I find it increasingly difficult every day as an elderly single mum to my adult Ld daughter,
Everyday it’s tears and tantrums, I wake up frightened of what the day will bring
Any advice would be greatly received.
Unfortunately I do not have family , so there is no one to help.
I am not in the same situation as you, but face the ultimate choice of either trying to continue as my daughter's full-time carer past the time when I feel fully able to do so or to hand over her care to some kind of agency, with all the inherent anxieties and potential issues that may bring. Such is our lot.
You need support in some form - could you perhaps contact your local social services and enquire about any carer support organisations in your area? Do you have the means to employ someone as a companion for your daughter, to give you some respite?
I can't think of any other options at the moment - your best solution will depend very much on yours and your daughter's individual needs. What causes the tears and tantrums? Are there any organisations locally who can help with managing challenging behaviour? I hope you find some helpful support soon.
Hello Abigailmay , sorry to hear about your situation. As MontyCat has mentioned in his reply, talking to your local social services to find out what support is available to you would be a good first step. You can find out their details through this website: nhs.uk/service-search/other...
I would also recommend calling our Learning Disability Helpline and speaking to one of our trained advisers who will be able to offer some support. You can get in touch with them on 0808 808 1111 or by email on helpline@mencap.org.uk if you prefer. They should be able to give you some suggestions for organisations in your area who will be able to help. I hope this helps, please let us know how you get on. I'm sure there are others on the community who have been in your position and will also offer their own advice.
Thanks for your reply
Does she have mental capacity ? Maybe it’s time to consider somewhere else for her to live so she can be around peers of her own age so you then have quality time with her and not waking up every day dreading what the day will bring. You’ve clearly done an amazing job up until now but maybe it’s time to deal with things now while you’re able to. Speak to adult social services as they would need to assess your daughters needs then they could advise you as to what she needs they will give you a booklet with different providers of care and you can research the care quality commission as well to see how they rated and their recent inspections. If you need help with this you could get a consultant social worker to support both of you. I wish you luck and I hope you get the help you need. The carers association may also be able to help and support you as well.
Thanks for your reply
your very welcome
Contact social services! They should offer you help either financial for you two & some support surely, good luck and please come here to vent y frustrations?! We are all here for you!
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I’m 44 and my daughter is 18 and this is exactly what I face on a daily basis. She’s also physically aggressive towards me. I also have no other family to help and I want to care for her as long as I’m able to. But at some point in the future I’m going to have to look at other places for her to live. We won’t be here forever to care for them and they need to be settled somewhere with the appropriate support for them before something happens to us.
As others have suggested, speak to social services and ask them for a carers assessment, this will identify what you need in order to continue caring for your daughter. It may be that they can give you places to go and look at to see where she may be best suited to live. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Please look after yourself x
Totally endorse what others have said. You have done a fantastic job but you have to protect your own mental health or you won’t be able to support your daughter at all. There is help out there but it tends to work faster when you’re at breaking point so don’t be shy of showing your anguish when you speak to them. Act now so you can have some control over the solution. I assume you have all the benefits in place for your daughter already? A friend of ours went through something similar recently and her daughter is now in a shared house with three other women of a similar age and ability supported by the family who own the house. It can work well. We’re all rooting for you. It’s tough. Keep us posted and we will help you through the change. Take care.
Thanks for your reply, Social work can only offer me a holiday, with carers going into my daughter, I don’t want to go away on my own and it is expensive .I would like a few days in my own home to relax.
Oh this is so hard ,im not young either and I have a son in residential care which if I had known I would have kept him at home But I really remember how difficult it was .
Do take care Abigail
thanks for your reply , it’s a constant worry
I was in your position like a lot of people on here. My son was 41yrs old and I was 67 when he eventually moved into supported living so I understand how you feel. The feeling of guilt owning up to not being able to cope weighs on us heavily. As most have suggested the first port of call is contacting adult social care learning disability team in your local authority. Request a needs assessment for your daughter and yourself. A social worker will do this. You may need some respite or consider supported living. If you have a carers centre in your area I suggest you contact them and arrange an appt. They are invaluable in providing information and support for yourself regarding caring for your daughter. They would help you contact social services and support you through the process. Good luck in your journey, keep in touch and ask anything someone will always try and help, we have all walked in your shoes. I have been a single parent since my son was 4 years old.
Thank you for your repky
I’m so sorry. I recently spoke to my daughter’s social worker and she was remarking on how much my daughter’s care was impacting on my life. You have people on this forum who do understand.
The only thing I can offer you is respite in the form of Zoom activities found at inclusiveonlineactivities.com - we aim to have a great time and build friendships and self-confidence. Once logged on you can go off and have a break! Carol x
Thank you for your reply
adult social care lawyer
Getting the balance right?
Request for additional funding
ADULT LD DAY CENTRES 
transport to and from social care
