If anyone out there has had a mastectomy, I would be grateful for any advice re how you came to terms with the loss - of part of you, self image, fear of appearance afterwards, even with reconstruction.
It feels so daunting & I don't know how to cope. I have 4 weeks before the op
Hi Amber,
Sorry to hear about your situation. I know what you mean by daunting. I had two mastectomies last year. I may not be the best person to answer since i am still technically going through recovery and reconstruction. I think a lot will depend on your background and reasons. I originally had lumpectomies 15 and 20 years ago. Because this was a recurrence technically not the original cancer, my first thought was to just give myself a fighting chance to stop the cancer coming back again. My mother battled breast cancer 17 years and eventually died of it. So I just wanted to improve my chances and i felt very clear of that.
In terms of psychology I was also influenced by mother's experience. She never had reconstruction and always regretted it. I have always known I wanted reconstruction but felt uncertain about the options on offer. I didn't want implants. When I was told about the new fat injections being piloted I decided to go for that as it would result in something that felt more natural to me. Though it is not a quick fix.
Before my operations i got together with a small group of friends and family and held a 'Transformation' evening. Not only was I changing physically but I thought there would be other changes. As well as having a good time together we did little ceremony of our hopes and wishes for the future.
I also spoke to another woman who had both breasts removed and she did a small ritual of saying goodbye the evening before the operation so i did too. It felt important to mark thisb occasion not pretend it was not going to happen.
Its understandable to be anxious and i think you can find your own ways to mark the process.
After the operation i felt very strange and i am still adjusting to my new body even as it is slowly being reconstructed. I didn't want to look but slowly i did and adjusted. I don't feel less feminine and I am not worried about how I look. I am visibly smaller but everyone around me has been fantastically supportive. I don't usually notice anything when I am out and about.
There are a lot of women who have done this now and have got on with their lives. The vast majority adjust and take a positive view. After all we are not doing this out of a real choice but of necessity. WE choose a real chance at life. There are some wonderful blogs and web sites and you can also try You Tube of women sharing their experience including reconstruction. However there is so much information i felt an overload and stopped.
You will know there are lots of adapted clothing for women who have had mastectomies. I wear my softies for now in my bra but at home i don't bother. I have become rather laid back at times sometimes going out without them.
Reconstructions really do seem to make a difference for women. Mostly they succeed although occasionally it does not go to plan. I have been told that a large number of women never choose reconstructions. I want reconstructions so I can maintain a womanly shape with little effort. Messing around with softies and prosthesis long term is not for me . But many others its no big deal. You can choose.
My view of this is that I am glad i chose life and at the end of the day that is far far more important for me.
Just some practicals if you haven't been told: My reconstruction is a slow process but yours may be one of the speedier ones. However I have had to adjust clothing for now until I finish reconstruction. I have bought a lot of colorful t shirts with higher necks which i wear under things. I also treated myself to some new tops. Similarly I bought pretty women's vests that were adjustable to wear instead of a bra although I found them a bit scratchy after the op. I was advised straight after the operation was better to use 100% cotton and that men's vests were the best. I felt a bit self-conscious buying them but they were so comfortable I bought more for after my other ops. They just look like t shirts under clothing.
You may have drain for a few days after the op. I bought myself a soft pretty large shoulder bag with a large opening to keep it in which meant I could go out. But it was also very comfortable for carrying my drains in the hospital and at home.
I also bought myself nice smelly lotions to help raise my spirits after.
I would say just take it one step at a time and at your own pace. Get plenty of rest and take good care of yourself. You will know what you need to do at each phase. I focussed on each step and didn't look too far ahead. Make use of your support networks. People can be fantastic.
You don't stop being a woman just because of this. In fact you get in touch more with yourself as a woman than before. You just no longer take it for granted. It has more meaning. And of course you will be able to be as feminine as you wish to be.
Best of luck.
Maria
Thank you Maria for taking the time to write so fully of your experience. You are so right that we are choosing a chance of life. I had almost lost sight of that in all the shock & grief. Your comments about feeling more of a woman afterwards were comforting to read. I liked your idea of a ritual the day before your op. & will work out how I want to mark it. This whole breast cancer journey seems to be one of transformation, with surgery as a very obvious outward expression.
I feel comforted by what you have written. I know many many women have been through this, but it's so helpful to hear first-hand.
I wish you all the very best in your journey.
Think of Angelina Jolie, she had a great attitude.
When the going gets tough, the tough get going.its hard but its doable. Courage and good luck.
Hello Amber and welcome to Community@PennyBrohn - Here on our residential courses at Penny Brohn Cancer Care, we see people with different cancers and at different stages on their cancer journey. Our team of doctors and therapists are able to offer a programme of complementary therapies so that those affected by cancer, including carers can support their body, mind and spirit. Alongside dietary considerations, we very much focus on emotional and spiritual well-being.
With this in mind and by way of encouragement, it might be worth enquiring about the availability of complementary therapies whilst you are recovering from your operation. Many, many hospitals have complementary therapies on site now and hopefully so will yours. Iniitially, we recommend passive therapies like healing for instance. If you would like to know more about complementary therapies or about the work we do at Penny Brohn please don't hesitate to get in touch the helpline is open weekdays from 9.30am until 5.00pm, our email address is helpline@pennybrohn.org or you can telephone our helpline number on 0845 123 2310.
Hi I have had a double Masectomy
It was daunting at first I couldn't bear to look at myself in the mirror so I didn't.
I just focused on my recovery knowing I would be put back together eventually
It's amazing how a body copes and adjusts
I have had reconstruction ,nipples and tattoos and the end result is amazing, my 3 daughters are a bit jealous as I can wear lovely summery tops without a bra😊
Good luck to you with your op hope you have a speedy recovery xx
Wear it like a badge of honour, you survived! I had my mastectomy 12 years ago, due to skin condition, I wasn't able to have reconstruction. It truly hasn't been a problem. So much lovely underwear/night and beach wear out there. Put all your efforts into living in the moment. I wish you well
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