Residential College

[AC1935]

My daughter is 15 and has a chromosomal deletion and duplication, ASD, ADHD, dyspraxia and moderate learning disability. Her behaviour is getting more challenging as she gets older. I am considering a residential college once she finishes school next year. However, I'm conflicted as I'm worried what affect this may have on her. It's sp difficult being a parent to a disabled child/young person.

[BeatriceH]

Hi, I understand your concern - it is soooo hard doing this parenting!

Have you looked at any residential colleges? To get a feel for what they're offering and what the environment is like? Because it will ultimately be a very instinctive thing, whether you're comfortable with your child being there or not.

Is your daughter able to communicate what she might want? There are resources you can use to help her and you understand what she's interested in. Like from this organisation: togethermatters.org.uk

It's difficult having to plan so far ahead but everything takes so long, you kind of have to.

My son (Fragile X, autism) is now 22 and although I'd been considering residential college for him since he was about 14/15, I left it too late to go down this route. He was refused funding because I didn't have evidence that that's what he wanted or that's what was best for him. When he was 15, I felt he was too young and vulnerable to live away. By the time he got to 18 and his behaviour was increasingly challenging (and I'd had enough), I was certain that residential would have been excellent for him, but it was too late because I'd hesitated.

I think the right residential college is a really safe path into becoming more independent. Especially if she comes home for holidays. And a good way for you to get your life back a bit. You'd work so closely with the college to transition, and make sure she's getting the right support and care, and address any problems that come up.

And if it doesn't work, try something else - nothing has to be forever if you're not happy.

My son now lives part-time in a supported house with kids his age and part-time with me. He went there in a crisis situation but has really thrived and coped loads better than I'd imagined he would! There's always little problems to solve (making sure he eats healthily, squabbling with friends) but he's safe and happy, and his independence and confidence are growing.

Good luck with this, and look after yourself.

[Balamorym]

I agree with the above. Just to add that your daughter's EHCP is crucial in obtaining the required funding if you decide to go with residential and this takes some time to get right. You will need to ask for early review. Check out IPSEA website and their annual review checklist and EHCP checklist.

[ssslondon]

My daughter went to residential college post 19 and it was the making of her. We saw it as a bridge between living at home and in supported living. However, your daughter is younger and the reasons are different. I would trust your instinct not your guilt. Being in one place for both school and home life might be more calming for her. But, of course, you have to get your local authority on side and that won't be easy. They will want to exhaust all local options before agreeing to a residential placement.