Dealing with people bringing baby to work

[hertsmeets]

Hi all, my manager has emailed the team to ask everyone to be free when a former colleague brings her baby to the office. I've drafted this reply - what do you think?

"Dear Manager, this is incredibly difficult for me to write, and will probably come as a bit of a surprise, because I've never been brave enough to speak to you about this. The organisation also doesn't create an easy environment to speak about these topics, which are associated with shame and taboo.

Unfortunately I can't attend the date where X brings her baby to work. I'm one of the 1 in 5 women who are permanently childless, not by choice, and this event will be incredibly triggering for me.

Although people don't generally recognise or understand it, being childless not by choice is to experience a significant loss and profound grief. This can be worsened when triggered, and impact mental health. As with many of us in the global childless community, we have to deal with these triggers in isolation, through sickness absence or seeking support outside the workplace.

I don't want to be absent from work or draw attention to not attending, so if I could work on important project X remotely, (or in room / building X), that would help me ensure I can work productively on that day.

Your understanding is sincerely appreciated. This may also be an opportunity to raise more awareness of childlessness, and how it affects mental health, particularly with so many triggers occurring in the workplace.

One suggestion I'd like to make is to add World Childless Week to our Diversity and Inclusion calendar, which would help raise more awareness and ensure those who are managing their childless grief and triggers in the organisation know that there is support."

I thought it might be useful for other people to use as well if you're faced with the same situation. Are there other things we could say about this or change any of the wording?

[Adventurer4Life]

I've learned from a life spent people pleasing and over explaining / apologizing for myself, you don't owe any explanation, but you can offer one if asked. A simple "that situation doesn't work for me, is there an alternative option or location I can work, perhaps....?" is sufficient.

I can think of a ton of other reason why people would be uncomfortable with that request. You got this girl - just say No!