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[Carolemitchell100]

Hi my name is carole 42 years old. 3 attempts at IVF failed. Had a hystectomy a year and half ago. Childless and trying to live with this xxx

[Ellen6]

Sorry to hear this carol. Such a difficult thing to come to terms with. You may not want to believe this now, but it will get easier. I know it is tough and painful and others can be quick to make judgements, ie, people assume I don't want children!! I was desperate for them! Thinking of you x

[Janey3107]

Hi Carole, you will still be going through the process of grieving for your loss, but there's the added whammy of feeling a total failure at not being able to do what comes naturally to most.

Like you, surgery ended any chance of pregnancy for me. I sometimes think this was better than that monthly rollercoaster of hoping and praying.

The grieving and adjustment took me a long time, feeling an isolated failure. I also found, as with all grief, that I'd be fine and then something would trigger all the emotions again. I was usually fine with others pregnancies and babies, and as I'm now 58, the arrival of grandchildren.

I did have counselling, the first time was a failure as I didn't bond with the counsellor. The second time I had an excellent counsellor and although the sessions were difficult emotionally, they were so helpful

I found having a good varied circle of friends helps.

When I found out about this site I just wished it had been around 25 years ago. I would have found this or face to face peer support helpful, whilst things were very raw.

I hope my ramblings have helped you realise you're not alone, that you will adjust and adapt

Jane xx

[Carolemitchell100 in reply to Janey3107]

Thank you for replying. This is the first time I have opened up to anyone. Xxx

[Janey3107 in reply to Carolemitchell100]

Opening up is very scary, cos keeping it to yourself helps you pretend that it doesn't exist and doesn't bother you. Spend some time reading posts from others, some will really resonate with you. Have you asked your GP about counselling (on the NHS) and perhaps antidepressants. I know that some parts of the UK there are meet-ups of people linked to this site, I don't know whereabouts you are but there again face to face isn't for everybody. Things will get better.

Is your partner around and how are they coping. Can you talk? My husband is absolutely no use at all as he finds emotional stuff difficult anyway and was angry/upset because he wanted to make things right for me and couldn't.

Keep going, but allow yourself to be upset and grieve - it's normal and necessary

Jane xx

[Ellen6 in reply to Carolemitchell100]

It's good you've opened up carol. It's the first step. ( and very tough, I know) . At least we understand each other on here.

Like Janey has mentioned - I'd recommend counselling or some sort of therapy too, when you feel ready. It is like a grief process.

It does get better xx 🌸🌻💐

[lc01sw]

Hi Carole I had a hysterectomy 5 years ago after suffering each month with excruciating pain didn't go down the IVF route as I wouldn't have coped with the emotional upheaval. But it was hard when I went back to work and saw a couple of people were pregnant that is when it really hit me. I had counselling have done sporadically having sessions at the moment the bonus being that my counsellor is. childless too. You just have to work through has best you can. Where do you live? I live in North Manchester. Take care 😊