My HealthUnlocked username

[finallyseekinghelp]

My HealthUnlocked username is a breakthrough for me. I have struggled to come to grips with who I am for quite some time. In 2017 I lost my job of 7 years, and with that loss, I seemed to have lost a piece of me. Now that the piece of me which helped me identify myself is gone, and it has been very difficult to get it back I might add, I'm ready to admit to myself, I have an illness. I guess I'll start there (which was very difficult) .

[Hidden]

Welcome to the community. This is the place where you can talk and be honest about whatever you're going through. This disease has been a continual grieving process for me with each new loss of something I used to be able to do and can't anymore. There has been another side to the journey for me though, and that is finding out I'm stronger than I ever imagined because I've had to be. I fall - literally and metaphorically - but I get back up even though some days I'm not sure I'm going to make it. I don't talk about it either. Nobody at work knows, my family and friends never ask how I'm doing so I don't bring it up. My husband is the only moral support I have and I'm so grateful for him, but he has his own health problems and I don't want to burden him. He worries about me. But I can come here and talk to people like me, people with this devastating disease with so many strange symptoms that nobody but us understands. Here we can open up and let it out. Glad you're here!

[finallyseekinghelp in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, Kerry! I’m grateful for this community! I don’t have many literal falls, although thinking about it, maybe if I did, my wife would be even a little supportive (w/ ms). I guess by refusing to broadcast my symptoms and illness, I’ve created an existence where I only have this condition when something goes wrong, or when I go to the Dr.’s office, or when I loose my temper, or when the depression is so bad, I literally lay in bed for days at a time. I rarely talk about my condition and how it effects me inside. My outward appearance, is that of a healthy individual. The pain for me is all internal. Thank you again, Kerry for sharing with me and for being a part of this community.

[Hidden in reply to finallyseekinghelp]

That's one of the things I find the most difficult about this particular disease is the fact that we look so "normal" to others. I walk with a little bit of a limp now but I tell people at work it's a problem with my lower back. What they can't see is all the other stuff, like feeling like I'm walking through mud, or the profound fatigue I have some days and the brain fog, the muscle pain all over, feeling like there's a cactus sticking in my ribs and all the other bizarre stuff. Even if you say to people that MS causes you fatigue, they think they know what fatigue is. You want to quote the Crocodile Dundee line about the knife, only "that's not fatigue - THIS is fatigue" but you know they still wouldn't get it. So we just keep everything inside and let people silently wonder - what the hell's wrong with her? That's okay. Maybe it gives me a curious and interesting air of mystery. Or maybe they just think I'm a weirdo. LOL. I have to laugh at some of this or I'd never leave my house.

[ssdw1958]

I am glad you figured that out.

It’s hard to say that I hope it gets easier.

[finallyseekinghelp in reply to ssdw1958]

Thank you, ssdw! Ever since last night, it has been!

[Kenu]

This crazy 😝 MS has taken so many things from us, including our jobs 😡. I think we all get 😠 and say “why me”🤷🏼‍♂️. Like you I enjoyed my job and it was a part of me. This is a great place to vent and find out lots of information on MS and how others live with it. Mine is thru daily prayers and turning it over to the Lord 🙏. This helps me to stay away from stress which causes me all kinds of havoc, anxiety, and depression. Bless you and hope you find your way🙏👍😉🐾 Ken

[Tinker-Belle in reply to Kenu]

My sentiments exactly.

[mrsmike in reply to Kenu]

You nailed it Ken.

[finallyseekinghelp in reply to Kenu]

Thanks, Ken! I hope I do as well. Prayer has always been a cornerstone for my life. I’ll have months of frequent prayer, then it fades away. It’s been hard to maintain consistency in my spiritual existence. I need to pray on it.

[greaterexp in reply to finallyseekinghelp]

You’re in my prayers for God’s peace, comfort, strength, and sustenance.

[finallyseekinghelp in reply to greaterexp]

Thank you greaterexp! Everyone here has been so kind and thoughtful. Searching “MS support group” last night has truly been a blessing. It’s also been the best thing I’ve done for myself in quite some time. Many thanks to this lovely community of people.

[Hidden in reply to finallyseekinghelp]

Ditto.

[Tinker-Belle in reply to finallyseekinghelp]

We have a tendency to pray when we are in need. Then, sometimes we can forget when things are going great. Or, perhaps when things get real bad, we can get angry at God. Yet, He remains faithful. And that, my friend, is good.

[finallyseekinghelp in reply to Tinker-Belle]

Yes it is good, however it makes me feel guilty like my faith isn’t consistent and im only believing when things are going array. I feel like I should be more like my Dad who practices our faith ALL the time. Consistently praying, consistently attending mass, I ask myself why I can’t be more faithful in my practice?

[Tinker-Belle in reply to finallyseekinghelp]

Hey, you recognize that you struggle. That is huge. You AND your father were BOTH made in the image of God. Yes, YOU. Every bit as much as your father. You are loved and knowing you are not perfect makes you even more loved than if you actually were "perfect." Afterall, there is no such thing. Rejoice.

