Hi new to here. Can verbal abuse and ... - Mental Health Sup...
Hi new to here. Can verbal abuse and denegration by a parent in early years lead to depression and feeling use less in later years?
Absolutely as it affects your attachment and confidence - any abuse is damaging and degrading to the recipient. Poor attachment to parents / key care givers is key to our later feelings of well being. Does that answer?
It does answer now I might have more hope of coming to terms with my early years I.e.from 3years onwards.
Glad I found this place it gives me hope of finding solutions.
Meds help but they don't kill memories (sadly)
YES definately. That is one of my reasons for feeling low. When I was younger and even now my parents have been very controlling. My elder sister was and still is very bossy. I feel useless and worthless because of this. I'm 47 years old and just coming to terms with this as I have only recently accepted that this is a main cause of my low self esteem.
I have to constantly tell myself I am alright. I am happily married with two great kids but I still feel useless at times. I have a constant battle with anxiety and depression and had lots of treatment including meds.
Just take one day at a time.
Tks for reply it seems I am on the right track my father was a controlling bully and always told I was useless and cant do anything right. He saw fault with any friends I made which made me be less of a sociable animal. I try to do things perfectly so not to attract negative comments but to no avail. This brought its own frustrations.
I agree I have low self esteem because of a bully of a father.
I have constant anxiety and feelings of worthlessness
You are not alone
Tks for your comments my father has passed on some 20 years ago but I still have the mental legacy. Maybe finding similar people and talking will give me a better understanding.
My father is alive and kicking. I know he means well and I don't know if bully is the right word but I definately can't please him. He never says he is proud of me or well done.
I thought I was being silly feeling this way but it is good to know I'm not alone and this is a real issue.
Hi, welcome.
I didn't have abuse from my parents but had a lot of verbal abuse from my peer group, which I'm sure is one of the main keys to my long-term depression. (I'm now 67 and was born with a cleft palate and have mild dyspraxia. Nobody wants a child on their team who can't catch and throw a ball etc.)
You are unique. You are a valuable person. People do care. Whatever your father says, in the words of the L'Oreal advert "You're worth it!"
Ann
Yes, absolutely. My father was a controlling bully who was angry at the world because his own father used to verbally abuse & occasionally beat him. From the age of about 12 he used to constantly belittle and criticise me. I received no love and affection from either of my parents. Funnily enough, my younger sister was the apple of my father's eye and he used to call her his 'love-child' whilst he used to mock my looks and called me 'froggy eyes'.
The emotional abuse continued until I was thrown out of home at 17 to fend for myself. The following year I consulted the GP for depression and anxiety and was put on ant-depressants and have been on and off them ever since. I am now 43.
I struggled emotionally through life and one catastrophe to another. I was finally diagnosed with dysmythia last year and have just started therapy (should have done so years ago). I never really connected my emotional difficulties with what I went through as a child. It is only just beginning to make sense now. I feel I have wasted so much of my life and wish I had addressed my issues years ago.
Yes! I haven't read all the other replies but my immediately response to your question is without doubt YES. My father was critical and perfectionist and destroyed by confidence as a result. As a psychologist I learned how self-esteem and positive feelings about oneself and the world develop during childhood and can be undermined, and later as a psychotherapist I came across many examples of people with depression who linked it themselves to the parenting they received. Research within psychology backs up all I have learned. I would go further and say that depression and low feelings of self-worth almost always result from verbal abuse and denigration from parents - a child has no ability to withstand such treatment because they are dependant upon the parents for their sense of self. Those people who think such treatment from their parents has not affected them have learned not to feel the effects but usually either develop problems within intimate relationships in later life or everyone around them sees their insensitivity even when they do not. We learn how to behave from our parents and sadly we tend to do to others what was done to us unless we feel the pain caused by feeling put down by those we turned to for love. I hope you manage to overcome the verbal abuse and denigration directed towards you by your parents - I've had years of therapy and still struggle but things can improve. Good luck. Suexx
Of course it can does. If your not nurtured inthe right way it can leave you with feelings of abandoment, issues, lack of self worth, destruction of ones self,.
If your parent doesnt love you,(problems in relationships,) then who the hell will,!! you have to find out who you are, what a wonderfull person you are, and do the nurturing yourself. Counselling with a person centred approach, who does work with the INNER child will help you.
It will do a lot of soul searching and deep feeling, but it will get better in the end. Dont give up healing. take care Linda
In my experience definately. Can't add to whats already been said. Just wanted to say hi and welcome to the site.
Bev x
My husband is from a family of six kids and all of them are affected in some way or another by their Dad's treatment of them.These range from low self esteem, depression , anxiety and confidence. Our childhood shapes us for later life and can most definately have a profound affect on how we are as adults. I think all of us are affected in one way or another.... (some may be very positive and others negative)....on how we were brought up.
Welcome to the site, there are some really great people. Understanding how you feel and able to give really good advice and help.take care and wish you well. xx
So far I am now starting to understand what is triggering my low esteem and reactions to negative comments. It is my early childhood programming which makes me react to what I perceive as threats. Realising this is making me rethink and trying to respond positively. Meds are helping to keep a level frame of mind. Hope this makes sense to maybe help others.
Tks for all your help and comments.
Hi uchaf, genuinely sorry to hear about your past early life experiences. These can lead to all sorts of later life complications, dependant on circumstance and nurtured ability to handle these situations. The important thing to remember is that we ALL carry our child hood experiences with us to adult hood, no matter if we are rich as Simon Cowel or the homeless person we see on the street, we have to because our childhood is our foundation of experience and learning.
Unfortunately if like yours, your early experiences where cruelly damaged, your perception, cognitive thinking, and emotional attachment could also be damaged! First and foremost that is not your fault!!!! However you are obviously making great strides in the right direction to resolve these matters, that itself demonstrates great resolve, heart and bravery. And I personally commend you for same.
Everyday social interactions, professional interactions and intimate encounters can all be greatly affected, by early life experiences also.
Two great tools I would recommend to help with these matters are the following books, available on Amazon and for a very little price compared to the knowledge and recovery they will enable.
1st is a Book called (Toxic Parents) by Susan Forward. A great book for identifying the issues you have raised along with some you might not be aware of, it will also enable you to discover your own self confidence and inner strength.
2nd and just as important it a book called (Facing Love Addiction) by Pia Mellody as I believe your relationships could be affected by such historical cruel actions, please do not dismiss this book as it holds a lot of information you didn't know you needed.
Hope this was of help? Take care be strong.
it happened to me when small,omething happened to me when small the person concerned only got fined as his wife stood by him my parents let him in the house it still effects me now 60 years later ,my councillor feels the same why did e do that she got me to write a letter to my late parents to show her
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