I had enough version 2

[TonyiaR7]

Dear Lord

I really had enough.

This is a hard road to travel. Now home alone while my gracious, loving, caring husband goes to work to meet all my needs and some of my wishes too. He never requests or demands anything from me. I wish he would so I feel like I had some type of purpose. I am glad I have a Heavenly Father who is perfect, awesome, good, faithful, strong, caring, forgiving ... because I cannot take another disappointment.

I would like to stop crying and I need a hug.

So please make me feel useful to someone today.

Thank you for supporting and carrying me through 30 years of MS. MS anniversary was July 7th. We should have celebrated that it is not as bad a it could be. And I am still here and alive. And I want to feel useful, needed, and would like to have an idea what I am suppose to be doing on this foreign land. I guess the same as exiles do. Be as productive and fruitful as one can be.

Be thankful and joyful in every situation.

[Kenu]

Great to hear you have such a supportive husband to help you through this 🙏👍. I am sure it gives him a great feeling inside that he can help you with dealing with MS. Male caregivers are hard to find. Good luck and stay positive 👍🙏🐾😎. Ken

[TonyiaR7 in reply to Kenu]

Thank you Ken. I feel so much better today! I am so, so thankful to have a supportive husband to deal with me, just not my MS, but everything about me. I am truly bless. And I am blessed to have you chime in too!

[RoyceNewton]

YOU are very useful to me today thank you very much

[TonyiaR7 in reply to RoyceNewton]

Thank you! You are very kind.

[deannabg83]

You are blessed and loved! We all have a purpose on this Earth and it seems like you are fulfilling your husband's purpose- to love his wife unconditionally! Even through your struggles with MS, you are deemed worthy of love.

Thank you for sharing your heart because we all feel a bit defeated at times! When you finally see some the light oozing thru the tunnel use it to see yourself in the mirror as miracle you are! You are loved and you are important to everyone who knows you!

[TonyiaR7 in reply to deannabg83]

I am starting to see some of that light oozing. Yes my husband is loving his wife unconditionally, along with other things. That is part of his purpose. And he knows I love him unconditionally. We talked about that today at dinner. My son stayed on the phone with me while I was having my melt-down until my husband came home. My husband left work when he knew I was in a frenzy. My son says I show them love all the time. Of course, they love me and we are family. We are there for each other. He was so sweet. He listen to me without any judgement or things I should do other than calm down. And tomorrow is a new day. And thank you for reminding me. That I deserved to be loved too! I was so besides myself with physical pain from MS, and osteoarthritis. Thank you for reaching out to me.

[deannabg83 in reply to TonyiaR7]

What joy it is to hear you overcoming your hurdle! The simple fact that you can articulate what's bothering you is amazing. It can sometimes take me a while to process what's wrong then get pass the pride of not having it all together... Pray for me too! 😁

[TonyiaR7 in reply to deannabg83]

My dear, deannabg83

I will pray for you too. That is the most useful, wonderful, meaningful act I can do. I am praying for you and anyone else who needs a prayer. Pray for wisdom, discernment, patience, and hope and whatever God knows, perceives, wants in our lives.

Be still.

[jimeka]

Tonyia, here is a big virtual hug. 🤗 I wish I could give it in person. You do not realise how your post today and yesterday may have helped someone who is not able to vent . It is a gift that you have been able to be honest with us all. At least now others can see that they are not alone with their ms symptoms. So feel useful and give thanks that you have such a good caring husband. Blessings Jimeka 🦋 🌈 💐

[MarkUpnorth]

Sounds like you have a great husband, you should feel worth in yourself by:

1) Always listening to him (not needing to always agree with him, but giving him your full attention regardless of how un-interesting it may be to you). I listen to my wife's every detail she wishes to let me know about in her day......that's something! Everyone needs to be heard / vent to someone. From/to YOU is most important.

2) Spend your time doing what you can to do what he likes (even if it is simply watching what he wants to watch....even if you hate it.) 3) Do whatever you can do physically, however limited for him. Doing so, makes him feel good. I cook and clean, even if it takes me forever... All the little crap she doesn't have to do makes her life easier. Likewise, when my wife offers and does whatever she does for me, however small, if it is something that I then don't have to, it is appreciated. 4) Remember to always say thank you and that you love him. 5) Spend your time looking for things you will both like....how about this weekend..... Fill the gaps in your day always looking for ways to make him happy.

You can build your own list.......this is just a few of the many things that make you worth the world to him, even if you aren't at your prime any more. Who is? From a him.

[lexsarset in reply to MarkUpnorth]

Awesome advice MarkUpnorth,

You have helped me. I am so independent that I do not want my husband to do anything for me, I always tell him to stop trying to make me an invalid. I can do it myself. This will now change. All he wants to do is to help me because he loves me and does not want me to hurt myself. Thank you Mark.

Continued blessings

[TonyiaR7 in reply to MarkUpnorth]

Yes we already do many of the things you have already suggested. We have been there for each other mutually. When he had end-stage kidney failure for 7 years followed by a successful kidney transplant, I did my best with managing MS, work, 2 kids, household and give him the space he needed. And now he does the same for me. Even though our sons are grown men, but he is an awesome father for guiding and helping his sons in adulthood. I know our faith in God, love, friendship is esssential to keeping us going.

