice for disease management , you were requesting a rail. Focus on getting what you need.
Thank you for your comment. I’m trying. It’s just he comes every day. Can’t wait to move.
Sending you a big, warm cyber hug (((KPhoenix))).
i would call housing authority for this and the disabled authorities and MSAA authorities....this is so uncalled for ...he should be turned in ...wow ..hope you had someone else here him say this to you ...so sorry very uncalled for...wow if i could i would punch him like what a guy would do but it is better to call the authorities to handle this person do it legally and he will have to pay for such a rude remark...so sorry.....hope you can get to the bottom of this before you fall on these cement steps and he will have to pay for you asked him just make sure someone is with you when you talk to him well i wouldn't i would first call the authorities for you feel threatened ...wow...
Thank you. Yes my mother heard it. He has gone to all my medical people to ask questions about my illness. Only know of one who talked at my local hospital. I just want away from him.
He has no business going to any of your doctors to ask about your medical issues. If he's saying he needs some kind of medical certificate from your doctor, you can get the standard certificate from your doctor to give to him. Similar to a certificate that you would give to the DMV for disability plates or placards. But he is not allowed to call your doctor to ask about your condition. Your doctor can give an overall explanation of what MS is but if your medical people give out any specific medical information to anyone without your express written permission that is a violation of HIPPA law. You need to report him to your local ADA representative.
Yep, he should be getting help to provide assistance to you, and others. There should be some agencies that will help him and you. Go through your cities agencies on the pc or in the phone book. I know in our small town of 50,000 or so, There are agencies that will even come install safety equipment free of charge. Your landlord should check it out! Best to you, whether you stay there or decide to move.. please keep us posted.
Kim, My name is George. I was told l had MS since 199. They say I've been depressed since l was diagnosed. Luckily l don't think l am. Yeah I'm depressed l can't run 6 minute miles any more but I'm still above ground as are you. Go to a MS support meeting. There is one at 1st Baptist church on 59th Ave. That's assuming you live in Phx. Call the national MS support group and they can give you the group near you. MS groups are usually 100% MS patients or their caregivers. Keep up your head. At least MS isn't fatal.
George
Hello,
Sorry to hear about your DX.
I would check with building codes in your area as hand rails are normally required on stairs. Next I would do a GoFundMe account for a fund raiser to find a better place to live. A place with empathy and safety because you will slowly have more trouble👎. I am very sorry and my heart goes out to you. Many hugs and support!
Brent
Thanks. Hadn’t thought of that. I really love all the hugs and support. Thank you all.
KPhoenix I have to say I’m not in the same camp as many of these well-meaning folks advising filing this-or-that legal complaint with the authorities / code enforcement / BBB / an attorney. Let’s get real, any of those options cost you money (whether directly or indirectly), cause you stress (and worsening of symptoms), and won’t ultimately lead anywhere except to an extension of this situation and a deepening of your pain.
I agree with those who say to move away to a less toxic (and less vertically-challenging) home, even though that’s easier said than done, too, when you take into account the expense of perhaps breaking a lease, and the physical demands of moving boxes and heavy furniture!
Take it from someone who has done all of the above. Letting that toxic person pull you into their vortex leads nowhere but into further frustration and darkness. It’s nice to fantasize about setting them straight, but anyone who said what they said to you is already battling their own demons. Nothing you can do will teach them to be a different person, nor will it earn you a handrail.
That person is wrong. You have a lot to live for, but you’ll probably not know what it is for a little while longer. In the near future, when things do brighten up for you, you’ll remember what that mean little person said, and realize you were victorious over him only by letting go of it completely.
Try to focus on the happy fact that for now, it’s only a FEAR of falling down those stairs that’s got you worried. Then take careful baby steps toward GETTING AWAY from there!
I would imagine that current building code and local ADA regulations require a handrail. Any landlord as boorish and stupid as the one who spoke those words should be in as much hot water as possible. A few phone calls to the right people might make him aware of his responsibilities.
