i feel guilty

[LuckyTrain85]

Good Afternoon, I write this today being a survivor. My battle began when I was 13, I am now 37. I was diagnosed with bacterial meningitis and I basically had 6 hours to live. I was in hospital for a week before the doctors decided I was free to leave. I walked away with no lasting damage, all my limbs and no side effects. The problem is when I hear about some kid or baby that's died or lost a limb I beat myself up about it. I question god and ask why me? Why did I survive or come out of it as I did? I've cried to myself sometimes. Everyone says I should be grateful, I should live life without feeling guilty but it's not that easy. Am I being too hard on myself or should I feel guilty?

[menchild]

Guilt 😔 is a totally useless emotion 😕that just makes you believe you are wrong. We all suffer from guilt in some form or other, it's a human thing. Try gratitude for your health. Gratitude you can now use your healthy body and life to give something to others. You could channel guilt into the purpose of giving loving kindness to those who suffer. I feel so happy to hear your story that you did not suffer severe health issues. Perhaps you have grown a compassionate heart for those who did not escape serious losses. I too have been blessed with no severe disabilities, yet get lots of headaches. I am grateful I can still be practising giving loving kindness to others. All I suffered the past 3 years has helped me to grow as a person and softened my heart. It had gifts 🎁.

[FFFred]

I also struggle with guilt about surviving with little to no adverse health affects. I had Bacterial Meningitis much later in life, I was 36. Given my age when I became ill and the temperature my body was at I should not have survived. In the United States Meningitis is extremely rare. I have a hard time wrapping my head around not only how but why I survived. I try to be great full and celebrate everyday. It’s not easy. I wish it was easier to “fix”. This sight has helped me greatly. It is fantastic!

If you can, find a therapist to talk with. It has helped me quite a bit.

Good luck! Know your not alone and your not the only one.

[Bellesmom12]

Do not feel guilty. Feel lucky. I know I could have come out of my illness way worse off and I consider myself lucky. Do not waste time feeling bad. Enjoy your life and use it to make other people and yourself happy. Have fun! Go parasailing, hiking, adopt a dog, try new restaurants, fishing, play with kids, ride bikes, ride ATVs, go to movies, Who knows why things happen. Just gooooooo!!!!!!!! I would feel way more guilty about wasting this big ole beautiful life!

[MNClaireD Partner Meningitis Now]

Hi

I am sorry to learn that you suffered from bacterial meningitis as teenager. It is not unusual to feel guilty that you made a good recovery, where others may not. This is known as survivors guilt and can happen to anyone surviving a potentially life-threatening event. If this is affecting your daily life on a regular basis, it may help to seek some support.

I am not sure if you have been in touch with Meningitis Now before, but we are here to support anyone, living in the UK, who has been impacted by meningitis, no matter when the experience was. If it would help to talk to one of our helpline nurses, please do contact our helpline either by phone: [phone] (UK freephone) open Mon-Thur 9am-4pm and Fri 9am -1pm, if you prefer you can contact the team by email: [e-mail]

Best wishes,

Claire

Meningitis Now

[Fortywinks4]

Hi there. Yes! You definitely are too hard on yourself. My belief is that God has a reason for absolutely everything. Maybe you having B.M. and a full recovery, makes you appreciate and value every moment in life. There will be a reason..Maybe it wont be clear now but at a later time in life. Just enjoy your life. I wish you every happiness and peace.

[Cryptococcal_Ninja]

I definitely don't feel guilty as cryptococcal meningitis left me permanently profoundly deaf in both ears, affected my balance/energy quite a bit and for quite awhile I had no memory, taste, smell, facial paralyzation... I did my own rehab and pushed myself 110% every hour of every day just to be able to walk, talk, eat, etc. in a normal way. An illness like this affects us all differently and some can handle the burden better than others, mentally and physically.

I look at it like this... it hit me when I was 48 and if I had to battle it to spare at least 1 person, especially those much younger, then so be it as I refuse to let it take me out. I joined a few groups to strongly encourage others to not give up the fight, push every day for what it's worth as we all survived for a reason and I will leave this body when I am ready to do so!

[proudmamma]

My daughter is a survivor of bacterial meningitis contracted 2 years ago at 14 years old. She has come through almost unscathed except for ongoing fatigue. I am grateful every day and I hope she feels deep gratitude also. I feel that from the experience she has learned not to take life and its experiences for granted. What a huge lesson for such a young person to learn. There should be no guilt around this. I hope that, as one of the other posters above says, that perhaps from this experience she has grown a compassionate heart and will be in a better position as she grows to help others in some capacity.

[LuckyTrain85]

Thank you all!!! I've kept this to myself for years. My girlfriend of 9 years doesn't even know I feel like this. I hide it everyday. I bottle it up like it's shameful but I guess the lesson I've learnt here is that without this, I wouldn't be who I am today. A proud dad of 2 beautiful kids. This was just a challenge on the path to having the greatest job in the world, being a parent! I can't imagine what I put my parents through, but having kids of my own I definitely understand now. You guys are amazing, thank you so much!! X

[sorba]

I know exactly how you feel . I had BM 30 years ago and recovered and feel guilty when I hear of children dying of this disease but I'm glad I survived for my family

[CalvinH]

Help me please ,I don't know whom to talk to ,I cried my eyes out already ,my heart is about to stop . My newborn son has found this bacteria,of course doctors say it's gonna be fine , but reality just everything adds up ,he is suspiciously sleepy ,he doesn't eat normal like newborns has to ,etc . It feels like I could just give my life away to guarantee him healthy,normal life. I can't stand myself ,maybe it was my fault ,what did I do in this life to see my child suffer ,or any child suffer?!? I'm very sorry about my life's mistakes ,I didn't kill anyone then why from my happy tears when I cut the baby cord now I have to suffer . It feels like hell ,it feels like hell on earth . And it's real. I just needed to tell someone this ,I am sorry ,but my mom would die if she got to know this. I needed to get this out .