We adore each other. We are enjoying our friendship that brought us together in the first place and 33 years of marriage. We will both keep building on out list as you say which fuels our deep, love and devotion to each other. We should appreciate the little things as equally important as the bigger ones.

Thank you for your prospective. Graciously helpful, MarkUpnorth.

[lexsarset]

Hi Tonyia,

How are you my friend! I am sending a big, gigantic, open arms, then hugging you so tight, you will ask me to release you!!! God does not give us more than we can bear!!!! Your purpose is to be the wife of an amazing husband. The blessing is you had an awesome career for yrs. You just retired early!. I am sure we all struggle with our purpose as we deal with MS. My anniversary was July 24. I wish they had discovered it 10 yrs ago when I was 38 instead of 48. However, i am still here.So, I will not complain! Know, that you are not alone dear! I have a plaque that hangs over the door that we enter and exit our garage. It reads God does not give us what we can handle, he helps us handle what we are given!!! We are MS warriors!!! We have many different purposes! People watch the way we walk and talk; we give them courage and inspiration. If we can persevere, they surely can! That's what they tell me at PT. Continued blessings!

Big Hugs,

Sonya

[TonyiaR7 in reply to lexsarset]

Hugs to you. I cry just reading the responses. I get so frustrated. And being on prednisone is like PMS for me. I can’t wait I finish my tapering. 6 more days. I am a frantic woman with this drug. I had the nerve to try Yoga. I made one reeds yesterday. I cooked dinner all week even though hubby thought I did too much. Probably did. He was glad to come home to me after a terrible day at work, with no demands for me but a hug and a kids

[greaterexp]

I can see that one purpose you have is in being here and sharing your heart with great honesty. You’re a treasure!

You recognize the love and support your husband gives you, and that blesses not only him, but all of us here, too.

I do pray that you feel encouraged and an increased sense of God’s purpose for your precious life. I’m sending a warm, albeit computerized, hug to you.,

Please post as you can and let us know you’re doing.

[TonyiaR7 in reply to greaterexp]

Thank you.

I have been very down. It has been a very hot, humid, wet summer, sequestered inside. My fun, solitaire activities are increasingly difficult to do, like play music on my oboe or do ceramics. But I am blessed by 3 men in my life, my husband and 2 sons. My sons at different times of their maturity have also lavish their mom in love in their own way. I am truly blessed. While I had an emotional meltdown yesterday, my youngest son stayed on the phone with me until his dad came home. Thus, by then I was calm and able to be supportive to my husband’s difficult work day. Thank you for your love, kindness and encouragement.

I can’t wait until I finish my course of prednisone; I get PMS-like moments, frenzy, panic. Thanks to listening.

[greaterexp in reply to TonyiaR7]

Prednisone can be treacherous. You can understand how it’s wreaking havoc with emotions, but I’m amazed at how tightly you are holding onto the knowledge that you have wonderful family who obviously love you dearly. I hope we all can do that when we have times of meltdown.

You’re my hero!

[goatgal]

TonyiaRobinson7 You are truly blessed in your marriage. I hope you are able to shed your guilt, relax and accept the loving kindness that infuses the relationship with your husband.

[TonyiaR7 in reply to goatgal]

That is exactly what I did. We spent relaxing time with each other yesterday and the remainder of the weekend. I am truly blessed to have this marriage and love. I will just relax and enjoy. And let the love from God, my husband and everyone else just lavish all over me, whether I am strong or weak. I will be content in all circumstances. There is always hope. I will keep persevering with God’s strength and loving kindness. I am truly blessed. No need to worry. I am in good hands. Thank you

[carolek572 CommunityAmbassador]

Thank you TonyiaRobinson7 for sharing your experiences with this forum. Your approach and attitude is an inspiration to me! While there maybe setbacks in life, the approach (attitude) to them is what makes all the difference. Also to have loved ones to assist you, and that you are appreciative of their help, well, that is priceless.

God Bless You.

Stay Strong,

Carole

[kycmary]

Hello Tonyiarobinson7 that is a beautiful prayer I am glad you have a supportive husband also, I don't know how to do the smiley faces but close your eyes for a minute & feel this big hug I'm sending to you right now!!

[TonyiaR7 in reply to kycmary]

I feel your hug!!🙂🙂🙂🙂😎

[TonyiaR7]

Thanks to everyone. Hugs,💕💕🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

[Jesmcd2 CommunityAmbassador]

Hi my girl! TonyiaR7 How ya doing? 🤗💕

I'm sure you do so much for your husband that you arnt even aware of it! So please do ever think you don't! Your husband loves you! No matter what! Even on your bad days! So cut yourself some slack my friend!

No one is wonder woman 🤗💕

J🌠

PS those steroids will mess with your emotions big time! So remember that!🤗💕

[TonyiaR7 in reply to Jesmcd2]

Thank you. Those steroids do mess with my emotions. And you are right, I do more than I realize for my husband. He reminded me, like doing some yard work, cook when I can, wash clothes... so I do contribute and help.

Thank you for checking up on me. I feel so much better each day!💕 Every body needs to be reminded and encouraged, no matter the length of time one has had MS.