Random thoughts as we age.
-Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!
-Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet!
-I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks!
-I don't need anger management. I need people to stop ticking me off!
-Old age is coming at a really bad time!
-When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment. Now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!
-The biggest lie I tell myself is "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
-Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!
-I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.
-My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.
-If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
-The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".
-I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week.
-Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound!
-Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
-Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
-Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?
-At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
-Chocolate comes from cocoa which is a tree, that makes it a plant which means chocolate is Salad !!!
