This is the first time I've blog'd anywhere so bear with me if I'm going on!
I had meningitis as a baby and physically suffered complete deafness in my right ear and partial deafness (retaining about 40% hearing) in my left ear. I have learned to live with this obviously never remembering anything differently, although it has been something that has effected me in social situations. As a child I was quite isolated and so fell back into my academic studies and also into music. I guess I chose the bass guitar and double bass as my instrument die to only having partial hearing. It still effects me today in both business and social situations where there is lots of undirected noise and chatter as I can't really determine the source of the sound as as such tend to just blend into the background in certain circumstances. I am certainly not a wall flower and am outgoing and a senior professional in my "trade" but there is a definite impact on how I've been able to develop friendships etc over the years.
As I was growing up, I thought that this was my only affliction as a result of the meningitis. I was always doing stupid things, my parents putting it down to not understanding logic and how one event leads to a necessary outcome. I have done some pretty silly things that in afterthought and with some prompting as to how silly they are, I have realised just how stupid they were.
Since I married my amazingly supportive wife - I am just SO lucky to have had her support - it has become more and more apparent that there is something not right with my thought processes. I cannot see the consequences of actions I take and she has helped to point them out to me, usually not until the aftermath of an argument where I have sworn blind that she is wrong and that I was right only to look at it and really think about and see time and time again that she is right.
Some would say, given the severity of some of the afflictions that can occur as a consequence of meningitis, that this is just plain stupidity and nothing else. However, is is something so subtle and so accepted by me because I have always lived with it, that I am sure there are many out there who are also going through tough times as a result of seemingly bizarre actions that in afterthought, one would have never have made.
I also suffer terribly with short term memory recall. I always thought I was just forgetful but it really is a problem for me. We have ended up in debt chasing situations where I have thought I have dealt with something but actually haven't, and again, this creates a high level of anxiety with my wife when what she needs to do is to be able to rely on me to do what I say I am going to do rather than fret and feel like she is "nagging" me by constantly checking and asking whether I have dealt with certain situations.
It has taken me quite a long time to acknowledge that I have needed help as I have seen it as my place within my family to be the supporter and the strong person in the household. However, I have almost destroyed my family on several occasions and my wife is pretty much in a nervous state because of having to at times treat me like a child in talking through what I am going to do that day etc. It has come to the point where I have had to accept help and seek out ways to alter my behaviours, or find ways to keep myself in check. I have had a psychological assessment, although the resulting report seems to be taking an age to come through, let alone any recommended treatments that will follow.
I'm sorry if this is a bit disjointed but, apart from with my wife, this is the first time I have tried to express what my situation is and it is kind of pouring out! I want to connect with people who have either been through what I have or are experiencing those nagging doubts about how they seem to see the world slightly differently to other people.