Reminiscing

Reminiscing

Have been sitting here reminiscing, and reading posts. I'm not a member of the PSP site but nevertheless, I often read some posts, as Yano often refers to them. I've just read a post from a man who lost his wife 8 months ago, and he says that unfortunately, most of his memories seem to be of the last few days of her life.

It's so sad that of all the wonderful memories we have of our loved ones. The ones that surface most are often the ones we'd rather put behind us. It's like the person gets lost behind the illness. I'm trying not to allow that to happen.but sometimes it's very hard.

It's particularly poignant for me at the moment, as Billy has been gone only 3 months. 3 months that have sped by, in the blink of an eye almost. We have lived in an adapted council house for the last 3 and a half years, and now that he has gone. I can't stay in it. So I'm in the process of packing, ready to move shortly to a new home. The council have been very good, and given me a house I'm happy with. But still I have to leave here. He may have been ill the whole of the time we lived here, but they were still happy years, and we loved this home.

Sorry. This post is waffling. My point is, I think, there is a real , and once very healthy, happy loving, living person still there. Yes, they need to be cared for. But always remember the real person in there. Don't allow them to become an illness. Hard as that may be. I'm trying to take my own advice here.

Thanks for listening. Needed to get that off my chest.

5 Replies

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  • What a lovely picture with happy smiles. What a shame that circumstances mean that you have to move so soon after your husbands death - I guess that you aren't quite ready for a new life yet. There are so many variables aren't there, each persons MSA is different, our financial situations are so different and our emotional make up too.

    A great reminder to live with the person and who they really are, not the disease. I will try hard to live with that whatever the future brings us.

    Don't forget to pack all your happy memories in those packing cases to take with you and carry on talking to him as you go, in that way he can come with you.

  • Beverley, I think you have put so eloquently the views I share when reading the post you are talking about. I have to say when I first read his post it made me stop for a while to think for us about the good times gone and the good times now, despite the journey we are on with the beast MSA.

    I am sorry you have to leave your converted house but that might do you a favour - the conversions maybe were about illness and as you say you have so many other reminisces from happier more simple times.

    Our thoughts are with you as you pack. Take care, Ian

  • I hope your move goes well and that you will be surrounded by friendly faces in your new house. We moved and had this bungalow adapted for Bob when we could no longer cope in our old house. I will not have to quickly move out, but as this house is closely associated with Bob's illness, I cannot think that I will stay for much time after. Our happiest memories are back at the old house which was always full to overflowing!

  • Thank you all for your support, and lovely comments. Reading about your daily problems and worries and thoughts reminds me that I was not, and am not alone in this. I have great family support too. No. I'm not ready for a change. I would happily stay in this house. And having to leave it feels like I'm leaving him behind. But one thing I do know about myself is that I am a survivor. I hope you too are all strong people. My thoughts are daily with you all. Hugs.

  • Beverley

    You will find that with time and your own ability to survive, the memories of he good times will come back and overlay the sad times in your house.

    Moving house is dreadful at the best of times but wherever you go Billy will come with you. There is no way he will be lost or left behind.

    So will the sad memories and the loss ambushing you sometimes when you think you are doing well

    One day but probably not yet, it is too soon, you will find yourself remembering with joy and laughter something you shared when he was well and you will know that things are starting to get better. And that is what Billy would have wanted.

    Good wishes for your new home

    Freda

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