[erash]

I had to reassess who I was after being forced to stop working. I thought about the qualities I admire in others (and some in myself) rather than identifying thru my career. It helped immensely.

But I still am resistant to accept my dis-ease, no matter how frequently it tries to remind me of its presence. So bravo to you and welcome to our friendly chat 😊

[finallyseekinghelp in reply to erash]

Thank you, kindly.

[Tinker-Belle]

Welcome to the group. I would like to reiterate the statements Kenu made so perfectly. Yes, MS has taken many things, including my job as well. This is a good place to vent and seek understanding. I, too, am learning to turn it over to God. In fact, MS has actually strengthened my faith. So, in that respect, I consider it a blessing. Wishing you the best on your journey.

[finallyseekinghelp in reply to Tinker-Belle]

Thank you!

[mrsmike]

Welcome to the group.

[finallyseekinghelp in reply to mrsmike]

Thanks

[Jesmcd2 CommunityAmbassador]

Hi, and welcome finallyseekinghelp

I get it, I think most of us get. We don't have tol like it, we just adjust. But right now? I'm ticked at it! It's trying to kick my butt, and I won't let it.😀

I'm glad your reaching out. You won't regret it🙃

Jes🌠

[finallyseekinghelp in reply to Jesmcd2]

Thanks, Jes! You got this!

[Jesmcd2 CommunityAmbassador in reply to finallyseekinghelp]

So do YOU! It's just a matter of hmm trying to think of the word... acceptance? Naw, learn to live with it? Of course. We don't have a choice. It is what it is.

But it's NOT the end of the World.🤗💕

J🌠

[WAshingtongirl]

finallyseekinghelp , it’s always sad welcoming new members here, but if you have MS, this is a great place to be and ‘family’ to belong to.

As others have said, we understand you completely. Having had MS for nearly 27ys now, I’ve found I’ve had to ‘reinvent’ myself many times. It seems you finally accept one loss and then it’s time to fight and somehow accept the next one. But as Tinker-Belle , Kenu and a few others have said, MS has made be less self-reliant and forced me to rely more on the Lord. For that and the many wonderful people I’ve met here, and for my better understanding of and compassion for others dealing with life’s struggles, I am thankful!

Praying you find us warm and welcoming, and that you find balance between acceptance and pushing on and thru this. As erash said, your job really isn’t who you are. It’s what you do (or have done). You’re still the same person inside. 💕

[finallyseekinghelp in reply to WAshingtongirl]

Very kind welcome, Tutu! Thank you!

[bxrmom]

Welcome to the group finallyseekinghelp Sorry for the reason. This is a great group of caring people where you can come and share what is going on, ask questions, and just vent. I was forced to quit my job and then file for disability after a really bad relapse in 2008 after going to school for a job I really liked. I beat myself up for it for a long time, and then finally had to just let it go because there was nothing I could do about it. I now volunteer with a dog rescue here in MI and help out with listing dogs that are available for adoption and helping with things on social media, another passion of mine after adopting my dog from a shelter and finding about dog rescue in 2008.

Look forward to getting to know you more,

Jessie

[finallyseekinghelp in reply to bxrmom]

I finally feel like I’m somewhere I belong. It’s been a tough journey since diagnosis, but the silver lining is starting to reveal itself through each and everyone here. Many regards for the tip Jessie. I started volunteering to take my mind off loosing my job last year. It was great volunteering with a sustainable farming non profit here in the historic Mt. Vernon area of Northern VA. I was helping to educate children about sustainable farming the same way our first President farmed at Woodlawn Plantation. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to convince Disability to approve my claim, and I was unable to volunteer this spring. I have to find a better job. Hopefully, I’ll be able to volunteer in the fall and get back to doing what I love.

[greaterexp]

It can take a while to redefine ourselves, but you’re showing great resilience. And look at that great smile!

Welcome to a very supportive, helpful group. I’m glad you’ve joined us, and we look forward to getting to know you better.

[finallyseekinghelp in reply to greaterexp]

Yes, I’ve been working the redefining angle since last spring. All be it by force, in loosing employment. I’m beginning to think, it’s all part of God’s plan for me. I will say this, the support I’ve received here in just a few hours, gives me tons of motivation to push on and continue reshaping my self-identity. I’m so grateful for you all and all of the kind positive words of encouragement.

[finallyseekinghelp in reply to greaterexp]

Thanks, greaterexp! It’s been awesome here so far. I look forward to getting to know all of you as well!

[Morllyn]

Great start!

[BigMar7]

Welcome to our group finallyseekinghelp! I can’t add much to what everyone has already said but I have learned lots being a part of the group . I was diagnosed 13 years ago, left a job I loved, and have been retired 11 years. I am quite a bit older than you! I am happy you found us 😀❤️

[Kj9681]

You can do it! Fight the good fight, hun! Stay strong!

[finallyseekinghelp in reply to Kj9681]

Thanks Kj! I will keep fighting, I dont know how not to.