I live in a rural Virginia county and have had my steep steps rebuilt to accommodate my aging (wonky) ability to use them. The contractor told me that in addition to a banister and palings or panels, current code requires a metal hand rail that extends beyond the bottom step.
that would make me dig my heals in,what a horrible excuse for a human being,You have had wonderful suggestions,but I would go a step further, and little thing wrong with your apt I would turn that in to ADA also.I would not move.why should you go? he is just an ugly person.get your railing!
I’m sorry that you have to go through this 😢 Other people’s ignorance can be frustrating! But if you have a good day, parade it in front of them to let them know you are happy you are alive & that MS isn’t a death sentence because a ‘normal’ life is possible!
I worked in a Dr’s office for quite some time. When he gave someone a suspected diagnosis of MS they usually went ballistic or cried like it was the end of the world. When they would come to pay their co-pay & set up their next appointment, I told them I had MS & explained that like other patients, I had good days & bad days. They said that they couldn’t tell I had anything wrong with me. That calmed them down.
It really helps people undo the early views of MS.
Surround yourself with positive people, the support group is a good idea. There is an active group who attend mine. Is seems like that day is one of support & celebration. Afterward they will head out to a special place.
Rely on your friends here for support especially if you live somewhere where it’s hard to meet a support group in person. Notice the wise words & suggestions😊
You will get through this rough time & you’ll be proud of yourself (& minimize what gets you depressed).
You are in my thoughts.
Please keep us posted!
Lin
Hi honey, that’s awful what he said and u have nothing to get upset about! He’s just a small-minded idiot! Xxxxx ❤️
Thanks. Logically I know that. I just wish I could get my emotional side to see it the same way.
Noone is worth dieing for f him im sorry he said that people are cruel. I asked my landlord to build me a ramp over a year ago and still no ramp. They are scumlords. Im sorry you also got to deal with that. Best wishes
That is so cruel. You have every right to vent to scream and anything else that you need to do. I know when I was first diagnosed I didn't show any outward signs of having MS and for the most part I still don't and I am 27 years into this monster. Don't let this thing get you more depressed. Try your best to find a new normal for you. Pace yourself. If you can deligate some things to others do so if not remember it doesn't have to be done all at once. Do most things when you have the most energy. For me it's in the morning after lunch I don't do much. Find a hobby that relaxes you. I feel for you and I am hopeful that you will get past your depression and find your new normal. You have my prayers.
Phoenix I am so sorry this happened to you. I had to read it a second time as I could not believe what I was reading. Goodness. I would definitely consider getting out of there. We go through so much every second of the day and it's not asking a lot for safety. This was something that he should have in general to make it safe for everyone who lives there. I am sad to read this. I have many stories of how people can be better at being kind. Please stay strong and know that you are worth it. You WILL get past this and feel proud of yourself of what you have overcome. I don't know you and I am so proud of you and your patience.
Thanks so much. Didn’t even tell a tenth of everything. This group has given me so much hope. People who don’t even know me have been so supportive, it’s given me back a little faith in the world.
Kim, I hope you believe in karma. It will get him, always does, you will see. In the meantime, you need a lawyer and a handrail.
I believe in karma. It will bite him in the rear. Trying to focus on myself and live the best life I can now.
Most of us have suffered from depression. It sounds like a cliche, but I have turned that corner by changing my diet. It was a miracle what not eating sugar can do. Regardless, you still need to report him. We have MS but we have rights! Good luck, and please keep us posted.
I’m so sorry you have a cruel idiot for a landlord. I would check with the county ordinance department abut not having handrails on steps. I believe that is a safety requirement. If so they would force him to put up the handrail to county specifications.
I can’t add anything to the discussion, everyone has already said many things (French or otherwise) that I would have said. I’m sending you my best wishes for some resolution.
BTW, this is a great place to vent as well as praise.
Stay with us.
Craig
Kick his A$$! That's a beat down for sure. 🤔 Sorry he hurt your feelings. You're better then he is. ♥️🌹
I love the way you think!!😍😎🤗
Thank you. Trying to shake it off now. He lives two doors up and I get mad all over every time I see him. It will all work out though.
Hi KPhoenix, welcome, sorry you find yourself a member of our group, but you will find lots of support and love here. Your landlord is a jerk and violating the law. As others have said he is required to have rails. Document and report your falls and conversations with him. Hang in there. This disease it certainly manageable. It has its challenges for sure but I have found many blessings too. God Bless you and remember we are always here🙏😁
Thank you for your kind words. I am exploring all my options. This group has been a blessing to me.
i do not know where you live, but in the U.S . the gov't is behind you in helping people with disabilities. your best path would be to report him to the authorities. they will make sure he abides by the law. i would know because i used to own a hotel, had to get rid of the property due to M.S and i know the state inspectors were always checking up on my property to make sure i was within regulations. I DO NOT WANT TO CAUSE ANY PROBLEMS FOR YOU , BUT FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY THINK ABOUT THE THOUGHT OF LYING ON THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS. hope the idiot does'nt cause more problems
best of luck
Thank you. You are so right. I don’t even want to think about falling like that. Don’t need to imagine. My mom fell and broke two vertebrae in her back. She’s been flat on her back since September. But between home health and me, she’s getting better. Can’t let his nonsense bog me down. He said that to me in front of my mother lying on her hospital bed in the living room. He is the living end. I love this group.
He's an idiot if he said that.
Thanks. Yes he is. Completely.
Kim I am so sorry for you I had that said to me once. Call the ADA Your MS association can help with the numbers you need
I ran into this quote but I am not sure who said it. Makes sense to me.
"People can be mean. Try not to take it personally.
It says more about them than you."
Meanwhile, do what the others have suggested here and see what can be done about the handrail.
He is not very intelligent. You'd think he'd want those in place to avoid injury lawsuits, etc.
WOW!!! I didn't think there were any people that stupid in this world! I can't say any more than all others haven't. Stay strong, ignore him & know that you are better than him.😲😃
Oh yeah there are they just don't care about others just them selves
KPhoenix, hang in there, you have to be a Warrior when you have MS. I hope you can move soon or get that nasty landlord to put a rail. ❤️❤️
Kim I'm praying for you Mary
You are worth every breath you take to God. He loves you! You deserve to be treated with dignity & respect. I agree with notifying the ADA & the city building commission. That man deserves what ever fines they slap on him. I pray he won't retaliate against you if you do. Make sure you have everything written down with dates & times & what he has said to you. If possible always try to have a witness with you when you have to deal with him. One way to help with depression is to reach out & try to help someone else. Making someone else feel good will always make you feel good & the depression will lift. I have fought depression most of my life & that & prayer are the only things that has helped me without drugs. I will be praying for you to be able to get out of that toxic atmosphere.
If you DO fall (please don't), sue the crap out of him. Then you can point out it would have been cheaper to put in a hand rail....
Not what you're looking for?
You may also like...
Just want to vent
So I am returning back to work on May 9th from a very long LOA because I had a couple of surgeries....
HAVING A MISERABLE TIME AND JUST NEED TO VENT
Sorry to be a buzzkill, but I have just been having a miserable time of things. I have that...
Just need to vent although I don’t feel like I have a right to...
Since my DX in 2003, I’ve had minute issues health wise. I could even count them on one hand. But...
Glad I’m a part of something so much bigger than myself.
I’ve been sorta kinda off of the grid for a couple of weeks. Challenging time. I want to explain me...
HI EVERYONE JUST WANT TO SAY SOMETHING
I spoke with my uncle they moved him to the hospital. Which I was pleased not for the reason, he...
"You Really Need to Re-Think That"
Need Help & Assistance
How do you manage your day
Just mad and confused
Just a bit worried
